Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait Hold On Hang On Hold Your Horses Hold Your Boar Hold Your Stupid Fucking Deer.

I’m crying into my soup

No but like, this is the thing about Sam carrying Frodo and the ring up the mountain. It's a cool scene in the movie, but they don't explain what's happening at all. The ring at this point is so heavy Frodo can't even lift his head. It's like essentially a cinder-block he has to carry around his neck. And finally he gives up and Sam offers to carry him and:

DO YOU GUYS GET IT? THE RING IS A BURDEN, BUT FRODO ISN'T. FRODO DOESN'T WEIGH ANYTHING TO SAM. SAM CAN LIFT HIM EASILY!!!! HE'S NOT A BURDEN AT ALL I —

The shire is warm for most of ther year and when it’s cold is doesn’t drop far below seven degrees

Erebor is fucking cold. Temps drop to around minus fifteen.

Bilbo is not build for these conditions and nearly gets frost bite in the tips of his ears and his toes and Thorin panics and makes him little fur lined leather boots that are soft and flexible but still provide enough warmth to stop his toes falling off.

Bilbo also has to wear a hat and ties his hair back as it grows so he doesn’t realize how much his hair has grown by spring and when he takes the hat off Thorin is gawking

The concept of transfem/transmasc solidarity implies the existence of inter trans warfare and I don’t know about you lot but I’m not fighting an army of 6’0 10/10s unless they have pointy ears.

The Witch King's very bad day continues.

Awwwwwwwww

Watched some LOTR. Couple of hobbits(?)

How I think the different races of middle earth deal with mental health:

Tw: mental health, brief mention of suicide, brief mention of alcohol misuse

Please don’t read this if it will negatively effect you in any way.

It’s not that important, nothing i post is ever as important as ur mental health, I’ll see you in the next post :)

Hobbits:

Wouldn’t dare to talk about it for fear of scandal, when someone yeets themselves from the mortal coil everyone else says they drowned fishing or ate a bad mushroom. Really really bad vibes.

Humans and numenoreans:

Trying trying okay? ‘Talk to a friend or family member’, ‘have you tried going for a walk’ ‘make sure you eat lots of healthy colorful vegetables to keep the good humors up’

They don’t know what they’re doing but they definitely know that drinking about it is an answer, perhaps not the correct one, but definitely one of the answers of all time.

Elves:

They love being depressed. Everything is so god damn depressing about elves and they love it.

Seriously, if they could by melancholy flavored ice cream they would *

Dwarves:

(Note: please exclude a Mister Thorin Oakenshield from this description)

Actually generally pretty good about it, they live in the dark a lot of the time and as such don’t get enough sun and know that that is a very real cause of a bad head space, they have a lot of access to minerals and cold weather plants that work well to treat depression and a large enough work force that if you need a few days off to right yourself no one bats an eye.

Ents:

So bad at communicating that they scared the hoes.*

Goblins:

Couldn’t articulate their emotions if they were offered a gold coin the size of a shire door. *

Orcs/Orks:

Will complain to each other openly but lack any empathy to retain what others say to them so it’s just a sea of whinging and whining.

**I will also put a red asterisk next to everything that applies to Thorin because it’s funny and I’m mean **

Bilbo: *staring hard between Thorin and Kili*

Bilbo: *realizing they have the exact same number of brain cells* oh no.. He’s stupid

Thorin: what?

Bilbo: What??

They would be horrible

modern legolas and gimli would be yelling shit that would borderline get them imprisoned in the call of duty lobby and like eat worms on bets

I’d turn the other cheek but I’ve already used three and I’m saving the fourth for a special occasion

This is the cutest shit I have ever seen.

I have no love of elves but I will forever make an exception for that absolute goofball

The three of them give me so much camping vibe, and my head canon is to imagine Gimli and Aragorn trying to explain games to Legolas, but he is the worst at it.