Psychological Need

There is no stronger force than that of a girl’s desperation to write about her male hyperfixation.

I blame you for making me feel,

every human emotions possible to be felt.

But it relieves me to know I can still feel,

despite with the storms I have dealt.

You wouldn't feel like eating when a feeling eats you from inside.

Not a doctor or sum but I think I'm immune to getting unconditionally loved by people who I love geniunely (not all but most)

Me with my love for Lt. Simon Ghost Riley

the bond between a girl and their favorite fictional man is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

Alan you're not a singer but you sing for my heart with your melodies better than any singer out there.

I'on need someone like Ghost, I NEED GHOST.

simon ‘ghost’ riley is a light sleeper. he’s so well trained to be on high alert that even when he’s not on duty he wakes at the smallest sound.

sometimes you’ll get up in the middle of the night and he immediately sits up. “you alright?” he slurs.

you make a small sound of discomfort or wiggle a little too much and his head is turning on the pillow, his eyes on you. and he always asks if you’re okay. you’ve told him he’s being silly and sometimes you just have to get up to go to the bathroom, but you gave up on telling him that—he’s adamant on checking on you.

and anytime he wakes up, no matter where the disturbance comes from, he’s looking over to your side of the bed to make sure you’re okay first.

and if you ever do need him in the middle of the night, all you have to do is whisper his name. he opens his eyes almost immediately and instinctively tightens his arm around you. “everythin’ alright?”

and one time you couldn’t sleep. your face was buried in his chest as he clung to you, the soft rumble of his snores letting you know he was knocked out. you didn’t want to wake him, but you were crying. you barely even moved as you teared up into his chest. suddenly, his hands squeezed you tighter. “whats’a matter?” he coos softly.

you tilt your head up to him teary eyed. “i didn’t mean to wake you.”

he clicks his tongue. “tell me what’s wrong, baby.” his hand gently caressing your face, tucking loose strands of hair behind your ear.

and he’s so protective. if you roll over and out of his hands he’s quick to pull you back into his grip. he likes having his hands on you while he’s sleeping. it makes him feel more secure knowing you’re okay.

when you fall asleep together on the sofa, your body pressed to his, his arms are wrapped around your waist, clutching you closely against him. it doesn’t even matter if he’s too warm, he wants you touching him at all times whenever he’s asleep.

it’s gotten to the point where he can barely sleep when he’s not with you. without you safely in his arms, without being able to physically feel you under his fingertips, it continuously wakes him up. he’s lucky to get two hours in a row without waking.

post that inspired this | my cod masterlist

Peace in Love?

Growing up in a family where love was but a superficial concept among two individuals who claimed to be in love but actually wouldn't think twice before pulling the trigger on each other, I didn't get to understand what love meant.

Romeo and Juliet's story is stereotypically considered to be a great love story but were they really in love? Or did they love the idea of being in love? Sigh, what are you, love?

How crazy it is to think a simple four letter word could have so many meanings depending on who uses it, how they use it, when they use it or why they use it. But um wait, it could be absolutely be meaningless to someone else too. You could think someone is in love with you without realising that they lead you on perfectly. Sigh, anyways moving on.

I have been in love a lot times, but do I know what it actually means? No, but I do for sure know how it feels to be in love. It's so bitter-sweet, so painful yet such a beautiful feeling. It's like getting your soul crushed into a mould just to let it get built by your lover again hoping they do it with care. It's like a baby bird trying to learn how to fly, taking a leap of faith fully aware they might either fall to death or fly higher in the blue mesmerizing sky. It is as if "to love" is "to gamble", "to love" is to "take the risk". You never know if it was worth it unless you give it a try.

Love is not just having lovely moments, it's like a going through a storm and if you're true to yourself and your lover, you'll be just fine with a few scratches maybe but that's all. Love was never just peace, it is a fight, but it's the one you don't fight with eachother but fight for one another. To love is to understand eachother even in the silence. To love is to respect eachother boundaries. To love is to let go of ego and embrace selfless love for one another cuz what goes around come back too.

Does your heart sink a little like mine does whenever I see those same sparkle of your eyes in your recent group pictures which I first saw when I held your hand and called you mine for the first time, or were your "I love you"s just a lie like the saying "boys don't cry"?

do not text me unless this is ur intention