Burymeinplainsight - BuryMeInPlainSight

16 pieces of wheatthins plain 140

1 smart kettle corn popcorn 100

240 calorie snack

Skipped lunch today. Took a melatonin pill 5mg when I got back from grocery shopping after work 😴. I slept from 10am all the way till 6pm.

0 calories for me. Still at 474.

I had a dream I was eating cheesy pizza then I woke up scared that I had gone way over my calorie intake. The pizza was so darn vivid and juicy. Fuck

I think I'll have some tea instead before I head to work. Now that I awoke I'm not that hungry just thristy.

I'm already at 830 calories yikes! All because I ate some of my coworkers food. So the plan for today is to FAST untill 12am the following morning.

Rules for fast-

Take vitamins and supplements

Sip plenty of water

Sip plenty of low cal tea 🍵 sweetened with splenda

Diet soda is allowed zero calorie

Take a warm shower to get my mind off food

Take a long nap

Binge watch YouTube

If I can manage this fast I will stay at 830 calories. Still alot but at least I didn't consume more calories. At this point I'll take what I can get

Morning tea with a little cream

My big jar of zero calorie sweetness

I wish I could survive on as little calories as possible. I long to punish myself for the wrong I've done to my ex, my mother or just anyone really that I have displeased with my presence. I need to punish myself. Only then I'll be a good girl inside and out. I'd say a good number for myself would be 500 calories. I need to punish myself. I CANNOT exists on food. My suffering will be atonement for all my sins.

Grocery shopping today-

Zero sugar torani flavor syrup carmel and vanilla

Zero sugar coffee creamer pumpkin spice

More tea flavors

Canned pumpkin

Cinnamon

Things are gonna start getting tight around here-

This is my plan to lose weight-

I will eat only what is on my safe food list

I will eat no more than 500 to 600 calories per day - I mean it this time

I will take a multivitamin and eat some protein powder

I will drink lots of water

I will not worry about the pain of being hungry as hunger just means I'm losing weight. And it means I'm burning fat

I will stay away from my trigger foods

I will purge if I eat to much food or if I go over my calorie intake

I will distract my self if I'm hungry. I want to lose weight.

I'm gonna weigh myself daily as well when I wake up from my nap

Ugh... I have to be honest I ended up binging on fast food 🙃. I ate a whole pizza and some cinnamon sticks and I feel like such a fat cow. Oh well tommrow I will be be fasting the whole day to make up for it.

God I fucking suck.... stupid bitch why did you have to give In? Did I really need that fucking slice of pizza? No the fuck I didn't.