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Days - Blog Posts
This is AJ Mayes. He was the last character I worked on for my class in the spring semester and I’m honestly not that proud of it. I don’t hate it, but I feel like I could’ve done better with his design and pose. Anyways, the character himself is a muscular Japanese-American boy who is kind of a dork and likes to draw. He’s the muscle of the group and has a relationship with Dawna Days while they’re alone in Gabe’s house. #strangerthings #sevenchronicles #stranger #things #himbo #ajmayes #aj #mayes #dawna #days #seven #chronicles https://www.instagram.com/p/ChLHxYGOUti/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
Sorry for the absence this last few weeks. I have been forgetting my own schedule to post these on Fridays. However, I’m going to try and be more consistent. Anyways, this character is Dawna Days, a people pleaser with divorced parents, seems to be on the shy side and has just recently gotten into a relationship with one of the boys in the group, AJ Maye. I call their ship name Maydays. She was kind of a hard character to design because she’s another brunette in the group of girls and the creator of this character isn’t someone that I could contact to ask. I like Dawna, it was fun to figure out how to make her style distinct enough from Tara so they don’t look like twins, but that she would look like her face claim #emilycarey I know plaid clothes would’ve been an impossible design choice in the 1970s because they would’ve need to paint that texture onto the character’s cell sheet. #dawnadays #dawna #days #peoplepleaser #people #pleaser #sevenchronicles #seven #chronicles #strangerthings #calvinhgatsby #stranger #things https://www.instagram.com/p/CfxXnmFF9WA/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#art #alive #artist #nature #faerie #fairy #plantsofinstagram #plants #flowers #tattoo #meadow#meditation #lake #onewithnature #universe #calmn #mountains #grapes #days #random #tuesday #evening #sketchbook #sketch #pencildrawing #blackandwhite #chaoticenergy https://www.instagram.com/p/B20DMxJg2Ci/?igshid=1s69qaca5i3fr
Kinda hope we get a callback to the "it's viktor" line or jayce's "he's like a brother to me" in season 2 yk
Like viktor has all the machine heraldy stuff on and jayce says something like "ive never even met you" or "who/what are you" and viktor takes the mask off and it's like it's viktor
Or maybe the reveal happens through someone else to jayce. Like jayce asks if they know who's doing all of this and an enforcer (maybe caitlyn??) goes "it's viktor"
And I'd like them to do something with the brothers line because to me, that really screams vander and silco, and since we're probably getting more development for them maybe we'll see more of viktor and jayce in how they used to be, not just vi and jinx (still love them tho).
Like I know a lot of people really don't like that line because it gets in the way of jayvik, and if it were in any other context I wouldn't like it, but with all the sibling drama in arcane and all of the parallels between specifically siblings or sibling adjacent I feel like it's setting something up
We're just not sure what that is yet
I think viktor also really needs to start interacting with more characters because if jayce and silco can meet then viktor can talk to more than the same 5 people (and that's a bit of a stretch)
Convento Capuchinas. #igfame #igdaily #instagram #guatemala #good #life #instagood #instamood #love #days #trees #lights #happy #picoftheday #awesome #beautiful #iphone #contest #instagram #allshots #nice #bestphotooftheday #ig #arte #antigua #ancient
Convento Capuchinas. #igfame #igdaily #instagram #guatemala #good #life #instagood #instamood #love #days #trees #lights #happy #picoftheday #awesome #beautiful #iphone #contest #instagram #allshots #nice #bestphotooftheday #ig #arte #antigua #ancient
Convento Capuchinas. #igfame #igdaily #instagram #guatemala #good #life #instagood #instamood #love #days #trees #lights #happy #picoftheday #awesome #beautiful #iphone #contest #instagram #allshots #nice #bestphotooftheday #ig #arte #antigua #ancient
Convento Capuchinas. #igfame #igdaily #instagram #guatemala #good #life #instagood #instamood #love #days #trees #lights #happy #picoftheday #awesome #beautiful #iphone #contest #instagram #allshots #nice #bestphotooftheday #ig #arte #antigua #ancient
Convento Capuchinas. #igfame #igdaily #instagram #guatemala #good #life #instagood #instamood #love #days #trees #lights #happy #picoftheday #awesome #beautiful #iphone #contest #instagram #allshots #nice #bestphotooftheday #ig #arte #antigua #ancient
"And so my days drifted by, a joyous mix of sun worship, escaping from lessons, and the heavy leaden smell of paint." - Laura Shepperson, Phaedra
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Tiempo y pensamientos
Tener tiempo libre puede ser bueno pero cuando tienes demasiado, empiezas a sobrepensar las cosas, a hacerte mierda tu mismo, recordar cosas que no valen la pena, llorar por quien no vale la pena, ver cosas donde no las hay, o tal vez, si. Hay tantas cosas malas en tener tiempo libre y no saber utilizarlo.
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Day 15:
How do you deal with criticism?
It truly depends on whether the criticism is constructive or destructive. If I am in a work or school setting and someone is correcting something that I've done or giving helpful tips, I appreciate it to my core. And that is because I am a firm believer in always learning and if I am doing something wrong, I will never know until someone comes along to help. In essence, I welcome constructive criticism when it comes from a good place.
On the other side of that coin, there is destructive criticism which I will cry in private about later. These are instances when someone will acknowledge something I am self-conscious about in a negative way. Not to sound like a broken record but I am bigger and overall I am considered fat, so when someone criticizes me based on size, food, looks, etc. it truly does hurt. I will act like it does not bother me but deep down it shatters me. I am trying to hard to find self-love and to love the body that I am in and all it takes is a couple words to set back that progress.
Day 14:
What do you minimize about yourself? What do you flaunt?
Since I am fatter than most people, I try to minimize myself in several ways. I try not to take up too much space but always end up failing. When I am on a plane, I will make myself uncomfortable by squeezing my arms in so that I do not touch the person next to me. Id I am in a car, I will do the same but scooch as close to the door as possible. If I am in a crowded place, in an elevator, on the sidewalk, etc.
It is so subconscious at this point that I do not realize even doing it. It truly was not until this question that I realized I was making myself uncomfortable so that my bigness would not offend or bother anyone around me.
What I flaunt is more of a difficult question because it is so much easier to think of the negative than the positive. But I think that I am at a place in my life where I will proudly (kinda but I'll explain later) flaunt my height. I love wearing heels and I love going out and peering over a group because with heels I am about 6 feet tall. BUt the only time I feel self-conscious about my height is when a guy I am talking to is shorter than me in heels. And I KNOW that I shouldn't care but it is still a stigma that has stuck to me that will take some time to unlearn.
Day 13:
Why do you think you don’t deserve love?
This question hit me so hard because this exact question crosses my mind every day. I feel like I have received the short end of the stick in this life and that love comes with terms and conditions. I feel like I have so much love bursting from inside of me and it has nowhere to go and it is eating me up from the inside.
But, at the end of the day, I feel like I do not deserve love because of how I look. I feel like I will never get the love I deserve because I do not love myself. Sometimes I look in the mirror out of spite because I do not like what is looking back. I wish more than anything that I could look like everyone else. I wish I were thinner and my arms weren't so huge.
I know that if I had the ideal body type, I wouldn't have to beg guys for attention. I know that if I were more appealing to look at I would be happy in love, ya'know?
But I also know that this is not true. I know that I have spent so long hating myself that it will take a lifetime to unlearn the negative self-talk and quiet my demons. Because if I continue thinking of myself this way, I know that that is how the universe will perceive me.
Day 12:
How do you feel about “love”?
Based on the toxic loveless marriage my parents had while I was growing up, I am very cynical when it comes to love. I believe that love might exist but it will never be the fairytale love that I have dreamed about since I was a child. I used to dream of finding someone who made me feel protected, wanted, and safe. But where I am now in life, I do not believe that that kind of love could exist.
But I wish it were different. I wish I was quick to fall in love and that I could see a future with someone but at the rate that I am going, I think that I will never find that person. There is still an inkling of hope that I will always have but I am more realistic when it comes to love.
I always say that I never want kids but that is not true. Somedays I want to be a mother so bad but I know that I will never be able to do it on my own. And I refuse to bring children into this world if they are forced to grow up in the same conditions that I did. I refuse to have kids with someone who will not take responsibility. I refuse to be with someone who was just like my father.
So, for now, I will continue protecting my peace until someone comes along who can change my mind.
Day 11:
What should you attract into your life?
I want to attract more positivity into my life. I myself want to be more positive about myself, my situation, and my life but I also want my surroundings to radiate positivity as well. I do not want to be surrounded by people who dwell in negativity because that will seep into my life. I already feel like I have something attached to me that bleeds me dry most days and surrounding myself by someone who digs that wound deeper is not what I need during this time.
And while I want to eliminate the negativity altogether, unfortunately, I am in a situation that leaves little room for positivity. I know that I should not be putting this into the universe but like I said, I feel like there is some sort of cosmic vengeance that hangs over me 24/7. It is a cruel joke most days if I am being honest, for everything to be going great and then have it all come crumbling down tenfold.
At some point, I think I want to perform a return-to-sender ritual because someone has to be wishing ill upon our whole family. There is just no way that we all have been dealt the nastiest cards if someone was not putting it into the universe.
Day 10:
What do you need to let go of?
I need to let go of the trauma my parents put me through. I need to let go of everything that happened to me growing up and instead become a better person because of it. I need to stop swearing off people, things, and opportunities because I am terrified of ending up like my parents.
My mom and dad were so toxic together that I used to hope that they would divorce but they "stayed together for the kids." But that is bullshit, they stayed together because it was easier and because they were selfish. And I look back and I refuse to ever go through that and because I am holding onto that I have been so scared to love that I have closed off completely. I think that I am unlovable.
I know that it is all in my head but there are so many years of watching my parents hate each other, makeup, abuse each other, dance, drink, and smoke themselves to death, and the cycle would just continue.
I do not want to fall into that cycle but I fear that I have created a whole new toxic cycle instead.
Day 9:
What do you need to stop running away from?
If there is one thing that I need to stop running from, it is change. I do not mean change around me because I am always open to learning new things and opening my mind but I mean change when it directly affects me. I hope and pray everyday to be a better version of myself but I never do anything to initiate it. At the moment, I am working out and trying to eat healthier but the little voices in my head are fighting hard and winning. I am trying to find new job opportunities and I am trying to get back to school and I am just overall trying to crawl out of this hole that I am in but I feel defeated.
Every time I think that I am finally getting somewhere, there is a new obstacle and I am so tired. I am so tired of just being and fighting and looking at others where things come so easily. I am not sure what I have done in this life or past ones but I want to change that and don't know how. I know I walked about comparing myself to others and how I need to stop that but in instances like this, it is so hard.
While this does affect me, I will not let it drag me down.
Day 8:
What do you hate about others? Why? What might that say about yourself?
Hate is such a strong word and I feel like there is so very little that I hate but if I had to categorize something, it would be the fact that people choose to hate others. What I am referring to is when people hate people who have to get abortions, people who are going through the journey of transition, people who fall in love with the same sex, or just people who choose to use their religion to spew hate.
I am in no way saying that people should all think one way because that would be ridiculous but at some point we have to stop letting hate rule our lives. If it is not hurting others, animals, or objectively morally wrong, I believe people should just be able to live their lives how they choose.
As for what that says about me, I think it just means that I am open-minded and mind my business, in general. There are always new things that I am learning every day and I will stumble every once in a while but I will never let hate ruin my heart. It is so toxic and I refuse to be someone that people dread to be around.
Day 7:
Do you hold grudges against others that could be let go? What’s your motive for holding onto them?
If there is one thing that I have begrudgingly learned from my late father, it is the ability to hold a grudge. Pride meant everything to him and as an adult, I am realizing that I am my father's daughter. There are friends who I am sure have matured and realized their mistakes but I am still stuck in the past. I am holding on to the thread and the memory of them screwing me over. It hurt my feelings to know that someone I loved at one point in time could negate my feelings entirely and purposely hurt me.
I think I hold onto them because I do not want them to ever happen to me again. I don't want to look like an idiot forgiving someone for continuously screwing me over. At the end of the day, while I am scared of being hurt, I am terrified of looking like a complete idiot. So, in turn, I hold onto things and they are always at the forefront of my mind.
I do truly hope to let go of those inhibitions one day and just let things come and go as the universe wishes it but I know I'll have to work hard to get there one day.
Day 6:
What irrational fears do you have and how do they hold you back?
One of my most irrational fears is that I am afraid to do things on my own. I know that I have mentioned this already but I am so scared to get out and be my own person that I self-sabotage every chance I get. I have been alone most of my life and I am scared that I am going to die alone. All I want and all I have ever wanted was to find someone to complete me and someone I can do things with. And I know that I should be happy on my own and that my self-worth should not rely on someone else but I am tired of feeling alone and unwanted.
I want my Goddess to place someone in my life that adds to it, not someone I rely solely upon. But again, I know that I have to find peace within in order to for all the pieces to fall into place. So, until then, I will try my best to love myself and fix the aspects of my life that I can.
Day 5:
In what ways are you inauthentic?
In most parts of my life, to be quite honest. There is so much that I put a front on for or just flat out lie about that sometimes it becomes too much. I lie about money, I lie about how I’m doing, and I lie about how I feel about myself and others.
Most days I agree to things because I don’t like the feeling of being left out but I literally can’t afford it. I’m too embarrassed to admit that I’m struggling right now. I need to start saying no.
I lie about how other actions don’t affect me. I lie because I don’t want them to know how much they’ve hurt me. My emotions have always been a touchy subject for me and that is something that I am working on as well. I need to learn how to express myself in a healthy way.
Day 4:
If you could get rid of one bad memory, what would it be and why?
The one memory I would get rid of is from the hospital the day my dad woke up after losing his voice. Not to make a horrible situation that happened to my dad all about me but that day was so very traumatic. I remember that they had told us that he had cancer from smoking cigarettes but I did not think it was going to be as bad as it was.
It was nighttime when he finally woke up and the room was packed to capacity with people checking up on him. But he woke up so frustrated and angry and all he was doing was grunting and trying to write. He was trying so hard to tell us what he needed and nothing would come out. It was the saddest moment of my life because he was a man who filled any room with his loud voice and laughter.
I remember that everyone around me was crying and that frustrated him even more. Every time he saw someone crying he would start banging things next to him. So instead of crying like everyone else around me, I stayed stoic. I tried my hardest to be the person he needed at that moment. I tried my best and I succeeded, but at what cost?
I mean here I am more than 10 years later and that memory still haunts me. The guilt still lingers.
I feel guilty because before he lost his voice he used to scream all the time. He used to scream so much that we thought his voice was hoarse from the yelling, not cancer. But it was too much for me; I remember I used to pray for him to stop screaming. I used to pray for some peace and quiet and when I finally had it, it was mortifying.
I can't remember his voice, I think that is the worst part.
He died in 2020 after they amputated both of his legs and told him they were going to have to take his arm too. He lived such a miserable life that I was so happy when he finally passed. He no longer had to suffer and neither did I. And while the death certificate is only 3 years old, I truly believe that the day he lost his voice is the day he died inside.
Day 3:
What do you love most about yourself?
The thing that I love the most about myself, physically, is my smile. I am biased but I think that I have an awesome smile. I have never had braces and my teeth are perfectly straight and I have dimples on each side. My smile is something that I am extremely grateful for because I know that if I had needed braces when I was younger, my parents would not have been able to afford them. I like to joke that it is the best thing that my parents have given me to date.
The thing that I love the most about myself, internally, is that I am adaptable. I can mold myself to almost any situation and I always try my best not to complain. If I am thrust into a scenario where I do not know anyone, I will mingle and make friends as I go. It is a daunting feeling because it forces me to step out of my comfort zone but I can't remember a time where I have ever regretted it.
I have plenty of insecurities but these are the two things I am confident about.