03/29/2025

Middle of Day 1 Recovery

Spent some time with a friend and started working on a minor task that I had been procrastinating on. Feels good to finally get it done, even though it is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

I feel a little bit more in control when I feel like I don't need to be a couch potato 24/7 (no judgment if someone chooses to be this way). I just realized that I need something to distract me from falling into a dark hole of depression and self-pity. I think today hasn't been too bad =)

Journal

I got into a car accident with my friend today... This was my very first one with an actual collision. Crazy enough, I was in shock at first and cried, but then once I realized what was going on, my brain decided to shut out my emotions and be logical about all the things I needed to do and all the people I needed to contact.

I don't know, I feel like I need to be the strong one in this situation. I can see how distressed my friend is and how guilty she is for the accident, and I just can't bring myself to make her feel any worse. There's a lot on my mind now... Are my pain and bruises going to go away soon? Are my travel plans for Spring Break going to work out? Is my dog going to be OK after the accident? Am I actually suffering from internal bleeding? Lol I realize I have a morbid sort of humor as well.

Tbh writing this out makes me feel really sad about my progress with thesis. I was literally started a routine and tracking how I am doing each day, and then "bam!", life hits you in a way you never expected.

I mean, yes, I am grateful I survived (especially my friend and my dog) because someone could have died. And then what? Where do my emotions go? How do I process all of this? How can I express my feelings while not feeling like I'm hurting my friend?

It's going to be OK. That's what I keep telling myself. I truly believe in it. I just don't know how that's going to happen. We shall see...

04/10/2025

Quick update before I crash... I slept at 3:30am yesterday cause I started binge-reading the latest chapters of Ex-Love Review. It's sooooo gooood. So it's now 2am and I just finished filing my taxes 🙃

Completed

✅ Shower! ✅ See clients ✅ Advisory meeting ✅ A long walk with my dog 💖 ✅ Play A Little to the Left ✅ Light dinner ✅ FILE TAXES (Yes I finally did it and ahead of the deadline too!!)

To-Dos

⏹️ Clinic notes x4 ⏹️ Clinic report results x1 ⏹️ Thesis writing (I probably should start this again before I get too busy over the weekend...)

I cannot physically keep my eyes open. Ok, good night 😴

Some motivation to start today =)

Even when you're tired, remember why you started.

03/26/2025

A quick update before I crash... Had a long day of school and vented to my best friend for an hour before doing work at night. I guess you can say I had a productive day of procrastination.

Completed

✅ Classes

✅ Seeing client

✅ Part-time job

✅ Research meeting

✅ Grocery shopping

✅ Sushi night

✅ Online quiz

How I feel during the day:

I still haven't written anything new for my thesis this week, and the stress and pressure are slowly getting to me. But my friend is right: What needs to get done will get done eventually. So maybe I can let go and live a little, breathe some fresh air back into my lungs, and stop feeling like I have to do a million things in a day for the next 6 weeks.

04/14/2025

A new day, a new plan. Trying to stay optimistic and ground myself with inner peace today. I'm not sure what will happen in the future, so all I can do is to take one step at a time and focus on today =)

Completed

✅ Walk my dog ✅ Yoga ✅ Breakfast ✅ Inspirational videos (they're helpful to give me hope and motivation 💖) ✅ Pay bills ✅ Thesis: revise 1 section (took me 3 hours in total to add citations and draft an email to my advisor lol; but it's DONE!) ✅ Group project 2: find presentation slide template ✅ Therapy ✅ Dinner ✅ Play Xbox with partner ✅ Case presentation: background information ✅ Shower (gonna go shower now~)

To-Dos

⏹️ Clinic report results 3 ⏹️ Clinic report results 4

I have quite a bit to finish today, but I am hopeful. At least there are also some things to look forward to 😊

[End of day: 12:26am] Basically finished around 11:45 but I didn't want to stop watching drama trailers to find my new show lol. Then my internet decided to give me issues so now I will go shower and call it a night 🥱

OK ranting a little before I start...

I'm kinda sick and tired of people telling me all I need is discipline and consistency. Like you think I've never considered that??? That's what people say, like EVERYWHERE!

Has anyone thought maybe there is more to these two words? Or maybe there's more to people who consistently "fail" at discipline and consistency?

Before I make a tough decision every day - whether it is whether I should skip my class or what I want to eat for lunch - maybe I can stop and ask what my future self would like me to do? And then maybe I can finally be at peace when I choose to rest when I'm tired and enjoy my time with friends without feeling guilty.

04/08/2025

Starting my studying at home at 10:32pm... It's ok, I'm just going to do my best until I let myself start getting ready to go to bed in an hour. I will need the sleep, and I cannot wait to rest because I have worked hard lately =)

Completed

✅ School ✅ Staff meeting (1.5 hours...) ✅ Part-time job ✅ Nap (2 hours 😮‍💨) ✅ Dinner/snack ✅ Clinic document (so proud! I've been procrastinating on this since Feb lol)

To-Dos

⏹️ Clinic report results 1 ⏹️ Clinic report results 2 ⏹️ Shower (I'll consider this in the morning 😅)

Kinda still feeling frustrated that my professor docked points because I have been getting to class late, but I literally have accommodations for that. I hope it's just that he forgot. I'll need to talk to him about it, and I'm not enthusiastic about it...

[End of study: 12:08am] Ok, I'm calling it a day because I don't want to push my sleep back any further. Good night, lovely humans 🩵

I like this post! It reaffirmed some things I've learned in the past =)

Two things I would modify from the first two bullet points under the first point are:

Be authentic: Don't fake it if you're feeling not OK, sad, or other negative emotions. You don't need to fully explain yourself (it's a privilege for the people who care about you and you trust). But don't hide your true self and put on a mask just because you don't want to scare people away. Life has its ups and downs. The right people for you are going to understand that we have our feelings and it's OK.

Understand what you needs and communicate your needs: I learned this from my therapy training. There are times we want to vent, to scream, to cry, to talk about our problems with someone else. If you have experienced people pulling away because you're talking about your problem or "complaining," it might not be because you shouldn't talk about your problems and just go figure it out yourself. It might be due to the people you talk to do not know what you need and they want to handle your problem based on their own way. They could also have low energy when you share with them and they do not have extra energy to share your pain. If you want to vent, ask the person you want to talk with if they have the time and energy for you to vent about what is going on. And if you cannot find someone to vent to and you know you need someone to give you a safe and non-judgmental space to talk, it is always an option to see a therapist and see if it is what you need.

Have a wonderful day, lovely humans 🩵

how to build bridges and make meaningful connections ❀•°❀

for the girlies who want more than just superficial relationships

1. be the kind of energy that people want to stay around

be light, not draining. bring warmth, humor, and softness where you can. I always try to smile at people when I talk to them or see them, and people notice how I'm happy to hang out with them. just bringing a positive energy immediately draws people towards you.

try not to complain. everybody has struggles, and while venting can feel natural, it can also quietly drain the energy from conversations and people listening. personally, I struggle with this too. but, when we constantly focus on what's wrong, we unknowingly push people away. no one wants to feel like every conversation is a weight to carry.

instead, try adding something lighter or more meaningful. instead of saying, "I'm so stressed," try "this week is super busy, but I'm making time for a break soon." it's not about pretending that life's perfect, but being mindful of the energy you bring to a space.

show up with consistency. make plans for lunch and actually show up. remember small things that they say in conversations. it's always the greatest feeling when someone remembers that I had an important performance or difficult test and then ask me about it afterwards.

2. connect through conversation

make eye contact. it's uncomfortable, I get it. but, when you look someone in the eye while they're talking to you, it makes you look 1) more engaged about what they're saying, and 2) more genuinely appreciative of their presence. practice doing it little by little every day, and soon, it will become like second-nature.

share stories, not just facts. I think that conversations come alive with small stories with details that make moments memorable. for example, instead of just saying “I had a phone as a kid because I was on the soccer team” (fact), i added layers: “I got a phone because I went to soccer matches as a kid! I was terrible at soccer, but I helped the team by tricking opponents into thinking I’d get the ball. basically, I was a glorified decoy” (story). true story, by the way.

3. acknowledge them, even if you are not actively hanging out.

greet them by name. when you see them while walking, make an effort to remember their name and say hi. I feel that greetings come off as much more genuine when I address them personally.

if you don't know their name, still make an effort to smile and wave. I would still appreciate it if someone takes the time to acknowledge me, even for a little moment, because it shows that they care.

4. embrace compliments and connection

take compliments. I'll be the first to admit, I struggle with this too. but, isn't it a bit awkward when you give someone a compliment and they instantly deflect it with "oh but I look so ugly today like my hair is whack and my eyeliner is uneven" (calling myself out...)? instead, I think it's best to thank them genuinely for noticing you, even if you don't fully agree with their compliment. receive it with gratitude, not self-criticism. it's not about actually being perfect, but appreciating the kindness behind their words.

compliment them back, and be observant about it. you could just say, "you look amazing too" (though that's still nice). but, the next step could be noticing something specific, like their earrings or the way they carry themselves. or, share what you actually admire about them, like their kindness or determination. it's about making your compliment feel personal and thoughtful.

if you admire someone, tell them. it only sounds fake if you make it fake.

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remember, real connections are built on authenticity and kindness. it's not about being perfect. it's about being genuine, showing up, and appreciating the people around you. now, you just have a few more tools on how to make these connections and be the friend that you would appreciate in your own life.

thank you for reading all the way through as always. wishing everybody all the good things in the world and a blessed rest of your day <3

sending lots of love, q's playlist