Xsuspencexkillsx - S.S.

I found peace on his words, does that make sense?

It’s not “americans” okay? There are some of us who are fucking devastated by this. I’m gay, and I have friends who are too. Some of the most important people in the world to me are Hispanic, female, and/or transgender. And I’m fucking terrified for them. I’m terrified for myself. So everyone saying “americans” suck and that they’re disgusted can go fuck themselves, cause I’m disgusted too. If you think people like me chose this, this is the last thing any of us wanted. And I have to go to school today and be surrounded by people who hate queer people and I have to hold it together. Cause I shouldn’t show emotion cause that’s “feminine” and “weak” and I’m already fucking gay so why would I add to that? There’s a pit in my stomach. And the way this works is I’m queer first, an American second, cause that’s what I’ll be given shit for. That’s what’ll matter when it comes down to it. Being american won’t protect me when they decide coming after trans people isn’t enough, that the whole LGBT community is a “problem”. The worst part is I had hope. I don’t know why, but I thought that maybe it wouldn’t turn out like this, and now I’m fucking heartbroken. 

will people PLEASE stop arguing with me (in real life) and trying to convince me I am gay?? I pulled a Misha Collins. I walked it back. I officially became the only man in Texas ever to come out as straight. So fucking believe me and leave me alone about it. I’m so repressed even if I was into men, I wouldn’t tell you!

also I realize ppl are gonna see this and argue with me about it, but uh, I’m just irritated rn…

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The worst part is I don't even have her face, I have his. I wish I had the kindness of her eyes. Instead, every day I wake up and the mirror is just another reminder of him. His brown eyes, his sharp angled face, and his spirit. His hands, his feet. His anger. His rage. It's all mine. All of it. Sometimes it makes me hate myself. Everyone thinks I'm his carbon copy. "Just like his father," they say. Well they don't know how much it hurts me. They don't know what he really was. They don't know the pain and bruises I carry around because of him to this day. Nobody lived the life me and my mom did. They saw the best side of him. We suffered through the worst. I can honestly say I'm glad he's gone now. And all I want is to erase his face. It was all him. And he was the sum of it all—he was the only mistake my mother made.

Shout out to everyone who’s ever perpetuated the “gay men are predatory” stereotype!! <3 You’re the reason I’m terrified to even make eye contact with another man and why I feel ashamed anytime I even think a guy is slightly good-looking. Congratulations on finally reaching peak Shit Person Status! Motherfucker. :D :D :D

saw the post in the screenshot (inside of the screenshot) and it’s the time of year where family is all you have, so…

buried so deep even god won’t find me

WWWY

On my way to When We Were Young fest. I can’t wait to scream along to the songs that honestly saved my life when I was at my lowest. Music has always been there for me when shit got tough. 

A picture from my flight. There’s so many clouds in the sky. The view is beautiful in an ethereal sort of way. I want to jump from the plane and fall further and further through the clouds. I want them to become tangible, to hold and cradle me, to lift my head up and make me feel at peace. Make me feel alive. 

Taking off, as I watched the city become smaller and smaller, I had a strange sense of nostalgia. I remember the first time I overcame my fear of flying. I was a small child and the thought of being thousands of feet in the air terrified me. But when I finally allowed myself to get on a plane, I was struck by how beautifully insignificant the world seems when you’re drifting through the clouds. When your feet are no longer on the ground and your whole body feels like it’s floating. That’s when the reality of life is the most vivid. When thoughts are the most constructed and careful. I love the view of life from the this vantage point. It’s amazing. 

The moutains of Las Vegas. I think they speak for themselves. I’m fuckin pumped for tomorrow. Really hope I can sleep tonight. 

i’m in a winter mood, (i’m) dreamin’ of spring now

i miss sitting in the back of a pickup truck with my best friend. playing in the mud and making swords out of sticks. boys will be boys (until one of them’s a queer). We were like family until i came out was outed. if you read this i think you’d know who you are. cause you said i was your only friend and then spat in my face the next day. that awful day. all i wanted was for things to stay the same. all i want is my childhood back. please. my lips are bloody and my knuckles are bruised. i’m the same person i was back then, so why the hell don’t i mean the same thing i used to mean to you?

I’m more of an album guy to be honest, so this is just the stuff I put on repeat—

The Taste Of Ink - The Used

Pete Wentz Is The Only Reason We’re Famous - Cobra Starship

Empty Like The Ocean - Midtown

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) - Fall Out Boy

Alligator Skin Boots  - McCafferty

Thanks for tagging me @youreyesaremyfavoritecolor

no press tags:

@ghostopossumlives, @empty-pools-vacant-alleyways

List five songs you like!

Thx for the tag @bohnerrific69

Talk too much - COIN

Sailor song - Gigi Perez

Sticky - Tyler the Creator

LABOUR - the cacophony - Paris Paloma

Chapstick - COIN

No pressure tags: @jgabriel1920 @theswanqu33nsblog @decafboyfriend @decaf-mother @therealkyspence + anyone else who wants to join