Just Because I Smile For You Doesn't Mean That I Wasn't Thinking About Cutting My Wrists Open At The

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You are going to dedicate, yourself to getting your dream body in 2021.

It doesn’t matter whether you get it at the start, mid, end of 2021 but you get it some point in 2021.

Let’s make it happen.....

✨✨✨✨✨ Who’s in???? ✨✨✨✨✨

I HATE MYSELF! I really do.

Today, my mom had just gotten back from work when she decided to take us out. I got worried and tried to come up with a good excuse. Of course it didn't work. We went to Zaxby's and I feel disgusting. I loathe every part of my body. I ate four chicken pieces. FOUR! How disgusting am I. Not only that, but I also ate lots of fries. I wasn't thinking clearly. I am so worthless. I hate everything that I do. I AM SO SORRY FOR EATING. God, please forgive me....

skinny

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

-aeris

Ok, I don't hate EDtok, but i hate their perception of purging???

Like I'm not cute when I'm done vomiting my brains out, thanks, im crying and heaving over the toilet, wiping splatter off my everything, shaky hands and dribbling spit

Shits nasty, not a cute aesthetic lil "put my hair up and pat my lips with a tissue"

"I just want to be okay for a day. I want to wake up and be happy to be alive. I want to enjoy the company of people around me. I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I want to breathe the air freely and enjoy life."

— things people with mental illnesses wish they could do

Okay. Come on, then. I love you, get up, we are going to keep going. Repeat this to yourself in a mirror or in a whisper or in the shower or in a shout. I love you, get up, keep going.

I am tired too. It's okay. We will sleep in the car ride over. We will sleep on each other's shoulders. We will sleep upside down and in the laps of new friends and on the bellies of our lovers and in the hands of better tomorrows. We will sleep and we will wake up rested and we will wake up happy and we will wake up home again.

I love you, get up. It's time to write "maybe next time" on our gravesite. It's time to write: it could not kill me, I would not die. It's time to write a love letter to the sun and our one-act play and the history of our keychains. It is time to write a future where despite everything, we are finally warm and safe.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Get up. Keep going. We are going to be okay.