Inaccurate Batfam Quotes #3

MISHAPOCALYPSE

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inaccurate Batfam quotes #7

Batman: phone rings "Hello?"

Tim: "DadJasonjustshottheguninthehouseandnoweverythingisinabsoluteanarchypleasecomesaveme" dodges vase "oh my god, DAMIAN! GO PUT THE TIGER BACK!"

Justice Legue: ...

Batman: "Wait, slow down. Jason did what? Damian has a Tiger?"

Tim: "Do you really need to ASK? THERE'S A TIGER IN THE HOUSE, BRUCE!"

Batman: "I'll be home soon. Is everyone okay?"

Tim: "My mental stability isn't but I think their fine-" BANG "Nevermind, Damian's been shot."

Batman: "Where is Alfred?"

Tim: "Silently watching us in the corner of the room." pause of silence "OH GOD, THERE'S A FIRE! I gotta go."

click

Batman: Emergency. I have to leave.

Superman, that heard everything with Super-hearing: ... Right. So-

Inaccurate Flashfam quotes #2

Bart Allen: Okay, this is it. I'm battling a Evil supervillain trying to kill me and probably my worstest enemy.

Bart's mind: Make casual conversation and playful banter the entire time.

Bart:

Bart: Let's do it.

New headcanon that Jason and Bart flirt with each other over coms like how Derek and Garcia from criminal minds talk over the phone.

Bart: You’ve reached the line of ‘saving your souls’. How can I help you today.

Jason: Hey, Angel, need you to track (random specific stuff) for me.

Bart: Do I get a reward if I do, hot stuff?

Better yet would be the absolute mortification of everyone else on the line and they would find it so funny.

Jason: You’re on speaker so behave.

Bart: or what? You’ll spank me?

Tim, bashing his forehead into the batdesk:

-

Jason, looking Bart up and down: ‘Afternoon, gorgeous.

Bart: I have pretty eyes or beautiful thighs, only pick one to stare at at a time.

Dick: … I- I’ll just leave you two be.

-

Jason: Imp, angel, tell me something I wanna hear.

Bart: you’re a statuesque God chiselled of beefy marble.

Jason: … something I don’t know.

Damian, slowly unsheathing his katana and plotting murder: Tell us about the case, you abomination.

inaccurate Batfam quotes #30

The favourite thing the media loves about Bruce Wayne is he never takes vacations like all billionaires tend to do. He has all this money, power, and influence but he never spends it for himself. He always seems to be giving to charity and all his time to his life work-- Even though part of the reason is Gotham needs Batman, the public doesn't know that.

It get's brought up numerous times durring gala's amongst the patrions and there are multiple stories praising him over his hard work, not to mention how Wayne tech became more diverse in it's products over the years thanks to the help of his children's input of what the people wanted.

Dick helped him make clothing lines that all looked amazing, because the boy is slightly a fashon guru. Jason had plenty of things to say about clubs and casinos since he himself used to own one and knew of the revenue and good rep they gave. Tim talked about alternative technologies they could invest in, like fabricated organs or false limbs and bones since he himself had a missing spleen. Damian mostly ranted about self protection weapons so he made a formula of pepper spray and with the help of Jason a Wayne taser. Cassandra, though not much to say, casually slips comments about orphanages. Babs says a lot about phones, products and cosmetics.

Gotham may be a twisted place but they love all of the Batkids and Bruce especially.

Boys of Flashfam connections but as D&D alignments.

Barry and Wally: Lawful Neutral. They share the same need to serve justice And Wally’s the “golden child”.

Wally and Bart: Chaotic Neutral. Bart annoys Wally, Wally makes Bart consider murder, at the end of the day they tolerate each other at most.

Barry and Bart: Chaotic Evil. Barry doesn’t believe in Bart, Bart’s trying his best and he will throw hands with his grandpa. Barry is just a tyrant. They have some kind of feud because Bart is also related to Eobard.

Barry and Jay: Lawful good. Ever heard the expression apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? In this case it’s more like that tree was genetically cloned to make a new tree and those two trees make it Hell for the apples trying to roll far away from them.

Wally and Jay: Lawful neutral. They have a decent standpoint on each other. Jay sometimes has old man wisdom but ehhh well-

Bart and Jay: True Neutral. Oh boy where do I begin. Outside if the suits, they are just like a boy living with his uncle. In suits, it’s like a constantly angry bird telling off another smaller bird for wanting to fly.

Bart and Max: Chaotic good. This, this right here is father and son. They have wholesome and domestic lives and a dad trying to teach his kid about heroism. Nothing to see here.

Wally and Max: True Neutral. Max babysits the kids sometimes. They have nothing against each other but they’re also not close. No one’s as close to Max as Bart is.

Barry and Max: Chaotic Neutral. Picture if you will. “Hey old man I hardly talk to. I know you’re basically retired and all but take this kid that’s my grandson, raise and teach him.” Says Barry dropping off Bart like he were a puppy. Sorry Max, Barry can’t teach Bart cause he doesn’t feel like it.

The Prince and the Snake {Drarry One-Shot}

“Today, class, we will be making an exciting potion!” Professor Slughorn pipes. “Each of you already has the ingredients on your work table in front of you. Don’t touch them yet!” he ushers as one of the arrogant Gryffindors went to grab something. “These ingredients in particular make the creatura corpus potion. This potion works much like wolfsbane, but a short-term verion. You see, this concoction will turn any mythical creature and shift it to a human form for a small period of time depending on how well the potion was brewed.” he states. After he was finished explaining, Draco lazily flips to the page in his advanced potions book and began cutting the ginseng root into seven equal pieces, grinding the preficus wing into a fine powder, and mincing the calyfairvor. His partner, Blaise, was doing his tasks on the other end of the cauldron of boiling water. The blonde noticed, out of the corner of his eye, Blaise dropping pounded phealis crumbs before he could stop it from happening. The potion started bubbling, making ‘goop’ sounds. Blaise and Draco started pacing back, backing into the next table behind them. A large bubble of the murky green substance grew and popped, splattering in Draco’s direction. “Blaise! You so owe me!” Draco wiped the substance with his hands as his partner chuckled. Sparkles of light started shining around the blondes fingers and enveloped his whole body, stopping everyone’s laughter. Draco started to shrink, a terrified look on his face. His last reaction until he totally transformed was to look across the room on the Gryffindors side, straight into the green irises that watched in horror. The room went silent as the place where Draco Malfoy once stood was replaced with a white cobra snake. It lifted it’s little head and looked around the class at the amused/scared faces. It appeared to open its mouth to speak but it only came out in a hiss. “What are you all looking at?” Harry heard it say. The brunette stood and walked over to the dazed snake and started speaking in parseltongue. “Don’t freak out…” He said, apparating a mirror and showing off Draco’s new form. The new Draco sat there for a minute, staring at his reflection, not saying a word. Afterwards, he slithered over to his partner and started wrapping his body around their neck, choking them. Blaise let out a few strangled laughs before saying ‘worth it’ through his blocked air pipes. “Mister Malfoy, enough.” The professor stuttered while braking out of his surprizes daze. Draco, reluctantly, un wrapped himself and slithered onto the desk. “How do we reverse this?” he hissed at Slughorn. “He’s asking how to turn him back.” Harry acted as a translator. “Well, uh, there is one way I know. But it’s ridiculous. It may not work.” the professor nervously chuckled. Another series of hisses broke out from the cobra, and Harry coughed to stop him after he long made his point. “He asked to just say it anyway.” Harry chuckled, though he left out the rude parts. “Ah, yes. Well. The mishap can be undone by… a kiss from your chosen love.” Slughorn mutters loud enough with a deep sigh. “But surely something as ridiculous at that cannot work.” he added. “Is there some other way, professor? Malfoy is unable to love.” Ron mocks from his corner. “I do love someone, you insufferable prat.” Draco rolled his beady, little, blue eyes. Harry’s mouth gaped as he was the only one who could understand. Laughter broke out from behind Blaise and Draco’s worktable. Pansy Parkinson was brimming with her giggles. “Go on, Dray. Kiss whom you most dearly love.” she laughed even more when Draco pulled out his pure white hood and hissed venomously. She wiped a tear from her eyes and calmed down, smiling at the cobra. “I dare you.” She notes, and they stare at each other for a moment. “Potter, I need you to take me to someone.” Draco looks back to the emerald eyed Gryffindor. Harry nodded and picked Draco up, holding him close to his chest as to not drop him if they ran into someone, and left the classroom. After a bit of walking, the cobra tells Harry to stop. “Go into that alcove right there.” The Gryffindor was confused, but complied nonetheless. “I swear, Malfoy, if you bite me and leave me here to die, I will be so upset.” Harry closes the curtain. “I need you to kiss me.” Draco suddenly blurts out, leaving a following silence. “What?” Harry gulped, unable to hide his quickly spreading blush. “The professor said a kiss from your chosen love, correct? I’m sure you could fill it in from there. You’re not as dumb as you make yourself out to be.” Draco snaps back, avoiding eye contact… I think. Harry’s brain seemed to stop thinking at that moment. The only thing it pointed to was ‘do it’. He hadn’t an idea why. Maybe just to turn Draco back and get done with it. “Okay.” He said before he could convince himself otherwise. The little snakes head looked back at him (and as far as snake facial expressions could go) he could really hide his shock and confusion. “You better not be joking around cause then you just waisted both of our time.” Harry sighed, leaning over and placing a small peck to draco’s scaly lips. It wasn’t long until he felt his hands cupping soft cheeks and he was being smothered in affection. The kiss didn’t last long. Maybe a minute or two of slow, gentle movements. They separated, partially, still standing an inch away from each other. Draco felt Harry’s breath and could smell his woodley aftershave. “Thank you for changing me back.” he stepped back, feeling an emptiness when he didn’t get a response. Harry hated him. As Draco tried walking out of the curtains, a firm hand stopped him, holding his upper arm. “Draco, I-” Harry stared, but bit his lip when the blonde looked back in his adorable confusion. “Astronomy tower. Tonight. Uh, be there.” he blushed, quickly getting flustered by his vague instructions. Draco stepped back into the alcove, a small smile gracing his, usually stubborn features. “See you there, Harry.” He leaned forward slowly and placed another chaste kiss on Harry’s lips. The brunette’s hands found themselves to Draco’s chest, resting on his slim figure, fingers running over his silk robes.

Lemme tell you. These two? Same person reincarnate. Same sarcasm, same balls of energy, need for speed, outcasted for their differences.

Can’t tell me no.

And of course Tom Taylor is blocking every gay person on Twitter and crying about how he’s receiving “death threats” by them, just like he blocked every disabled person on Twitter who talked about the ableism in his writing while crying about how he’s receiving “death threats” by them and just like how he blocked every Palestinian/Arab on Twitter who pointed out the Zionism in his writing while crying about how he’s receiving “death threats” by them.

If this keeps up he will only have his mother and 4 crazy stans on his timeline.

❝ i gotta run! ❞