HEAVYSNIPER?? You Don't Have To Tho ;v;

“Autistic sniper” “autistic engine”’”autistic medic” BIYCH THEYRE ALL AUTISTIC!!!!!

Two pals and the guy they bring along on their trips.

Headcanon that Soldier is trans but he just. Forgot. So whenever he gets his period he goes to beat up Merasmus because he’s convinced it’s a curse.

STOP HERE IF YOU LIKE TF2 LESBIANS

okay so I saw a really kool post by lennylink on Twitter/X ( _lennylink_ ) about Miss Pauling and the Fried Chicken tramp ( girl ), right?

and I just got to say.

it got me thinking.

so!! here are some random things I started thinking about.

( Fried chicken girl will be called Stacy like how it was in the Tweet + be spelt as Stacey bc I have an American brain and that's what its telling me to do. )

First thing, I got to send some love to the og person who made me think of all of this ( I don't know them ) and the way they made Stacey act is so... perfect.

like girl I know there was barely any of her speaking but the thing she did say was perfect.

"Sweetheart"??? STOPP. Miss Pauling has never been called that. EVER.

okay time for the real thing I want to talk about.

how would they date.

more specific how a date would go between them.

ALSO!!! adding ZHANNA because they lesbian power wasn't enough. ( I also just want to write more and make more pain for myself. )

Okay first off, Stacey and Pauling

Me thinks that Stacey would be like "hey you wanna go shopping?" and Pauling is like "oh sure" makes time for her or whatever and thinks shes going to a mall for clothes and is like "okay at least I get to hang out with the prettiest girl I've seen other than my boss" and then they drive there and...

its not actually a mall

they go to a gun store <3

listen, Stacey may not know where Europe is but she certainly knows gun stores with shit her girlfriend likes. probs knows a place where you could engrave stuff in your gun. Most likely from her dad. I think she gets most things from her dad. abit side tracked but she defo learned how to at least shoot a deer from her dad. ( gets her fashion from her mom, DUH. )

anyways Miss Pauling now has a beautiful new gun with Stacey's name on it.

okay lets add Zhanna into the mix.

Pauling and Zhanna

honestly.

i don't know.

im really dumb okay so like

ive been stuck on this for like a day.

im sorry people who really wanted this

Stacey and Zhanna

Remember when I said Stacey's dad thought her how to hunt dear?

Now her stone butch girlfriend is teaching her how to hunt bears.

and Stacey has her first bit of bear flesh.

She fucking loves it.

in tie with those burgers from her childhood that she'll never find again because she was too young to remember the name of the place.

Zhanna may be bored of bear from when she was stuck in Russia but will gladly feed it to her gf.

Now Stacey is full of different bear meat recipes (Zhanna learned it all from her mom [ her mom forced them all to learn ] ) and is craving more.

Please don't judge me if this is bad It's been a damn hot minute since I wrote anything.

I mayyy make a part 2.

YOUR JOKIJNGG{"

me like heavy n sniper interactions... even tho they don't exist so i had to make myself one!!!

this is an idea from 2021 :D please enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

e x t r a s:

draft from 2021 - october 2024

PANEL REDRAW!!!!

Hot To Go by Chappell Roan is THE PyroScout song. Those butches would dance to this in the commons room idk what to tell you

Singing

Mercs if they had modern day cellphones!

Heavy:

The screen is too small and his fingers are too big.

The screen also tends to hurt his eyes after a while but he absolutely refuses to turn down the brightness, saying it would make it even harder to see than before

His main favorite functions are video calls with Medic or his family and listening to music.

His life is complete when he discovers E-books

He can’t read them on the screen but he loves being able to clean Sasha while having his favorite book read to him

Medic:

Really doesn’t use it for much else than phone calls and the occasional google search at first

When he discovers mobile games that takes his interest though!

He becomes a candy crush mom.

Oh you have a broken arm? Wellll…You can tough it out, champ. He’s on level 7,229 right now.

He would make all the other men get Life360

Scout:

Total social media zombie(I say as if I am not one)

Surprisingly he’s very popular on apps like Twitter and Tik Tok. People think he’s hilarious!

Unfortunately somewhere along the way he says something less than respectful about something and his account gets banned

Eventually he’s on account number 6 and trying to regrow his following

It never recovers

He finds out about NFT’s

Sniper:

Mainly uses it to watch youtube and play music

His phone is always on silent and Do Not Disturb

He loves those videos where those guys go out into the middle of the woods and just start building a fucking house out of clay and sticks.

He prefers texting to calling, finding it much faster(he just like me fr)

Baffled by just how much porn he has access to now….

But he’s not complaining.

Soldier:

He doesn’t use it because he just keeps breaking his phones.

They’ve been dropped, blown up, set ablaze, dropped in water, eaten by a bread-tumor monster, eaten by Soldier(???) and run over.

Even if they didn’t get destroyed within 3 days he still wouldn’t use it for much else besides setting alarms and sending confusing group texts.

However, with each new phone he has gotten he asks Pyro for stickers and sticker bombs his phone just for fun

Has an American flag wallpaper

Pyro:

Watches a lot of Youtube!

They love art tutorials, cooking tutorials and those videos with the guys that put molten hot metal balls into water and those videos of people crushing things in Hydraulic presses

Their search history is so fucking strange:

“my little pony free episode”

“my little pony movie free”

“how to draw clouds”

“gasoline cheap prices”

They follow Scout’s pages and always send him nice comments and like his videos

Engineer:

Loves listening to music and watching movies on his phone

Eventually learns how to code and make his own apps

This is also how he discovered he could jailbreak his phone and turn it into a universal remote for his sentries

Very slow texter

Uses way more emoji’s than needed

“Hello yall 👋🏻 going to the hardware store today 🔨let me know if yall need anything while im out👋🏻🚶🏼”

His most used app is the settings app

Spy:

Of course all of his phones are burners.

He never uses one for more than one week

Loves pirating movies on it and watching them in bed

He has no contacts. No personal information and keeps his location off at all times

Likes to pretend to be different people and play around with Google and Youtube’s targeted ads and algorithms

One day he’s an 86 year old woman that’s recommended nothing but metal bands and funeral home ads

The next week he’s four years old and getting recommended Mario and Minecraft let’s play videos

He uses twitter

He’s doxxed many people on Twitter

Like Scout he has MANY banned accounts and has also hacked and stolen many accounts

…He hacked one of Scout’s accounts and got it permanently banned

Demoman:

Loves watching Top 10 videos

Also loves having so much ease and access talking to his lads

He video calls his mother often even she just nags him the whole time and keeps accidentally hanging up

Is frequently texting the other team’s Soldier and laughing at what he says back

Uses Discord and Reddit and is in many servers and communities that focus on paranormal activity, urban legends and cryptids

Actually makes his own youtube videos searching for said cryptids

Frequently comments “cringe” under Scout’s posts

RICK PORTAL 2 BACKSTORY TIME !!! Literally have been sitting on all of this for years and its only ever been told to my two friends 👹 so excited to finally have all of it down.

Nothing graphic, but do be warned that it does deal with very dark topics 💥

Rick grew up DEEP in the rural south in a small little religious town. His family was very poor and had upwards of 5 children. His father was very physically and mentally abusive, and his mother was very neglectful and quiet. He was never close with any of his siblings, and his brothers didn't do much more than add to his problems. 

He started drinking and smoking from about the age of 10, as most boys did in their town. They would all meet up in groups and share goods they stole from their parents and from corner stores.

Through everything, the only real comfort he had was movies--westerns and action flicks. They were too poor to own a TV, so he would sneak into movie theaters and drive-ins. It was a big inspiration for the person he wanted to be when he grew up and served as a good mental escape. He wanted to eventually leave this town and travel the world with nothing but the clothes on his back and a dream.

The only real friend he had through it all was Teddy. Rick was a troubled kid and could be a bit mean due to his upbringing, but Teddy was the one person he was always nice to. Something about him made him soft. They were best friends since they were toddlers and while other people came and went, those two always stuck together and stayed close. 

Somewhere along the way, their relationship ended up becoming romantic. They were so young that the whole thing was confusing, but they knew well enough to keep it a secret from everyone else. Rick knew that something was deeply wrong with it and it always ate up at him inside and made him ashamed, but Teddy didn't have a care in the world. Rick made him happy and that was all that mattered.

Then when Rick turned 16, he decided that he'd had enough with school and church and his parents. He was ready to leave it all behind--but he wasn't going to bring Teddy. Teddy had a sister he was really close with, and more friends than Rick had. He had more to lose and Rick didn't want him uprooting his whole entire life for him. 

So Rick broke things off with Teddy and told him never to tell another soul what had happened between them and to forget the whole thing, forget Rick. Then he jumped onto a boxcar train and left town.

He was homeless for a good bit, but managed to get a small job that gave him enough money to save up for an old, broken down truck that he lived out of. He never stayed in one place too long, hopping around and getting jobs here and there, stealing off of folks in town to get enough for food. 

Rick had a hard, but very adventurous and rewarding few years out on the road, but at the end of it all, he couldn't find anyone even close to Teddy. It wasn't the same without him around and Rick decided that maybe it was worth a shot going back and seeing if somehow Teddy was still in the town they grew up in. 

Rick drove back, now a full grown adult, hoping there was a way that he'd still want to talk to him again. But when he got back to town and asked around, it turned out that Teddy wasn't as great at keeping the secret as he hoped. 

Teddy had tried to flirt with a man at a bar, and he didn't take too kind to it. His friends dragged Teddy outside and beat him to death, where his family found his body a few days later. By the time Rick got back to town, Teddy was long buried in a small marked grave. 

It really fucked with Rick's head. After that, he buried everything that happened between them deeeep deep down and honestly just convinced himself it never happened. They were kids and they didn't know what they were doing. 

After that, Rick went a lot harder on traveling around with the intent of meeting people to have one night stands with in maybe some hopes of further cementing the fact that he only liked women. 

He already had a problem with drinking before, but it got worse and worse as years went on. Most of his money went straight back into drinks. He couldn't keep any sort of job for more than a few days because he was constantly day drinking, showing up wasted. 

It was a great big blur for a lot of years of sleeping with women, getting fucked up on drugs, driving drunk, waking up places he didn't remember. He got into a lot of fights, most of which he started himself (definitely didn't have a weird thing where he liked fighting because it was the only time he got to touch a man.... cus that would be WEIRD ASF 🗣🗣🗣 AND MAKE HIM A FREAK.) All the while he was living out of the same truck he'd gotten at 16 which constantly needed repairs. He hardly had enough money for gas, so he usually had to siphon it from other cars. Times were ROUGH

Then one day, he met a very nice, charming man at a bar. They hit it off right away, spent the whole night talking and drinking and dancing. It felt so nice and familiar in a way that Rick couldn't place, until at one point the man tried to make an advance on him. A deep, primal panic rose inside him and Rick immediately got LIVID, punching the guy right in the face and cussing him out in the middle of the bar, calling him names and slurs before leaving once the bartender told him to.

Rick felt a deep emptiness and strange longing that he hadn't felt since he was a little kid. He thought about it for days--more than anything the fact how much he really, really did want to go home with that man. 

That was when he decided that he couldn't do this anymore. He was getting too old to be living out of his truck. He hadn't had a real home since he was a kid, and that mixed with all of the drugs and high stakes adventures and fights, he was going to drive himself into an early grave. 

It was time that he got an actual job, and an actual home. And maybe that would help distract him from thinking too much about that nice man at the bar. 

After driving around and searching, eventually he ended up at Aperture. Nice easy desk job, impossible to get fired from, and hours and hours of overtime. He luckily ended up landing a cheap apartment because he was able to seduce the owner of the building into a lower rate and flexible payments. 

Rick still had a hard time with showing up to work drunk and slacking off, but at the very least he had a roof over his head.