Mare Barrow As The Gladiolus Flower Meaning Strength, Infatuation And Remembrance

Neil is that stray cat who will scratch the absolute sh*t out of you if you try to hug or pet it

He needs ppl who will just accept his presence there, no matter how many cups he pushes off of the balcony(and he WILL push every mug or cup he has the opportunity to, bc he is just waiting for the time it is gonna be too much and everyone is gonna leave him, like he is used to) and ppl who will not bother or make a big deal out of it once he eventually decides to get close and lay on their laps or by their side. But getting close has to be his decision, bc his problem isnt that he thinks no one would ever show him love, his problem is that he believes he is too much and that this love will never be something permanent, at some point he is gonna cause too much trouble and ppl will give up on him. So he has to be the one to get close and he just needs ppl to be prepared for when he realizes they arent backing away, no matter how hard he tries to make them. Those are the Foxes. They respected all his limits (biggest example is the shower thing), stayed away as long as he needed to (but always in arms reach) and once he believed he had gone too far and nobody would be there for him (Baltimore), they still are there waiting. Thats when he opens up and allows them to come in his world. He would never survive the Trojans shower of affection or their worried intromissions in his life (not bc he didnt like them, but bc he would never see them as genuine, so he would see it as threat and run)

Jean is that dog that has been beaten and put to sleep on the outside way too many times. He doesnt know love, but he also doesnt know freedom. He doesnt need ppl to prove that they will stick by him, bc his abusers have stuck by his side all his life. He needs ppl to prove to him that they will stay by his side not because they hate or despise him, but because they love him deeply. Once he sees affection he will find it weird, but he will accept it (bc he was taught not to bite, unlike tge stray cat, that learned to bite and scratch at the smallest sign of a threat) long enough to actually start liking it. He will see the love he never had and even though it scares the fuck out of him, he will stay. He doesnt believe anybody would ever love him, but he has wished to be a loved qll his life with every cell of his body, so once he is in fact loved, even though it scares him and he doesnt think he desearves it, he cant help but to be drawn by it. For him it feels like a trap (why would anybody ever love HIM??), but he just cant help to fall for it. And once he realizes it in fact isnt a trap and that ppl actually like and find him worthy, he will also start to give this love back, bc thats all he ever wanted, to love and be loved. It still feels like ge is in a fever dream, but he just wants to enjoy every single part of it, like someone who has walked on a desert for days and suddenly finds a river with clean water

They are completely different, but at the same both Neil and Jean just wanted to find a family, to find ppl who would love and accept them for who they were and both have found it 🥹🥹

I just love them so much

The more I think about the differences between how the Trojans show affection vs how the Foxes do, the more I come to the conclusion that they unwittingly created the perfect environment for Jean and Neil’s arcs respectively.

Take for example the way Cat and Laila show Jean affection. The forehead kisses, the hugs, the endless reassurance and compassion. It may go without saying but Neil would’ve hated it if he ended up in that situation. He would’ve booked it faster than you can say Wesninski. But Jean? I mean sure he was baffled at first, but the way he grows to lean into it? The way he shows affection the same way back? Jean needed that brand of affection in a way Neil won’t ever. He needed to learn that he was deserving of such love; that there are people out there now who cared about him as deeply as he does them.

Neil on the other hand needed to learn a whole different set of lessons. The Foxes showing him that they care was less such obvious displays of love and more about patience in the face of his complications. More about their willingness to stick by him when the fabricated life he clung so hard to unraveled at the seams. Jean wouldn’t have flourished as much in that environment because he didn’t need understanding as much as he needed love. He didn’t need someone to help piece his life back together as much as he needed someone to love what was already there.

Neil is like an innocent looking stray cat that the foxes still kept even when they got bit; while Jean is like an abused show dog that the Trojans nurse back to health. And good lord do I love them both for it.

And even though he does this, the moment he sees Neil he cusses him out for being a disgrace to Exy, bc the day Kevin compliments Neil directly to his face is the day he dies

kevin's pro teammates will never live up to neil josten. kevin lets them know this daily.

And he has chemestry with the four of them, and has already flirted (even without noticing ) with the four of them

its truly poetry that kevin “it’s better to be straight” day only has 4 friends and both pairs of them are gay and fucking each other

To be honest, they have been the victims of crimes more times then they have actually committed crimes

I think this has to change

Time to be gay, do crime

my take is they should do more crime actually

While not being able to find a decent match for himself

Like, c'mmon Kevin, Thea???????

listen

kevin day can be the queen of the court or whatever

he can be one of the best players in the game

but his TRUE talent is unintentionally matchmaking his queer friends

"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time." "Neil," Kevin said, low and frantic. Neil ignored him. "I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone."

You think Tilda ever slipped her pills into Aaron's food when he was just a kid to get him to finally calm down, shut up, and go to sleep? You think she brought boyfriends over and let them beat on Aaron and send him running to get beers from the fridge like an errand boy? You think Tilda would grab Aaron by his hair hard enough to leave bald patches bad enough that Aaron would wear beanies and caps all the time? You think Aaron ever ran away with a small second hand book bag and a couple of shirts and jeans and the only toy Tilda ever got him, only to come back after two days and realize Tilda never even knew he was gone. You think Aaron loved school, not because he got to get away from home or hang out with friends, but because he gets to eat a whole meal, even if school lunches weren't that good. You think Aaron ever tried to wake up Tilda from an overdose, with shaking hands and shallow panicked breaths, he tries to stay calm enough to remember what he has to do, just give her the narcan and everything should be fine (by the third time his hands no longer shake, by the fifth he realizes he wants to be a doctor). You think on the rare occasion Aaron goes to church with Luther he can't help but make a prayer, not for a new family, not for his mom to go away, not for her to stop hitting him, but for Tilda to look at him with love, to take him out to eat, show up at his exy games, for her to be clean, for her not to die the next time she takes to much.

fake idgafer i saw you beat up four men for being homophobic to your cousin. i saw you kill your brother’s abuser. i saw you befriend a kindhearted religious girl even though you knew the others would tease you. i saw you offer two traumatized boys protection when they thought they would never get any. i saw you ask “how many kids” when you found out that your abuser targeted more people. i saw you sitting on the roof even though you’re afraid of heights because you didn’t want to feel nothing anymore

pt.52!! <pt.51

tags for the homies ❤️ @andrewsleftarmband @blurryhour @you-know-i-get-itt @notexactlythatgirl @longspacerat @tessasilverswan @minyard-05 @carbon-dated-gal @bisexualchaosdemon @stormiiflies @watercoloureyes01 @vampire-overlord @iron-sides @azure-wing @buffalo-fox @ohgodnotagainplease @pink-hydrangea @jaywalkerss @ohmynoggin-blog @cosmic-marauder @min-getoutofmy-yard @plazybones @disastersappho @leestars13 @the-witch-forever-lives @minyardsss @post-historical-posts @andabuttonnose @hidinginmyhands @aftg4l @allfor-thegames @kaleidoskuls @inafieldofstarflowers @snowcoming @mooniism @jeanmoreausautismstickers @prometheusthedragon @graveyardviolence @bustedleftshoe @beatrix33 @aftg-bs @yes-i-exist-shutup @milktemproom @all-for-exy @moon-over-ruined-castle @oneandonlystarshine @dragonslayer26806 @malepresentingleg

And thats why he is my fave, dude is a literal menace

Also, Aaron absolutely not reacting to Neil throwing sh*t at him is so funny. Unbothered king

my favorite scene in all of literature is when Neil Josten wakes up in Columbia after being drugged, hurls an alarm clock at Aaron, dumps his water on the floor and throws the cup at Aaron, stuff his clothes down the toilet and squeezes out through the window, has the foresight to call Matt from a pay phone to protect his shit, hitch hikes back to campus, eyes back to brown?? shows up on Wymack’s door like 😜 and reveals he could speak German the whole time?? CHARACTER OF ALL TIME, that is a protagonist who knows how MOVE THE MFING PLOT ALONG