Inaccurate Batfam Quotes #12

Heyy!! You got any.. headcanons for the batfam..? Gives us all your ideas!

oh there’s too many.

jason played little league baseball

dick legally has to be the shortest and the youngest of the fab five bc he was baby when he was a baby

damian has a pet hamster named hercules that colin and maps helped him sneak into the manor because of a one-off joke from jason about putting tim in a human-sized hamster ball to protect him from covid

Ace the Bathound was originally just Jason’s service dog he got to help deal with his pstd as a kid pre-death and now he’s usually 90% of the reason Jason comes home as often as he does

the family finds out Jason and Roy are dating bc Dick was babysitting Lian this one time and she blabbed to him about it

As a kid, Dick literally would not shut up about elephants. Like they are his favorite animal you can’t change my mind. One time when he was a teenager he was on a mission with the fab five in Africa and they saw some elephants and Dick almost cried

Jason and Dick watched Psych like, religiously back in the day

Jason got Damian into Pokémon by accident and it was his biggest mistake

Jason still doesn’t know that Clark’s the reason Bruce didn’t kill the Joker after he died and everyone is too scared to tell him. They’re also too scared to tell him that Dick DID kill the joker

inaccurate Batfam quotes #7

Batman: phone rings "Hello?"

Tim: "DadJasonjustshottheguninthehouseandnoweverythingisinabsoluteanarchypleasecomesaveme" dodges vase "oh my god, DAMIAN! GO PUT THE TIGER BACK!"

Justice Legue: ...

Batman: "Wait, slow down. Jason did what? Damian has a Tiger?"

Tim: "Do you really need to ASK? THERE'S A TIGER IN THE HOUSE, BRUCE!"

Batman: "I'll be home soon. Is everyone okay?"

Tim: "My mental stability isn't but I think their fine-" BANG "Nevermind, Damian's been shot."

Batman: "Where is Alfred?"

Tim: "Silently watching us in the corner of the room." pause of silence "OH GOD, THERE'S A FIRE! I gotta go."

click

Batman: Emergency. I have to leave.

Superman, that heard everything with Super-hearing: ... Right. So-

Bart Allen

Bart: People think I’m the dumb bitch friend.

Bart: The absolute idiot friend

Bart: People see me in the library and go “I didn’t know you could read”

L I S T E N

Tim 500% calls coffee "Anti-Murder Juice" and with every cup is another dodged attempt at everyone around him ending up in some type of harm. Depends on his mood.

If he's really pissed, broken sOmetHing.

If he's a controlled level of pissed, bruises. Don't get in his way.

If he's paranoid, probably some accidental bruise infliction.

If he's annoyed, he'll kill you emotionally.

Those cups of coffee saved lives.

THIS

I've been thinking a lot about Jaybart lately, even wrote half of two one-shots that I might post soon, since I'm bored, and have nothing to do, here are some hcs of them that I have and intend to work on some future fanfics:

Sometimes, while the other is sleeping, they lie awake counting the other's breathing just to make sure they are alive. Neither of them knows about it. Bart does this more often, but Jason spends more time awake counting his breaths.

Jason cooks and Bart cleans. Bart can't cook to save his life, but he makes decent coffee.

Bart has freckles all over his body and Jason often compares them to stars, when they are alone he tries to kiss each of his freckles.

Bart's love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, so Jason has always one arm around his shoulders or waist, sometimes he lays his head on Bart's shoulder and when no one is looking he leaves a kiss on his neck or whispers in his ear 'I love you'

Jason's love language is quality time and acts of service. Bart always tries to find a way to go to Jason's apartment and spend some time with him, they talk, watch movies and sometimes just enjoy each other's company. 'I love you' for Jason is not in words, but it is in the little things. In the coffees that Bart makes for him, in the early hours of waking up together, in the silence while Jason cooks and Bart helps him chopping the vegetables.

Bart made (read: forced) Jason to watch all the Star Wars films

Whenever the two watch a film/series, Bart develops a crush on one of the actors and talks about it for weeks and Jason just agrees that most of them are actually hot

Most people don't know that they date. Bart always says he has a boyfriend, but never says his name instead he describes his boyfriend as 'a literature student who loves cooking and Jane Austen and Virginia Woolf books' and he always has fun seeing people's reactions when Jason appears and kisses him.

Roy can't stand being in the same room as them, he always says that they look at each other with puppy ​​eyes or like they're ready to fuck right there

Sometimes Bart wears skirts and dresses, Jason thinks he looks really beautiful wearing it.

Tim was the first to know they were together, he accidentally walked into the kitchen and saw them kissing (his reaction was similar to Ross's in friends but with less screams)

On their first Valentine's Day together, the two forgot it was Valentine's Day and spent the day watching horror movies and eating pizza.

Bart always listens to Tim and Jason's complaints about each other and finds it funny how the two always end up saying "How is he your best friend/boyfriend?”

Bart always pulls Jason's blanket over while sleeps.

Tim constantly walks over while they are almost having sex, most of the time he screams 'my eyes!' and Jason finds something to throw at him.

They are not a clingy couple, no pet names, no matching accessories, not so many pda, except for a few kisses, and a hand on the other's shoulder or waist, and they barely talk about the relationship with others, the reasons many people don't know they are dating is precisely this. They are very private, and none of them are afraid to provoke, disagree or upset the other.

Oh, absolutely! He hacks big corporates and crashes their markets, especially for strikes. He trolls billionaires on twitter (Especially Lex Luthor). Bart Allen + the internet = savage content and roasts that hit where it hurts

i think bart is an internet hater. address exposer. ip leaker. kys sayer. righteous superboy defender.

Bart: Is that blood?

Tim: Where?

Bart: In your mouth

Tim: There's a cup of kimchin 30 centimeters from my mouth

Bart: Yes

Tim: What is the chance that blood is what I have in my mouth?

Bart: 1%?

Tim: 1%?

Bart: 1%

Tim: Less than 1%

Bart: 0.9%?

Tim: I think less

Bart: 0.3%?

Tim: Yeah, I think this is it

Bart: So, is that blood?

Tim: If there is a 0.3% chance of being blood what I have in my mouth, and a 99.7% chance of being kimchi what I have in my mouth, why do you ask me if it is blood what I have in the mouth?

Bart: Because there is a 0.3% chance of blood being what you have in your mouth!

Tim: Are you going to bet on a 0.3% chance ?!

Bart: I'm going!

Tim: Why ?!

Bart: Because I want to bet on a 0.3% chance!

Tim: Well, you're right

Bart: Am I?

Tim: I was eating kimchi and I bit my lip, satisfied?

Bart: So this is blood?

Tim: This is blood

Bart: So I did well to ask if it was blood!

Tim: Normally, you would be wrong

Bart: But this time I am correct

Tim: But it usually doesn't

Bart: But this time yes

Tim: By sheer luck

Bart: Admit I'm right!

Tim: FOR PURE LUCK

Bart: ADmit that I'm right!

Tim: Where is this conversation going to take?

Bart: I have no idea, I just wanted to know if it was blood!

Tim: That's blood!

Bart: Great!

Tim: It's not great, but I understand that you said "great" to finish the thought

Bart: Do you want a band-aid?

Tim: I want to!

Bart: I'll get it!

Tim: Thank you

Bart: What a useless conversation!

No 🤍

Bart: I’m trying to convince Tim that I’m just a figment of his imagination.

Tim, sleep deprived and emotional: STOOOPP!

Bart: What’s wrong, Timber?

Tim, crying on the ground: BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY TRUE!

Bart: Is it because I represent your inner child that was denied a childhood so you focus that energy on creating someone to bring out the carefree and positive disposition in your life?

Tim, aggressively sobbing:

Nuts! Nuts!

[Young Justice 52]