Update On The Sushi Situation From Last Night, I Did End Up Eating It And Something Else Which I Deeply

Currently have consumed roughly 400 cals today and my god are the binge urges killing me, I’ve also only took 10,000 steps so I am not in a negative net sadly.

Gonna take like 10+ lax then try and just go to sleep early, hopefully tomorrow will be a much more productive day !!

Why the fuck didn’t I just go to sleep I had a mini binge on fucking noodles and mini Easter eggs now I’m at roughly 800 cals for the day and I just want more

So I just got back from my friends 3 day birthday trip which ended up turning into a 3 day long binge episode.

3 days of eating 3,000/5,000+ calories a day, food noise making it impossible to do anything or feel any sense of enjoyment, comparing myself and how much I ate to my skinny friend which made me so fucking depressed because she barely ate anything, shamefully gorging myself on food in the bathrooms, being in excruciating pain and discomfort from being so bloated, and having no way of relieving myself of it due to not bringing laxatives and being unable to purge.

This feels like a nightmare, and now I’m home it’s gotten worse, I can’t stop and I’m hanging out with my other friends tomorrow where we have a whole Easter dinner planned. We are probably going to go swimming but I’m so fat anf bloated the thought of taking my clothes off or revealing even an inch of myself makes me want to die. I don’t know what to do, I just want to die. I hate myself so much, I’ve never felt so ashamed, disappointed and insecure in my life.

That being said I just took 8 laxatives and am probably gonna take another 10 or 12 in a couple hours, walking feels useless and honestly painful but once the laxatives start working I might try and exercise for a couple hours.

My tight pants feel a little looser than the last time I wore them, even though my fatass binged last night and now I’m all bloated.

Out of 53kg jail barely, although I’m happy I’ve atleast lost a little weight I’ve been losing so slowly and I’m constantly disappointed and scared that I won’t lose enough weight by my deadline. I need a tapeworm to eat away half of my body weight or something.

I’m actually losing my mind somebody sedate me

GUYS IVE MADE IT INTO 51KG TERRITORY IM ONLY LESS THAN HALF A KILO FROM BEING UNDERWEIGHT (I’m still considering myself 170cm until I get it properly checked at the doctors) !!

I’ve gotta be so careful at the sleepover tonight though, I’m not gonna restrict as much I don’t think because the last time I did they clocked that shit immediately but I’m gonna try stay under my BMR and then when I get back I’m gonna fast.

Wish me luck y’all !!

I see nothing but fat when I look at the mirror

God I want to binge so bad I’m not even hungry but the urges are killing me I forgot how hard the first day restricting after a binge was

Fasted, got nearly 25k steps and completed a workout for the first time in a year and I feel fantastic.

May is going to be my month !! 🫶🫶