“After I Completed The Main Quest Line For The First Time, I Was At Such A Loss And Felt So Empty And

Martin and I had an adventure in a small Ayleid ruin while I was busy not bringing him to Weynon Priory.

bro... that is messed up....

you ever just have regrets

me: *touches apple*

imperial guards:

Sometimes (lots of times) (all the time), I have the urge to do a thing but i dont know what. Or, I feel weird, but can't figure out why or what to do to fix it. ADHD, executive dysfunction, how I feel, and the phase of the moon can all make it really hard for me to think of a solution to the issue -- or even know what the issue IS. And while meds and regular sleep certainly help, for better or for worse my brain just isn't wired for this.

So, I decided to outsource my brain.

I couldn't find an app that did what I wanted or was customizable enough for me to fake it. Therefore I built an analog external brain to do my thinking for me.

First, I bought a small, 100-or-so page notebook. It was about eight bucks at my Local Corporate Book Retailer.

Then, I logicked out all the possibilities I might have trouble braining, and started adding each step to the book -- kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure novel.

Here's an example path, which starts with me knowing what I want, and the analog brain telling me how to get there. I twisted my ankle a couple weeks ago and keep forgetting to do things to make it better, so here's my solution:

[image: Do you know what you want? Yes -> 1, No -> 32. Yes is circled]

Yes, analog brain, I know what I want! Let me flip to page 1.

[Image of Page 1: What do you want to do? Exercise -> 2 is circled. Other options include Read -> 13, Watch something -> 20, Eat ->31, Be creative -> 25, Have an adventure ->26, Clean something ->28, Learn something->29.]

Still know what I want, so I flip to page 2.

[Image page 2: What kind of exercise do you want to do? PT -> 5 is circled. Other options include Weights -> 3, Cardio -> 4, Yoga -> 9, Something quick -> 10, Hiking -> 11, Adventure -> 12]

Skipping some pages now! Since this is meant to bounce me around, it doesn't make sense to try and read it in order. (On the plus side, that makes it super easy to add new options to any part of the tree).

[Image page 5: What kind of PT? Ankle ->6 is circled. Other options include Knee->6a, Neck->7, Shoulders->8.]

(When I first numbered the pages, 6 and 6a werw stuck together, whoooops)

[Image page 6: A list of ankle PT exercises]

Eyyyyy my external brain showed me how to do my flippin' PT so my ankle stops hurting! Yay!

But what about when I don't know wtf is wrong or wtf I want? There's an app analog brain for that! (Yes I'm aware its called a decision tree or process flow or what have you. Let me have this).

[Image: Do you know what you want? No->32 is circled]

No, spacebook, idfk what's wrong, I can't brain today.

[Image page 32: How are you feeling? In pain ->33 is circled. Other options include Overstimulated->37, Understimulated, Panicky->43.]

(As you can see, I have plans to add a page for overstimulated but have not done it yet.)

Oh yeah my ankle kinda hurts, maybe I can do something about that...

[Image of page 33: What kind of pain? Knee/ankle/neck/etc ->35 is circled. Other options include Menstrual nonsense->34, Head->38.]

[Image of page 35: Joint/old injury pain: Take advil, Ice or heat, Massage, Foam roll, Warm bath, PT exercises. Under the last option are subsets Ankle->6 (circled), Neck->6a, Knees->7.]

...Aaaand now I'm back around to my list of ankle PT exercises! And I didnt have to think at all!

Anyway -- all it takes to make something like this for yourself is a notebook and some time to think the logic through. You can start by making lists (not in the notebook) of questions you have trouble braining in the moment, and what some solutions are. Then number your pages, and get started!

this game.... it was before its time...

i was trying to fight a scamp in castle kvatch but i tripped over something that turned out to be martin. then i tried firing flames at the scamp, but martin chose that moment to regain consciousness, took a fireball to the face, and collapsed again. the battle for kvatch was fun

I wish more people knew how affected our emotions and emotional responses are by ADHD. Everyone will experience their ADHD differently, so feel free to cross out what applies to you! I’ve only recently started externalizing emotions again and..it’s crazy how much energy I put into holding it all back - without great success. Here’s my patreon! (is this a smooth topic change?)

silvaze! love this ship! hope you like the art! <3

oops my hand slipped and made a whole one shot about this that somehow got angsty

Hawkmoth smacked his cane down in anger, as he watched his son call Marinette just a friend once more. He whacked his face with his hand, sighing at Adrien's obliviousness. He pitied the poor girl as her face put on a fake smile, when she was clearly heart broken because he couldn't see she loved him. There was nothing he could do, sadly, for he didn't want to akumatize her, since she would go after Adrien, therefore endangering him. So, he rubbed his chin while he was lost in thought. Then the idea hit him. If his ship wouldn't work in the real world, why not the fiction world?

“Nooroo, dark wings fall!” he shouted, his suit disappearing to be replaced with his civilian attire. He seemed eager for an odd reason, which made Nooroo tilt his head to the right slightly in confusion.

“Master, why are you so excited?” he asked innocently, his small, frail voice breaking the silence in the room. Gabriel looked at Nooroo, a smirk on his lips. The kwami felt uneasy, worrying for his owner's sanity.

“I am going to write fanfiction!” he declared loudly, making Nooroo jump at the booming noise. Gabriel walked to the elevator, as his kwami flew to his side as they ascended. Natalie was there, a tablet in her hand.

“Natalie, when Adrien gets home, tell him to come to my office,” he says dismissively, and heads to his office. He settles himself into his seat, and cracked his fingers in preparation for the typing that was about to ensue.

‘Adrien walked into the classroom, his eyes immediately darting to Marinette,’ was the first sentence he wrote. The rush he felt was invigorating. This was his world. Anything could happen. He chuckled evilily, continuing the writing. The clicking of the keys as his fingers swiftly tapped them, forming his wonderful story.

Adrien poked his head through the doorway cautiously. He was afraid he had stepped in at the wrong time, for he looked so busy as he clattered away. His suspicions were proven wrong, when his father had spoken.

“Adrien! My son!” he said, a strange energetic beat in his usually cold tone. Adrien raised an eyebrow, his green eyes studying him carefully. He looked a lot more happy and upbeat. “Come have a seat,” he invited, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk.

“What did you need, father?” he was fiddling with his ring anxiously. Had he done something wrong? No, because he wouldn't be so.. weird if he had.

“I need you to stop calling Marinette ‘just a friend!’ It's ruining my ship!” he cried out, slamming his fist on the desk in a sudden burst of rage. Adrien was wondering if his father was okay. How did he know he called Marinette that? What was a ship?

“Father, what do you mean?” He was genuinely scared for his father's mental state. He knew he was messed up after his mother left, but not this bad! Was he going insane? Gabriel just folded his hands together cynically.

“I mean that you should realize you love her, and she loves you! So my shop can be canon!” he explained, and Adrien looked at Natalie, who was standing by the door, for help. Natalie simply shrugged. He was blushing furiously, his skin turning red. This caused Gabriel to smirk at him, mischief dancing in his eyes. Natalie was just a bystander. Who was trying not to yell at her boss for not seeing she loved him. Like father, like son.

“M..Marinette's just a f..friend!” he stammered nervously, squirming under his burning gaze. Then he placed his face into his hands, while holding back screams.

“Haha.. There's that famous line!” he laughed hysterically. Adrien wanted to get out of here. He felt Plagg pinch him. Plagg was with Gabriel. His chosen was so blind, just like everyone else. But this man was an exception. He knew how painful it was to watch them, all the awkwardness, flirting, and just plain idiocy. Until he realized, how did he know? Oh well, he was just glad someone agreed with him. He had to stop himself from phasing through his jacket and start ranting along with him.

“Son, you love her,” he got up out of his seat and wandered to Adrien's side. He placed his hands on his shoulders. “You have to see it!” he yelled, shaking him. “Please! I need Adrienette to be canon!”

“Um.. haha.. oh, beep beep! My miracu- I mean phone is ringing someone must be calling me!” he said flustered, as he ran out of the room. His father noticed the slip up, and the realization dawned on him. HE WAS CAT NOIR!!!! This made it all the more complicated. He loved Ladybug! But, this means Ladrien and Marichat and Ladynoir!! He squealed in delight, and started dancing in his office. Natalie could barely believe she loved this man.

“Sir, please calm down!” she received a crazed look from Gabriel as he ran out the room. She sighed, and pushed her glasses up.

“ADRIENETTE! LADRIEN! MARICHAT! LADYNOIR!” he shouted, then saw the flaw in his chanting. He didn't know who Ladybug was! Marinette and Ladybug were competing! He couldn't have that! So he decided to set out to reveal her identity.

He was standing in his hideout once more, as he was watching his akuma do its work. It was harmless, to avoid hurting Cat Noir, but it was agile and could get the miraculouses or reveal Ladybug's identity! Then the akuma threw Cat Noir far away. (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN I CLEARLY STATED NOT TO HURT HIM) The akuma also managed to grab one her earrings. Her transformation was fading, the pink light appearing as her suit dissipated. He caught a glimpse of her face without the mask, and gasped dramatically. It was Marinette! Yes! Now all his ships were canon!! He was jumping around in joy. He didn't care about the miraculous anymore. He made him drop it and revoked the akuma. Now that his ship was canon, he had decided to quit evil, for the sake of his son and his future daughter in law.

Ladybug was panicking as she lost one earring, but she got a grip on herself, and swung the yo-yo at the akuma. She was able to stop it before it hit them, because they were already de evilized. She was dazed, after losing one part of the miraculous and now the akuma was gone. She didn't even see Cat Noir come up.

“Oh my goodness.. Marinette?!” he screamed, for he had accidentally seen her face. THE GIRL HE LOVED WAS MARINETTE?!?!? She was brought back to reality when he screamed, and she had forgotten to collect the earring. Her blue eyes widened in shock, and she started running around wildly. She just revealed her identity. NOOOO!!

“M’lady..” he breathed, unable to comprehend what happened. She wasn't any better, if not worse. She quickly grabbed the remaining part of her miraculous in order to hide her face again. She also remembered that THE AKUMA VICTIM WAS STILL HERE!! She picked up the guy, and lowered them down to the ground. She was distraught, but she had a job to do.After, she returned to Cat Noir.

“So, yeah, I am Marinette. Surprise?” she admitted, her brave attitude she had as Ladybug now breaking away to show her Marinette. Now that he knew, he could see the similarities. Her sense of justice, her confidence, her kindness. He saw it all.

“I just can't believe, that the girl who say behind me was you..” he said mindlessly. She stiffened and placed her hands on her heads.

“ADRIEN?!?!” she shrieked, and he placed his hand over his mouth at his mistake. She had reverted back to freaking out.

Hawkmoth was proud. He had finally united the two. He left the lair, a happiness he hadn't felt in a long time in his heart. He was happy his son had finally found his love. He looked to Nooroo.

“Nooroo. Thank you for assisting me. But I will no longer need you for I am giving up being a villain,” the kwami was swelling with pride and happiness. Though Gabriel could be terrible to him, they had unconsciously bonded each time he transformed. He flew away into the brooch, and was placed into the box. He looked at the painting of his wife. “I'm sorry, Emilie.. I love you..” he lowered his head. He missed her so much. But he had to focus on the future. He reached inside for the peacock miraculous.

“Son,” he called to Adrien, who was trying to sneak through the door with Marinette. He stopped in his tracks.

“Oh, h..hey father!” he grinned anxiously. He had been caught. His father had a warm smile upon his face. He went to Marinette, and placed the two boxes in her hands. They were unaware of what he was doing, and they exchange a look of questioning.

“I'm sorry, Adrien. I've been a terrible father. But return this to the guardian,” he said, right before giving him a tight hug. Adrien gasped, tears welling in his viridescent eyes. He returned the embrace, holding him. Marinette was nearly crying too. It was great his father had seen his wrongs. But what did he mean return to the guardian? She took a peek of what was inside.

There was the missing miraculouses. The butterfly and the peacock. “H..Hawkmoth?” she choked out. He nodded, guilt contorting his face. Adrien pulled away, and hurt filled his eyes.

“I understand if you hate me. I just wanted your miraculous to bring your mother back,” he turned to walk away, but Adrien grabbed his arm. Gabriel was afraid he would be angry, but he knew that what he had done was irredeemable.

“Father.. I forgive you,” he said, those words taking him surprise. “Me too,” Marinette added. He never thought they would accept it so well. After all, he had massacred the city so many times. Endangered thousands.

“You do?”

“Of course,” he smiled at him, tears flowing down his cheeks. He was just happy to get his father back. He missed the way he was before his mom was gone. He wanted her back. But he had his father and Marinette. And he was perfectly content with them.

“High school. The arena of teenage angst.”

Hawkmoth