The Jealousy Of Other People's Skills, The Weight Of Insurmountable Expectations, The Fear Of Not Achieving

Dazai getting out of Chuuya's apartment in the morning: 😶

Atsushi getting out of Akutagawa's apartment in the morning: 😶

Dazai: let's keep this a secret between us and not tell anyone about this in the ADA

Atsushi: deal.

Trigger warning: ED

As someone suffering from ED. It's really triggering to have those "health check ups" at school. And guess what, mine is back AGAIN. On top of that, the way people talk about weight and body image so insensitivly can make you go back to old habits. Today I heard so many people talk about their weight that I started to feel so anxious about mine. When anyone asked me I didn't say. I just feel like if you do have health check ups, it should be only the person and a teacher and not all the students watching, making fun and comments on others appearance.

I have had BDD since I was 11 or even younger due to certain comments in my family. I have had ED since I was 14. It's not easy. But I know I am not alone.

Richard: hehe....do you think Charles and Camilla are fucking eachother?

Francis: yes

Richard: *spits drink out* I was just kidding

Francis: we are all fucking eachother, when will you realise that?

(ps: I was clutching my imaginary pearls when that revelation happened)

Death Note spoilers ahead:

I personally think it would have been harder for the police and L to catch up with Light if:

1. He hadn't been obsessed with the idea of being the "god" of the "new world" (aka being power hungry)

2. He didn't wish to be recognised, instead laying as low as possible (he was really excited to be KIRA, when it only made him be more in the police's radar)

3. He didn't kill extreme amount of criminals on the go. Instead focused to make sure there was no pattern (such as time, dates, kills, types of criminals)

4. Used other methods than heart attack, more accidental or predictable deaths would have made it quite hard to track back.

5. Hadn't accepted an open challenge of L by killing Lind. L. Taylor which confirmed a lot of stuff for L.

6. STOP DOING HIS EVIL LAUGHS AND MONOLOGUES IN HIS FREAKING HOUSE. (though his sister and mother probably thought he was going through an emo phase. I can imagine Sayu saying "Mom, Light is talking about being the god of the world again. He also has some imaginary friend called Ryuk" "Just, ignore it honey")

While I know Light wanted to be known and be treated as some vigilante god, on the long run being a hidden and mysterious force like L would have helped him achieve his goal. Also knowing L's IQ, he would still have found Light.

Personally, after I have read TSH a million times, and I DON'T like any of them.

Richard is pretentious liar, who may be making up the entire story, who knows.

Henry.....I am not even gonna explain his faults. I still love him tho (I don't like him, it's a love/hate relationship).

Francis, used to be my favourite because I imagined him looking like Timothée Chalamet but now that I think, he wasn't much great either (although I still consider him more likeable than others, but that might be my delusion or want to find one good character).

Camilla is a mystery. I don't know anything about her and I don't trust Richard and how he made her the saint of the group. I know she is a fan favourite, I just don't get her, we see so little of her personality! What is this girlie thinking? (she could've made a great twist villain)

Charles. I know he was used as the "scapegoat" in the book but if he was the way he acted in the last chapters. I hate him.

Bunny, somehow the most normal one, makes my skin crawl with his words. I am conflicted about his murder.

What if all of them are red flags? (Kinda are)

Ps: I didn't put "none of them" because I knew it would get the most votes.

My exams are going to be OVER tomorrow. Gonna finally start on the essays!

Since Henry won, "The Obsession With Morally Grey" will be done in a few weeks after the re-read!

Just felt like I haven't re-read TSH in a while. So I wondered if I could write a full blown essay (not really, more like a brief analysis) on the characters from TSH.

I might not even end up writing them but I would like to know which characters people are most interested in learning in-depth about.

There's so much to say about this story that no one can ever stop analysing it. If Donna took 10 years to complete it, there must be so much we can discuss about it!!!

I will try to write a detailed analysis when I have the time to re-read TSH (studying for exams, writing a book and reading "The Bell Jar" and "Pet Sematary" for the 1st time lol)

I hope this will inspire people to make more post abt TSH theories/analysis/thoughts (been tired with the regular mood boards and quotes)

(PS: "Looking Through The Male Gaze" for Camilla is about Richard's gaze, not Donna Tartt's)

Me: I want friends

*People become friends with me*

Me: Not like that

"And then...and then...."

Is the new

"We are destined to----"

The Secret History × If We Were Villains

Where it's just Detective Colborne finding Richard and asking him about the two murders and Henry Winter's suicide.

Colborne: So you also did all this for the person you loved?

Richard: Nah, I did it for the 💫 Aesthetics💫

Colborne, to himself: this one is even worse than Oliver Marks.

Do people really think that skk hate eachother?

After the fight with Lovecraft, we have a scene where Dazai smiles at Chuuya; this is one of the only genuine smiles we ever get from Dazai. Most of the time he is playing up a facade and he is very hard to read but he always seems to smile more genuinely when he is around Chuuya, especially when Chuuya isn't looking at him.

What I think those two have are very complicated feelings that haven't changed since they were 15-18.

Skk never got to be friends, they were always partners, "Double Black", Port Mafia's prodigies. They didn't get the chance to just be kids and see the better sides of eachother, their relationship didn't grow organically over the years but became stunted at a time when both of them were only teenagers. Thrust in an environment where there's not much positivity, Skk were always at odds because of their clashing personalities and mutual dislike (and their similarities)

I don't think that dislike ever became hate. I think they did become closer as the years passed, but then of course Dazai left.

While saying Chuuya was sad when Dazai left is a way to show their care for eachother. I would say, Chuuya was REALLY angry when Dazai left (that's why he drank that expensive wine, it was out of spite). How can he leave? Does he have no loyalty to the PM? Does he have no loyalty to Chuuya? They were partners, he can't just leave without a word.

Dazai left without a word because he knew how mad Chuuya would be at him when he finds out, he knew if he thought about Chuuya there would be a part of him that wouldn't want to leave this partnership that they have had since three years. It was something that gave him excitement in this "worthless thing they call living" it was his will to live. He also didn't want the PM to think Chuuya was involved with him and helped him in leaving.

I do think Dazai leaving PM made Chuuya dislike him even more. Dazai was not only annoying, he was also disloyal.

But when it comes to Dazai, I don't think he hated Chuuya at all. His fondness for Chuuya is what makes him not want to like him. It's the same way Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor for being the only one who understands him. Dazai doesn't want to kill Chuuya, when he says "I have been thinking about ways to kill Chuuya since 7 years" it's a lie, a joke for him, a facade. He could have done that any time in 7 years but he chose not to. He knows when it comes to it, he can't kill Chuuya.

Chuuya would say he hates Dazai but goes out of his way to save him everytime. In Dead Apple, he risked his own life to save Dazai who could have been dead for all he knew. But he still took the chance, believing that Dazai would have a plan and that he would know that Chuuya is going to risk it. (Also I wholeheartedly believe Dazai has some fantasies about being rescued by Chuuya, that Mf totally does)

Their trust in eachother is so strong, that even when they are on the enemy side, they are able to work together, putting their differences apart. They have never had a "real" fight like Atsushi and Akutagawa, it's more of snide remarks and calling nicknames, like their teenage selves.

I don't think Chuuya is aware of these complicated feelings, he has manifested his dislike of Dazai's antics and personality to a point he had hidden his care for him. On the other hand, Dazai is very aware of these feelings, he knows he cares. So he fakes it, acting out as usual the idea that he hates Chuuya, because he knows loving and caring for someone does not end well for him (look at Oda). He doesn't want to lose another person he cares for.

In retrospect as memeable and funny those two "confession" scenes are in S5; it's the first time Dazai is not lying, he is acknowledging his care for Chuuya in a way it feels authentic and real to Fyodor, so they could trick him. It's their plan, yes, but the reason it feels real is because IT IS. No wonder Chuuya shot him so many times ("Dazai's being stupid again, making me feel things, embarrassing me in front of the enemy").

This isn't a shipping post, I do ship Skk, but their bond is so deep that you can look at it in a platonic way and very little would change.