I Don't Know Why I Just Have The Urge To Avoid And Ignore Everyone And Shut Down.

guess I'm going to fucking prom.

came back just to leave again

it's a never ending cycle

and I really couldn't care.

high on anxiety my thoughts make no sense and too many too fast wanna find a way to get a gun and shoot myself or I'll just try od-ing when I get home

i hate this I hate this I hate this

I need someone to just talk anything and random nonsense to or I feel like I'll explode maybe im just overwhelmed but I'm also really pissed today

fuck people I hate them I hate them all

i don't know what I wanna do I don't know what to do I wanna just spill blood or random thoughts

it's fine, i cant just expect people's attention 24/7. (I expect attention 24/7 while not having the energy to give it back)

great im sick.

and it wasn't just a slow build. its like I got hit by a fucking semi today and immediately I'm sick with a ruined throat.

How are you supposed to just get up and go to school and go to work and come home and make dinner and fold the laundry and not want to kill yourself the whole fucking time.

is it bad I want someone to do bad things with. to cut with. get high or drunk with. go around at night with. do teenage things with. but no, cant and couldn't have that.

what an unlovable thing i’ve become.

why do I barely bleed. I hit deep styros again (wouldn't say baby beans even though I think I saw a few)

and it's barely bleeding or dripping. why does this happens with all my cuts.