While I Don't Experience Anything I Would Think Of As Species Dysphoria Necessarily, I Do Think About

Other traditions have their symbols on necklaces, and I think that's what my butterfly choker is akin to

Icon update! I wanted an icon that reflects how I've become much more comfortable in my identity 💖

With an edit where the hair more closely resembles my own:

Why is it so much more painful this time? I can barely look myself in the mirror, the disconnect is so great; the short term memory gaps seem to be less often but that's also been a new manifestation. There were definitely times in the past where I'd been jarred by the face I see in the reflection but it's never been quite like this.

Two years of us..

You may have been with me for longer, but the choice to take your name marks a crucial moment in our history. Ultimately, it was a choice.

An act of love. To want to be associated with you, to want to acknowledge you, to welcome you into my life, even when I hadn't fully realized that was what I had been doing. Shaping my perceptions of the world with your own thoughts, feelings, and memories.. it was something that was ultimately necessary to my own growth.

The literal, fragmented nature of you means I was always experiencing myself. Aspects of myself I had distanced myself from, and yet there you were, reconnecting me to myself. Drawing my soul back to me.

Your joy, your pride, your guilt, your shame, all of it meaningful to me. All of it serving a purpose. Every action was another piece of the puzzle, and I finally feel able to step back far enough to see the entire picture.

I see us. I see us, and what I no longer see is the shame I had felt in the way we coexist. You will always be with me, regardless of our integration. The experiences we have had and continue to have are cherished; it feels as though a second soul exists alongside my own, and it is something I treasure deeply.

I love you. I love us. I love how you've carried me this far and shown me things about myself I would never have understood otherwise. I love how your view of the world has colored my own. I love how I feel I was able to give you new experiences, demonstrating the good of the world to not only yourself, but to myself as well.

Life has been cruel to both of us, but it has also been kind, unbelievably kind. I am grateful to have given you a second chance, and I am grateful that you were able to assist me with my own. Hand in hand, we stood against the very forces that tore us down, and we emerged victorious, united in the beauty of the world.

Two years of evolution. Great pride in a heavy amount of effort, of work, of constant effort.

And the results have been nothing short of miraculous.

I love you.

Thank you for two years.

🦋

Hello all. You may call me Shai; I am 25, transmasc, and aromantic and asexual.

While this blog was initially dedicated to my experience as fictionkin, and still is at the very core, this blog is a space for discussions of general spirituality and self care, as well as occasional insect imagery. I may feature my own art as well. Some other information that may be useful:

✨️ My experience of kin is tied with my experience of my kintype as a dissociative fragment. While it isn't something that I discuss frequently as my mental health has improved immensely and he is quiet for the most part as a result, he does still surface time and time again, and I would like a space to openly discuss it.

✨️ Two fictives use this blog - Sha.ia.pouf from Hun.ter x H.unter and someone preferring to remained unidentified for now.

✨️ Chronically ill - I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and have, interestingly enough, used it to connect with my kintype. This condition is genetic and affects me daily and will be a topic of discussion for here as well.

✨️ This is a sideblog - my main blog you will see interactions from is @/au.tistic-sha.iapouf

In spite of the long gaps of silence that may occur here, I am online quite frequently and am always open to discussion or conversation; in spite of the formality, I swear I'm friendly 💖

General tags:

🌟 -> Host speaking

Tags used here by Pouf:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> Talk tag

🔮 -> Directly related to spirituality

👑 -> Interior architecture for royal buildings

❤️ -> Lovecore imagery

🐜 -> Insect imagery

💭 -> Posts that strike a certain chord with my past, current and distant

Tags used by [XXX]:

⚙️.txt -> Talk tag

Stroke of the pen -> Poetry and philosophy

[Seeking artwork tag]

The stars are calling.

I want to answer, but I don't remember how.

I don't know if I ever knew.

Far out of my reach;

I am permanently grounded.

I can do nothing but watch.

They're reflected in my eyes,

In my tears,

An answer locked away.

I've been considering making two actually, I have one already that I periodically update, but I'm considering arranging some music for another that doesn't fling me so violently into such a headspace. The songs won't be as "fitting" for my emotions, but I'd like some I can hear that feel more comforting than validating (though having that as the main aspect is still the most important part).

Do people still make and post kin playlists, is that still something people do

The line being blurred

We all know that one line between humanity and our kintypes, but sometimes it's just non-existent. I am my kintype AND my human self at once but I'm currently not either one, you know what I mean? Like I'm not in a shift, but I'm also not out of a shift? This is definitely relevant with my void kintype, where I'm sorta just partly the void, and partly human. Like I still have those feelings of the void, the relations with the void, but I also have every other feeling, emotion, and sense of a human. Another example is even with my normal, snow leopard theriotype, I just sometimes get animalistic but still am clearly human in both my mind and to everyone else. By animalistic I mean so much more instinctive and have more of the senses of my kintype. These can count as shifts, I just think to me they're slightly different experiences because I experience more extreme, actual shifts.