I Relate To Hannah Horvath TOO Much And Probably Lena Dunham In General. I’ve Been Reading Her Memoir

watching coming of age movies to reinstall my love for living

I’m obsessed with Rachel True in Nowhere (1997). I can’t tell if I want to be her or be with her .. AAAHH fuck it I’m rewatching it tonight!!!!!

this is what they texted me:

“You just are always so worried about so many things pertaining to talking to me & idk why you’re stressing yourself out so much”

for the last week i’ve been rereading it and like trying to understand how they know me more than my friends.

i want to be friends with more dykes. i feel like every couple ive met in this city are sapphic, strawberry picking, mitski listening lesbians, and while i love they life theyve carved for themselves, that is just not me.

i want to be friends with dykes that are having disgustingly kinky sex with one another, dykes that always have their hands dirty, dykes that want to slam shots with me at 6pm on a thursday.

i want to be friends with zine making dykes, drag things, dykes that start fights with men creeping on their friends dykes that dance ontop of the bar and dykes that you can hear getting each other off while you wait in line for their bathroom stall.

i want to play pool and darts surrounded by dykes who have lives revolving around living in the moment, i want to be around dykes who have complex genders and dont care about the norms, i dont want to go to sapphic pottery night, i dont want to pick wildflowers, i want to get dirty and i want to be around people who get me.

I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive I want to be loved more than I want to be alive

i dream of my lesbian wedding often, i want it to be quiet and secret— just for us and the few people we like well enough to invite. butchfemme wedding can live in my mind for as long as it likes, because i’m not evicting it.

thinking about how i never truly felt like myself or experienced desire until i truly learned what butch and femme meant, it opened up a whole world to me that i had seen but never known, i hold so much gratitude for older butch and femmes but also for the butches, studs, stemmes, and femmes i’ve seen now, who are actively educating younger folks like myself, im so grateful to be able to learn about these identities and realize that, i too, belong

i love being a little freak on tumblr nobody can stop me