Abuse - Blog Posts

“Resisting your abusers is not abuse. Talking back to your abusers is not abuse. Screaming and fighting back to save yourself is not abuse. Trying to escape from them is not abuse. Calling them out is not abuse. Hurting them is not abuse.”

— only if you had tremendous amount of power over them, it could be called abuse, but in that case, they would never dare to abuse you in the first place because their life would depend on you, and not the reverse. You do not have the power to trap or abuse them, and if they pretend otherwise, they’re lying. (via furiousgoldfish)

“but is it still abuse if the abuser doesn’t seem to realize he’s doing it?”

YES IT IS. Abuse is defined by the pain and trauma victims go thru, your suffering and fear don’t go down one bit because “abuser may not be aware of what they’re doing”, actually, it goes up! Being tortured by someone who doesn’t care enough to even freaking realize they’re damaging you is much more dehumanizing and emotionally taxing than at least knowing the abuser’s intention clearly and that they’re achieving exactly what they want to achieve. Being lost about abuser’s intentions adds on to the trauma!

It doesn’t matter if they meant to do it or not (in most cases they absolutely meant it or didn’t actually give a shit if they’re hurting you or not as long as they get what they want). Staying safe from this person is important. Stopping the abuse and preventing any future abuse is important. Healing is important. Label the abuser with whatever you need that helps you to heal. Forget abuser’s side of the story and focus on yours. What they agree or disagree, what they’re aware or aren’t aware isn’t nearly as important as stopping that person from harming you, and preventing them from hurting you ever again.

Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.

Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.

Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.

Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.

They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.

Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

Abusive parents just love entering our rooms uninvited and then yelling “WHY IS THAT ON THE FLOOR”, thus creating the illusion that it’s perfectly fine and acceptable to intrude in another person’s space and then find any excuse to yell and berate them. Parents will act as if this is because you should be neat, but no, they’re not yelling at us because they want us to be neat, they’re yelling because they want to yell, and (1) object on the floor is excuse enough. Random lash-outs don’t help us be more organized. Random yelling doesn’t inspire us to be neat.

What it does is makes sure that we cannot relax in our own space, that we cannot feel at ease and justified sitting in our own room, or lying on our own bed, without expecting someone to burst in with intention to lash out at us. Our need to be able to relax and rest in our own space is higher priority than us being neat, and to force us to fret over every single object in our room when we should be tending to our own needs, resting our minds and feeling safe, is cruel and harmful.

We should be able to rest and relax, even if we’re in a mess. Our own piece of mind and the needs of our body are more important than maintaining the perfect order. Humans are messy sometimes, it can mean we’re stressed, upset, sick, busy with something else, chasing a dream, chasing little bit of happiness, overwhelmed, function better in mess, desire some creative disorder, or thousand other things, and none of these things is a reason to lash out or berate us. Mess isn’t a crime, it’s not a sin, it doesn’t cause mental illness, it could sooner be a symptom of one. To lash out at a kid for not keeping order is nothing but evil. Let children keep their space as they like. If you want them to know how to be neat then teach them how to organize Without Ever Yelling, and without taking their own little functional space that can be just how they like and prefer, away from them. Does the price of your child’s neatness have to be their mental health? Is it worth forcing a kid to keep perfect order, to take their ability to be calm and safe in their own room? The answer is no. Have some goddamn limit to how far you would sink to lash out at your children.

victims of abuse will be like, this person has now made me cry myself to sleep about 30 times, i have flashbacks of things they’ve done and said to me, they know how to hit me right in my worst insecurity and guilt so i feel horrible for days and months, their comments make me feel worthless and like i shouldn’t even be alive, and being around them makes me feel small and meaningless and sometimes suicidal but maybe that’s just me, maybe they’re not abusive? i have to give them benefit of the doubt, what if i’m not justified to kick them out of my life?

Your parents are lying to you. You do have what it takes to survive. They're not intrinsical to your existence, but to the sabotage of it. Without them nothing could stop you from figuring it out. All you need is already inside you. They do not get to decide what you're capable of.

Abusive parents force you to hide things you would otherwise never have to worry about hiding, because you learn that they can flip out about anything, make a scene from anything, misunderstand one detail and go insane over it. So you don’t tell them about anything you can avoid, and you try to deal with things yourself as much as humanely possible, which takes the burden of taking care of you from them, and onto your shoulders.

This is dangerous as well because you don’t tell them about a friend who did something horrible to you, you don’t tell them about a sociopath who tried to groom or touch you, you don’t tell them about horrifying heartbreak you feel when someone abandons you, you don’t tell them when your world is falling apart because you know that at best, they’ll be uninterested, at worst, they will tell you it was your fault and you deserved it.

Living in secrecy becomes normal and when you develop trauma symptoms it once again feels like it’s your fault because you never said anything, you never told them how much they were hurting you, you didn’t speak up and open up about your problems. But how in the world would you? You know if you had, all that you would get is insults, blame, threats, guilt and shame thrown in your face, how could you possibly take that on top of having trauma symptoms? You can’t, it’s not worth risking. Suffering in silence becomes your only survival option, and you watch your heart break a little more every day that nobody cares that you’re breaking apart.

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Make your own oc random addition

So do I, Sweetheart. <3 😈 🔄

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black Woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black Woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black Woman.”

-Malcolm X (1962)

(Originally made on insta by @michaelabalogun)

[Multiple people have pointed out that the Sojourner Truth speech isn’t accurate. Interesting none of you bother recommending other resources to spread awareness of what it’s like to be a Black Woman while you are pulling attention away from the main point–Black Women need to be recognized. If you have such a problem with how accurate the speech is, just know I looked into it and apparently she approved the second version which also expresses how she’s feeling. Let’s move on or pm me and I can list some alternatives if it’s weighing on your mind.]

Wait What?! Snape’s Daughter Chapter 1

Note: So I started writing this a while ago but never got round to publishing it. A.k.A I forgot about it. Then I remembered about while reading a fanfic and thought you know... fuck it I’ll finish it and upload it. So that's where we are now! Also sorry for spelling a Grammar. Also I know Snape is kind of OC in some parts but it works better.

Title: Wait What?!

Fandom: Harry Potter Obviously 

Rating: M- Swears, Mentions of abuse.

Summary: Two years after Severus Snape started teaching at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry he was in a relationship with a muggle trying to move on from Lily. Didn't work. Unfortunately the relationship only lasted a year before the two went their separate ways. All seemed normal for Snape after that. the only problem was that only days before the two split a child was conceived. Snape never knew he had a child. What happens when he discovers the truth the summer before her first year and her troubled childhood.

Isabelle Jones/Snape (I don't own the pic right to owner)

To say Severus was irritated would be an under statement. It was the summer between Gryffindor's Golden-Pain-In-The-Arse’s second and third year and all he wanted to do was relaxe, and do potions research, both things he couldn't do in the school year because he was either teaching or searching for Slytherins monster. But no! the old man wants to discuss something important Snape ranted in his head I swear to Merlin and back if it just that he has run out leman drops or Potter has some how gotten into trouble he is not going to like the consequences. 

“What is it Albus? Have you run out of those horrid muggle sweets?” Severus asked the headmaster of the school as he entered the office. 

“No Severus, I plenty thank you! Would you like one?” The old man offered the youngest professor. 

“No Albus, you know I don't like them.” Severus turned down the offer pinching the bridge of his nose “Why exactly am I here?”

“Well my boy, as you know around this time in the school holidays Minerva visits the Muggle-born student who will be joining us this year to answer their questions-” Albus started but was interrupted Severus.

“Spit out man! What does it have to do with me?” Severus snapped, his impatience clearly showing.

“You have never been very patent have you Severus”  Albus sighed “Minerva discovered something that should come to some interest to you” Albus explained indicating to the Head of Gryffindor House, who was standing by the  fire place, to take over. 

 “I was just about to visit a Muggle-born student by the name Isabelle Jones when I hear something very disturbing inside the house.” Minerva paused looking for the words the mother used “The mother was yelling at the child ‘you are just like your father a freak worthless piece of crap! Its because of him that you can do things you can. You look just like his you ugly bitch! You even have his huge arse nose! He hated you before you where even born! He left when he found out I was pregnant with you! He couldn't even stand you then and no one will ever be able to stand your presence-”

As Minerva recited the hateful words the mother was yelling at the child Severus felt his stomach drop. Please don't let it be true, Severus pleaded, the time fits the child could of been conceived shortly before we split, but Jones is a popular last name it could just be a coincidence... Besides I would never would of never of left the mother and child to fend for themselves I would of helped even if I was no longer with the mother.

“Then the yelling stopped and I heard the whimpers of a child followed by crack of a belt and a child's cry.” Minerva's voice showed her increasing anger “It was all I needed to hear to know I had to get the child out of that woman's care. I opened the door and quickly binded the mother and checked on the child to see if there were any injuries that needed to be healed on the spot. the poor thing was shaking like a leaf! I did my best to calm and sooth her as I could before bringing her to the infirmary. I remembered what the girls mother said about her father and asked Poppy to cast a spell to identify the girls parents.”  Minerva paused as she walked towards Severus her anger increasing. “Gust who’s name appeared. None other than our very own Severus. Tobias. Snape!” Minerva poked Severus chest as she said his name clearly angry with him.

Severus felt his hole world crumble down around him. I have a daughter... a daughter! Not only did I not know about her but she was abused by her own mother! “Shit” Severus whispered as he ran a hand down his face.

“Oh yes shit, young man! How dare you leave your own child! Not even-” Minerva started to scold Severus but he cut her off.

“Do you really think me so low Minerva? To leave a Pregnant woman to fend for herself! I didn't even know she was fucking Pregnant! Even if I was no longer with her and she told me I would of been there! I would take responsibility! I would of been there. Every. Single. Day. If I knew” Severus exclaimed pain evident in his voice. “You would think if I knew you two would be the first people I would turn to. I consider you two my parent, you care more than my real parents ever did... Imagine how it feels finding out that you have a child you never new about who was also abused, and in the same day having people who you consider your own parents accuses you of abandoning that child-” Severus’s voice cracked, the tears threatening to spill “you know what, forget it, I’m going to check on my daughter.” Severus said exiting the office to equally teary eyed professors behind. 

Chapter 7 of Skyborn is out!! Check it out here<3~

This picture ⬇️

and this song

will forever be connected in my mind. 🩶

Maybe there is some kind of unresolved trauma inside of me, but damn it, I love this story so much... The toxicity, the tension, the fear, everything is just perfect 👌🩶