I'm Tired As Fuck And I Feel Like I Just Spawned Here,

Hey silly people!! :D

Do you guys have any shifting subliminal recommendations? I don't know why, but I randomly thought about trying them so…yeah- here I am asking for recommendations!!

I really like music, so any subs with it are welcome!! Also subs with ambience seem really, really cool- one of my dr selves LOVES the rain (me in the cr too to be honest-) so bonus points for those!! And yeah, I'm pretty open to whatever, you can throw at me whatever you want!! :D

I'm working on both my main bnha reality script and a new one (that I won't be sharing because it's a little bit too personal) so now I'm alternating obsessing over these two realities.

But my little human brain is worried that if I make an attempt to shift to another reality different from my bnha one, which is the one I put more effort in, I'll magically lose the progress I made.

Can someone be like "the fuck are you talking about? You won't lose anything!" because I'm going insane-

This is kind of a rant about what the hell I'm scripting in my main bnha reality (and also a little rant about how much I love the people in my dr- but it's not the 'hehe I love them so much' kind of post, it's more like 'I'd literally die for them', so be careful I guess-). Also a little update about the post in which I talked about me and the lov becoming immortal because fuck death.

Also you know the drill: making this post helped me better organise my thoughts and all that!

So in my main bnha reality I'm literally Shigaraki, so my script MUST have safety things for trauma and things like that...BUT...

I've been feeling like absolute shit lately and that's because I feel like an horrible fucking human being specifically for scripting these safety rules. Because what do you mean that I go through horrible shit and feel fine while my friends, who also go through horrible shit, will live with it for the rest of their lives? (+ I scripted that we become immortal, so even worse).

Who do I think I am? I'm not above them, so why would I script that I get to not experience trauma and they do?

"Just script that they also don't get traumatised" alright, what are we fighting for then? If our experiences don't affect us then why are we trying this hard to change society and create a better world? For fun? No. Absolutely not.

"You don't need to be incredibly scarred to want change" true, but would we fucking sacrifice ourselves for it? No, because there's a chance of us having a 'if it doesn't affect us that much then it isn't really our problem' kind of mentality- but even if we didn't (because I can just script that doesn't happen), as I already said, I doubt we'd be willing to die for it.

"Then don't shift there" I don't wanna fucking hear it, I have my reasons to shift there.

The thing that I want you to understand is the fact that I love the people in my dr and I would do anything- ANYTHING for them. And if that means going though hell and back and risk my life then I'm gonna fucking do it. If being equal to them means scripting out some safety rules then I'm gonna fucking do it.

I feel like this is the only way for me to feel at peace because OH MY GOD- THIS HAS BEEN EATING ME ALIVE FOR A LONG TIME- I didn't want to do it, but it's the only thing that feels...'right'- I feel like it's fair to my friends and also anyone that goes through horrible shit in my dr too. Because I'm not more important than anyone, we're all in this together god damnit.

At first I thought of scripting that yes, I feel completely fine but I still act like 'canon Shigaraki' would, but I feel like such a big liar- I don't want to lie to my friends, especially about something serious like this. It'd feel like I'm making fun of them or something.

Also, reminder that where I shift and what I script doesn't affect you in any way, so I don't want to hear anything like "are you stupid or something?" or anything similar. I know that I'm stupid and that it's going to be horrible, but for me it's worth it + I'm not coming back to the cr, so if I regret this decision I can always shift to a reality in which what I experienced doesn't effect me in the slightest, so I'll be alright. Hell, I could even script I don't remember it at all if I want to!

So what am I scripting now?

Keep in mind that I'm never going to come back here. Once I shift I'm going to spend 90% of my time in my main bnha reality and the rest 10% will be spent in other realities including waiting rooms. In all of my realities (drs and wrs) I scripted that not only I can't 'bring back trauma' but my mind is 'made of steel', so even if I go through horrible shit I won't develop anything like PTSD/C-PTSD or other similar conditions. So basically I can't get traumatised.

But there is one exception and that is my main bnha reality. Obviously I didn't just erase all of my safety rules regarding trauma, but almost.

So what am I doing?

I'm still scripting this, so I apologise if it's messy.

Basically when I first shift to my dr it'll be the 4th of April 2124. For a week I'll be completely fine. After that week, in a span of about two weeks my mind will gradually 'go back to what it's supposed to be like', so the trauma will be there.

"That's not how it works" 80% of the population in my main reality has superpowers, I don't want to hear it.

The reason why I scripted this is because it'll basically help me decide if I want to stick with it or if it'd be better to go to a waiting room and modify my script.

I scripted that I forget my script while I'm in my dr and I remember it whenever I'm in a different reality. But just to be sure, I scripted that I'll never forget that I shifted and I can shift whenever I want (and every attempt is successful + I remember my other realities, especially waiting rooms, but I'll forget the 'plot' of the ones that are kind of similar to this one, just to be sure); I always remember what I scripted for safety and for the lifa app; I'll never confuse memories; I remember that I'll never die, I know that everything is going to end well no matter how fucked up the situation is and I know that what I scripted about trauma and similar things is for a good reason, it's 100% worth it in the end and I'll never regret it (+ I know that it's temporary- continue reading to understand.)

I'd also like to add that if I went through the same things that my dr self went and will go through in the cr I wouldn't last a second. But my dr self is WAY stronger, both physically and mentally. My dr self deals with these kinds of things WAY better than my cr self. So there's also that.

"But what about you guys becoming immortal?" I scripted that the immortality quirk not only grants...well, immortality- but it also puts the target in a better condition to live forever. So basically we become immortal and we say bye bye to our trauma.

This doesn't mean that we forget what happened, but those memories won't affect us the same way they did before. Maybe they're a little uncomfortable to think about, maybe they make us feel sad, angry and sometimes scared, but they definitely don't have the same effect as before. They'll be easier to deal with, to not think about, etc.

Once I decided to script this I also contemplated what I scripted for physical pain- I'LL STILL HAVE A REALLY HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE, DON'T WORRY- but if you look at canon Shigaraki... that's basically it- got shot at least 4 times in a span of two milliseconds? grunted and didn't shead a tear. Redestro destroying his hand? Made a face, grunted, didn't shead a tear. The surgery to get All For One's quirk? Screamed at the top of his lungs, still didn't shead a tear. The war? Didn't shead a single tear.

With this I don't mean that he doesn't feel pain, he definitely does, but he deals with it REALLY well. His pain tolerance is incredible. It only makes sense for me to script that (+ after the surgery my pain tolerance will skyrocket thanks to whatever quirk is stored inside All For One.)

Obviously the same thing I scripted for trauma applies here: I know I didn't script it for nothing and it's worth it in the end.

In other words I'm a crazy bitch.

Yesterday I randomly found something that really reminded me of Kurogiri from my main bnha reality. I was tired so I didn't think too much about it, but I took a screenshot anyway.

A few minutes ago I was in my gallery, thinking about my dr and all, and I saw the screenshot.

"I'm not crying, you are!" that's what I would say if I wasn't crying- I'M CRYING-

I MISS MY BIG BROTHER SO MUCH- GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

↑ this was the thing I saw by the way. If I don't shift tonight and I don't get to hug Kurogiri for AT LEAST an hour straight, I'm going to make it everyone's problem-

At first I wanted to shift to my waiting room before shifting to my drs, but I noticed how I'm starting to connect more with my dr self from my symbol of fear dr. The thought of going to my waiting room first doesn't feel as exciting as the thought of going to my bnha dr feels like. And I figured that it's mainly because of my dr self and the people I'm close to in my bnha dr.

My wr self is basically me but slightly different- and I don't really like myself in the cr, so…yeah- I don't know what I was thinking there. It's not that I don't like who I am in my wr, not at all, but it's a little bit underwhelming.

While in my bnha dr I'm different- but not that much if I really think about it.

So now I'm thinking about making a second waiting room in which I'm identical to my bnha dr self (so Shigaraki) and me and the rest of the LOV are just chilling somewhere. No wild shit happening, just wholesome stuff like…I don't know- playing stupid games all together and laughing like idiots- or playing sardines- I WANT TO PLAY SARDINES SO BAD AND IT'D BE SO INTERESTING AND CHAOTIC WITH QUIRKS-

Yeah- it sounds really, really nice actually!!

(and obviously gonna script Spinner as my s/o because I'm obsessed :D)

Just saw a green gummy croc on the ground on my way to school. Gonna be delusional and take this as a sign from the universe🙏🏻

(I'm not normal about Spinner- I love that lil' guy)

"Make a height comparison chart for your dr people" they said…

"It'll be fun" they said…

Sometimes I forget that this bitch is so tall-

Also bonus Kurogiri because I love my big brother!!

Note: Kurogiri's height is based on the top of his physical head, not the highest his mist gets when not manipulating it- because yes, I thought about how he looks like without the mist in my dr!!

(also the heights probably aren't 100% accurate, but it's a more or less-)

I'm trying to continue writing the draft which is basically a remake of the intro to my main bnha dr, but every time I come online and try to write something down I'm just unable to do so. I've been thinking about what happened the last time I tried to shift to that dr, it happened about a week ago I think.

Basically I was lying in bed, visualising my dr bedroom and eventually I fell asleep. When I woke up I was still here, but it was pretty early in the morning (around 3am if I remember correctly), so I began my lazy method again.

While I was visualising I felt something- and it wasn't pleasant at all.

Basically when I do my lazy method I just imagine that I'm my dr self and I'm laying in bed in my dr bedroom. But that can get kinda boring so, since I scripted that eventually Kurogiri will come into my room to wake me up, I prefer to imagine the same thing but Kurogiri is already there. I don't know why, it helps me concentrate more for some reason. Usually when I'm particularly sleepy and cozy I can't help myself but think about him sitting at the edge of my bed and running his hand through my hair (words cannot describe how much I like that- it's an amazing feeling- it makes me feel so cozy and loved😭🙏🏻💕)

So now you might be thinking "did you actually feel his hand on your head while you were trying to shift?"

Unfortunately no- I really wish that was it, but it wasn't.

I was doing my method, like usual, and suddenly I felt a hand touching the left side of my body on top of my blanket. It basically tapped my body from my hip to my shoulder and then once on my mouth which was covered by the blanket. When I tell you I was TERRIFIED it's an understatement- I literally thought someone was in the house. My first reaction was to pretend to be asleep and my heart was RACING. Eventually I said fuck it and did a reality check (pinched my nose and tried to breathe) just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

The worst part is that it wasn't just a feeling, I literally perceived a hand- specifically a left hand (don't ask me why a left hand, but when that happened I could only picture a left hand for some reason).

Kurogiri would NEVER touch me like that, NEVER!!

So I know for a fact that wasn't him and I wasn't feeling something from my dr. I know I probably was just half asleep and feeling weird shit, but it's not the first time I wake up in the middle of the night and go back to sleep feeling like that AND THAT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE- and coincidentally it happened right while I was doing my method.

I don't know, but whenever I think back to it, and I try to connect it to my dr for some reason (the reason being I'm delusional), I can only think of All For One- HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU GUYS ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS MAN? THE SHEER HATRED I FEEL FOR THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING IS ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT MOTIVATE ME TO SHIFT TO MY MAN BNHA DR- I GENUINELY CANNOT WAIT FOR HIS DEATH, WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I WILL BE ONCE THAT HAPPENS-

So yeah, I'm kinda going insane for what happened and now my hatred for All For One has reached a new level- can't believe my dr self will (temporary, thank fuck-) think of this man as a saviour and some kind of role model and shit-

I don't know why the hate I feel for him motivates me to shift, but it's so funny because whenever something bad yet silly happens in the cr I just pretend that's him trying to sabotage me and I'm like "bitch ass motherfucker that's not gonna work, I'm shifting and kicking your fucking ass💪🏻😼"

All For One I hope you shit your pants and have a horrible day overall!!!😘🥰😍

Am I the only one that doesn't really use affirmations on the regular?

One thing about me is that I don't want to do things unless I have fun with them. Luckily this doesn't apply to studying lmao (at least most of the time-), but it does to shifting.

Saying the same things over and over and over again is too repetitive and boring for me, so I just...don't really do it-

There are times in which I do use affirmations, but most of the time I try to focus on other things for the sake of not getting bored and dropping whatever I'm doing to shift.

If there's anything I've learned about shifting is that we shift constantly. I don't need to affirm to get up and go to the kitchen to get a snack, I just do it. So why would I need to do it to shift?

There's also the fact that when I keep repeating something in my head for a long time I kinda forget what I'm saying- or even how to say it unless I stop for a minute (you know that feeling when you say a word multiple times and suddenly it doesn't sound like a real word? Yeah, that). And most of the time my mind just ends up thinking about something completely unrelated and I completely abandon my method.

Instead of affirming that I'm in my dr I try to 'feel it'. Basically I think about being in my dr without using words- if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to explain it to be honest.

And obviously, since I've never seen anyone in the shifting community not mentioning affirmations, my smooth little brain HAD to start overthinking- but he better shut up, because I'm tired of his shit💀

And actually I just remembered that not everyone has 'a narrator' in their head when they think. And since literally anyone can shift then why wouldn't I be able to do it without affirming the way most people do? Also, there are people who have shifted on accident/without meaning to- AND ALSO, there are people who have shifted without knowing what shifting was- HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO NOT MAKE IT WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SHIFTED WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT SHIFTING WAS??? I don't think they went to bed while affirming of being in their dr SINCE THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHIFTING WAS- AND YET THEY DID IT!!

So yeah, I'm going to shift now, goodnight!!

I'm actually tweaking right now-

I MIGHT HAVE ALMOST SHIFTED LAST NIGHT-

Let me tell you what happened-

And even if I wasn't actually about to shift then I'm going to be delusional because I said so and because it'd be so fucking motivating-

So I went to bed like usual and I started doing my 'lazy method', how I like to call it. Basically I just get comfy in bed and I imagine being in my dr, specifically where I scripted I'll be the first time I shift (for my main bnha reality it'd be my bedroom). Before I actually tell you what happened, it's important for you to know a little bit about my cr and dr bedrooms.

When I'm laying in my cr bed there's a wall on my right (assuming I'm laying on my back). A part of the door to my room is 'blurred glass'- I don't know how it's called, I'm sorry- and you can still see some light coming in, despite the fact there's some kind of curtain over it.

On the other hand, my dr bed has a wall on the left instead of the right. Also the room is pitch black when the door is closed and the light is turned off (also there are no windows).

So what happened? I was in bed, visualising my dr when suddenly I felt like opening my eyes. I don't remember why I wanted to do that, but note that in my script I wrote that my eyes open automatically once I'm there. When I opened my eyes they physically felt weird and at first it was pitch black, but then it immediately went back to looking exactly like my cr bedroom (I could see thanks to the light coming from the kitchen opposite my door). When that happened my heart was beating like crazy, like when you feel that falling sensation but without the falling sensation, if that makes sense. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt like I didn't 'perceive' my surroundings. I didn't 'feel' the wall on my right, but I didn't feel one on my left either, like it'd be in my dr. I didn't feel my blankets or the general shape of the room or anything else really. And my first thought was 'I'm shifting'.

Yesterday I didn't think about it that much because I was super tired, but when I woke up this morning I FLIPPED!!

So yeah, I'm tweaking right now, I'm about to spontaneously combust :)