Ighostmyself - Sem Título

how to train your mercenary

guys.

Tony’s a guest judge on the latest season on Masterchef meant for those in the 18-21 year old category. He’s not sure why the fuck he’s there when he can’t differentiate shit in the kitchen, but he’s definitely there to bump up the ratings.

He’s supposed to be giving insightful comments, maybe give a pep talk or two, comfort a candidate during a meltdown, but goes absolutely speechless when the first person to present his dish is 18 year old Peter Parker from Queens.

“Tony.” Rhodey hisses from the side. “Tony.”

“Absolutely brilliant. Five stars. You know what? Make it ten. It’s fantastic. Cooked just right.”

Beside Tony, Rhodey’s trying not to cuss up a storm, “You haven’t even tasted it, man!”

Tony accepts the fork that’s handed to him, his gaze still fixed on pink-cheeked smiley Peter. Stabs his fork through a piece of chorizo and pops it into his mouth.

“…comments, Tony?” The host prompts him, somewhat nervously.

“Nothing. He’s perfect.”

“I meant…the food. Your comments on the food.”

Peter’s trying to maintain his composure, but it’s obvious he finds the whole situation hilarious.

“Look, I’m not even qualified to judge a cooking competition, but what do you feel about being my personal chef?”

The person behind the camera is yelling “Cut!” and Pepper is in him in a heartbeat, her stiletto heels clacking ominously against the floor.

“Tony-“

“Seriously.” Tony sets the fork down. “You should see my kitchen. It’s state of the art. Pepper.” He turns to his personal assistant. “Tell him how fantastic my kitchen is.”

“Um.” Peter glances uncertainly towards the side where the producers are in the midst of a heated discussion whether that little segment should be left in for airing. “…that’s nice?”

Pepper smiles apologetically at Peter, “I’m sorry. Really.”

“It’s fine. Not everyone can say that they’ve been on Masterchef and got flirted with by the Tony Stark. But seriously, how’s the food? I did spend an hour trying to perfect this.”

“Honestly, kid. I’m gonna maybe need a personal demonstration of how you cooked this dish. You know-“ Tony gestures uselessly with his hands. “-for evaluation purposes.”

“Uh huh. Of course.”

Obviously, it’s a competition and Tony can’t be having favorites, but it’s obvious who he’s rooting for. The episode airs with that little clip of Tony flirting kept in, and the ratings go insane. A couple of episodes later, Peter announces that he’s withdrawing from the competition because of a much better offer and Tony officially interrupts the live episode with a,

“Yes, as my boyfriend.”

Peter wakes up in the middle of the night to an empty bed

When he goes to investigate he finds Tony in their baby’s room. Sitting in the rocking chair with their baby in his arm whispering about how much he loves their little family

Peter still remembers the nights he woke up to an empty bed and found Tony staring at a bootle of whiskey

i don't believe i ever posted this on here,,,, this was before LoF was even a concept and it was still just an au between me and alighterwood,,,, baby boy,,,,

Fandom terms have to sound silly, like blorbo or squick, because fandom needs humbling. Not a lot. But just every so often you need a good grounding reminder that all of this is literally made up nonsense for fun.

If you take a fictional thing so seriously that silly words genuinely annoy you, you've gone too far and you need to dial it back.