It Is What It Is - Blog Posts

I love my boyfriend, I really do. He's probably the healthiest relationship I've had in my life too, but I just.

I'm a very private, introverted, and closed off person. I like my alone time, I don't talk often unless you get me started on things, and I typically don't like people. Tbh I have a hard time being nice to people, including people I love and like.

My boyfriend is very clingy, which is okay, but I don't want him to feel like I'm gonna leave him or get all sad because I want some time alone. Like we're always on call and it's kind of bothering me? Not because it's him, but because I'm technically not having full alone time. I feel guilty because I know he's a very clingy and lovey person, but I really can't be on call with someone for days on end. I love him, but God I need my space.

That and I also am starting to miss being single, because I didn't have to worry about talking to people about my games which usually are romance/character oriented. I feel guilty play these games I have loved for years and use as comfort because I have a boyfriend. Idk.

Like I don't want to leave him but I also can't be surrounded and loved on 24/7. It's not even like we are always talking on call either, it's just the fact I'm not alone that is bothering me sometimes. It's also not all the time that I'm annoyed I'm not alone, more often then not I'm happy to be around him and everything but like when I'm doing my thing and he calls me I get agitated.

It kind of reminds me of when you're doing something and someone interrupts you and you love them but now you're very upset.

Also I want us to take it slow because I do have commitment issues and attachment issues and it kind of feels like we're rushing it at the same time. Like yes, one day in far future I'll marry him (maybe, idk how life will go) but like rn can we just vibe?

I'm also feeling guilty cuz I am in the ace scale (not sure what ace I am but I know I'm ace) and he's a very sexual person while I'm very like. I use it to cope, like a bad coping skill and to deal with stress. Sexual things are kind of something I have a love hate relationship with? Cuz due to trauma I'm a hypersexual and I hate it because I kind of don't want to have sex ever. I mean imagination and fictional stuff I'm all for but I am very neutral and sometimes against doing stuff irl. He even thought that he wasn't satisfying my needs because my ace ass hasn't done anything sexual and honestly didn't want to.

Idk. I personally don't think I'm ready for a relationship at all, honestly I don't think I really need one. I think I'm fine being single and having friends (even though I honestly only have my best friend and a few online friends), a relationship is kind of my last priority. I feel a little bad for that mindset but I'm also borderline poor and have sever health issues plus a lot of trauma I went through recently so like ... Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I still love my boyfriend and I don't plan on leaving him unless he fucks up or I quite literally cannot handle it, I'm just kind of upset or smt?

Maybe I'm just not use to someone being so clingy or so lovey and stuff this early on. It's not bad, he's very sweet and everything, I just don't know if I can handle it. I can barely handle myself. I think maybe it's something wrong with me, maybe I'm just built wrong or something. I adore him but also ugh relationship. Maybe I just need my alone time back and I'll be good? Idk lmao.

I think I just need to make sure we slow down and go at my pace and let him know that I need my alone time and that, as much as I love him, the relationship isn't my highest priority. He's still a priority just not the highest one. I'm number one. So yeah. Idk.

Okay, so I have 92 tabs on my laptop, 107 in Chrome on my phone and 50 in Opera on my phone... And a shit tone of bookmarks everywhere, even in my notes... But the thing is, if I put something in the bookmarks there is really hight probability that I will find them again after many months or never again xD if I have them open, I will keep an eye on them, even accidentally, I scroll through them, because I remembered something is somewhere there, but still... I don't have a habit to look at my bookmarks, because it's a list of words for me, and opened tabs show me what's there xD

Also it's like looking into someone's mind, 249 open tabs, some are frozen, some are really old, some plays music, some have really specific and weird research going on, most of them are just fanfiction or porn... You know how it is xD

Wait. They aren’t jokes. You guys really keep dozens of tabs open on your browser forever.

I'm in this picture and I don't like it

Yeah

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!! AHH AHHHHHH !!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHH !!!!!! AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !! AAAAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHH !! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! AHHH !! AHHHHHH !!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH !!!!! AAAAAAH !!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! !! AHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! AAAAAHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!

A step ahead.

There may be times, when you fall and feel broken. You feel like, you are done with all of the earthly things and think to give up, then I advice you to read this.

There may be such times, it’s not a great deal. Just try to be a little bit happier and smile a little wider.

This didn’t help? Uhhhhmmm. Wait, then read this:

So, you are sad, for whatever’s going on around you, everything’s going on but not correctly. You’ve fallen, but no one is even there to help you,get up. I see, then all you need to remember is that while cycling, you may have fallen, a thousand of times, but it has always helped to you, to pay more attention, to drive more carefully. Isn’t it? Yes, it is. Remember when you fell in front of your friend? You just laughed it of, right? This is a fall similar to that. You always fall, to get up and do a little better and try a little harder. Remember your goal, for which you started this journey for? What about that? You’ll get up and get going, right? That’s what sport’s-man-ship is.Don’t forget that when you reach home, there is always someone to ask you if you’re okay. And even if you live alone, you will always have yourself. You feel sad, for you are not perfect for everyone? You don’t need to be. If you do everything by yourself then what will others do? They’ll be jobless. Oh! You are perfect. Actually everyone is, just in their own way. You always need to see the bright side. “Every cloud has a silver lining” remember. Now all you’ve got to do is, put on a smile, a real one and start from where you left, because starting again would be tough. Now you are getting back to your way to your goal, aren’t you? Good!! There’s always a step ahead, and not too far.

Commission I did for one of my friends :D

Introducing: my favorite character dynamic

If you're thinking that this is a bag appreciation post

YOU'RE THINKING CORRECT, LOOK AT HOW COOL THIS SHIT IS!!!! 💥💥💥

YOU...

In case y'all are wondering why I went missing for even longer than usual, here's a short explanation.

Basically my tablet is still in Poland and since I physically cringe at my traditional art I just didn't post shit or dick LOL

sneak peak of another atrocious (no) sketch because my motivation randomly came back after sitting for 5 hours with my spine bent like a question mark chat what do we think🗣

also lowk proud of myself my art randomly improved?? Maybe I'm just delusional

some teen Gojo I drew back in like January ?? very early 2025

It is a picture of me, my wife, my son, and of a saxophone.