Dead

Too pretty 🙆💁

The finishing touch on being #GRAMMYs ready? A pop of color, fabulous makeup and a fun, feisty attitude. Good luck, COVERGIRL @katyperry!

Cling to me

It wasn't until today that I realised I need to BACK OFF. So addicted to tiny little big things in life that may be my way of coping with life?! NO GOOD. I have surrounded myself with the most amazing human beings and it's time to let go of the others and the objectives that cling me to some.. ( never wise to keep old things) don't do it!! My boyfriend clearly seems to hate it when I joke around being too clingy.. I say joking.. Muhahaha! Well the weekend is coming which means fortunately for him I'll be gone! Thank god. Need a time out! Always necessary even if you're in the bestest relationship ever. Just a little summary of my day basically. I also have bought a new wifi printer which is soo complicated... I will be basically printing things 24/7 after I figure out how to work it! Okay lovelies! Until then! Xoxo

Yoga

My first ever yoga session completed. I feel no different than before, just exhausted from what I felt like was an hour of lying down and inhaling, exhaling, and of course the random ‘ommm shanti,ommm shanti’ chanting. However, I would still recommend it! Definitely worth a try to see how you feel about it. I did like the way my mind just went blank for a whole hour and I had nothing but shanti on my mind (shanti means peace btw).

Free yourself.

Xoxo

Going through a bad phase..

I've had a very bad couple of months. I found out I failed a module and couldn't graduate along with my friends and had to resit the exam so I'm doing this waiting game of finding out my results.. With that being said, that isn't as bad as being so far away from my love. It's tough. Growing up in a Muslim family from Iraq and being kurdish, I have just realised how much that impacts on my life. My parents are nothing but narrow-minded shallow human beings who are in the way of their daughters happiness. My mother has recently told me she will abandon me as a daughter if I carry on seeing my boyfriend who is Portuguese and not kurdish. Only because it doesn't look good for my family's reputation. I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who is affected by parents and families like this and it is heartbreaking that us girls who grow up in such an environment cannot stand up for ourselves without being shunned and forced into a marriage we are not happy with. Girls like me and around the world need to find each other and support each other for the happiness we believe in. It's hard as it is.. why go through with it on your own? We should be sharing each others experiences and help and support one another without feeling embarrassed or without competing. Kurdish Society has taught nothing but hatred to others if one is better than you. It is absolutely disgraceful and I refuse to be part of a society with such way of thinking. I have a lot to say about this and I shall blog my heart out about this matter until it is recognised and seen by everyone. I will not give up for what I think is right. Xoxo

Don’t be fooled!

There is no need for me to rant about men. Particular someone you grew to love over a year or so yet they fucked up. As usual. I’m not the strongest out there so for me a break up is quite awful but it gets worse. 

Whatever he said during the break up is very nice and all and being gullible is sooo much better than facing the truth. Being naive even better! Its his terms or no terms. It bugs me the most that for 15 months he was the most loving and caring person I knew and fell for so deeply, but speaking to him now makes me doubt myself who I fell for.  A narcissist. Plain and simple. I will never bad mouth him and nor will I regret the time spent together. However, what I do regret is the one week of sleepless nights and puffy eyes in the morning. Not worth it. Surely I am not the only woman who’s said this after a break up and surely I let my emotions run high when writing this blog. 

You see, men don’t care. We know it. They know that we know it. Everybody knows this. Its a delusion which has been carried out for many many years that women should trust men and that men care about women. It just isn't in their nature to care as much as we do. 

I am not writing this blog to talk about the careless men in our lives but to talk about the foolishness of us women. We believe it. We should not therefore blame them. If they can not be trusted which we know very much why do we allow ourselves to fall for them so damn deep to the point of not being able to pick ourselves up. Its just ridiculous and quite frankly, women are pathetic soppy little creatures. 

It hurts so much to think that you’re not good enough, but do not be fooled because you are GOOD. Way too good, maybe even overqualified to be with a man who just doesn’t want to appreciate you. Who doesn’t allow himself to love you because he is nothing but a coward. A coward to face the obstacles that couples will come across in the future. What is love? Its nothing, if you’re not committed to begin with. END IT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. 

xoxo 

The fresh start of a new beginning

There is only that much a girl like me can keep to herself. 19 year old university student with a huge family can sometimes mean ALOT of secrets, backstabbing, tears, happiness and gossip. Entering my 20s soon and starting my second years of study I found a new way to let my inner self speak out! I have no idea how I am going to start sharing everything or where to start.So many things going on in my life (which yes I know is happening in everyone's life not just mine) and I have so little ways to just let loose. Hopefully you guys enjoy my posts and blogs and maybe relate to it a little bit! 

A year in life...

Oh it’s been so very long since I last wrote. I needed time. I needed to experience my first year “out there” so that I could really write. Write about everything and I’ll make sure not to leave anything out. 

A year ago, my last blog, was about my family’s dismissive behaviour towards the love of my life. A year ago, my dad was the only one left in the dark about this because I was looking for the perfect timing. I knew the outcome. I knew it a year ago and at last after a year, I was only proven right. Ultimatum set by him, choose the family he says and leave him. Choose him and leave the family. So which is it going to be? I have thought about it, many many many times only to go around in circles. Why cant I have both? Why is it so easy for my father to give me such an ultimatum and why can he not consider or take into account anyone but himself? Enough with the questions though, perhaps I have the answers, yet deep down I do not want them to be true therefore suppress the truth. Because everyone knows, the truth hurts. So much that at this moment of time I have decided to play along as a happy family because for now, the hurting can temporarily be postponed. And even if it is for a short while, I rather be happy with the family before I make them aware of my decision. 

The decision of my life so to speak. Its all set, I have done so much thinking in between changing jobs and working full time, and welcoming my beautiful niece to this world as well as keeping my parents happy and him happy. I have been flooded with so many emotions that really, I did not even have to even decide myself but life decided for me. And maybe that is the best of ways. I know from here onward I can count on him, fall back on him, love him and be with him. We have chosen each other through all that we’ve had to go through and still have to go through, we have always chosen us. And that is what made this decision so easy ( well i keep referring it to decision, but really its a choice).

So here it is for a shortened version of my year, I promise I will write more and more often again. I nearly forgot how good it feels to just write and lets the words write themselves. 

Have a good summer!

xoxo

Family

Things get out of hand a lot. Some days there are moments where I wish to varnish into the thin walls of our old build house. It is very difficult to communicate with a parents who have no intention of integrating themselves into a newer, fresher generation ( maybe even corrupted). Nobody has it easy, I bet! 

It hurts to see your loved ones in so much pain, when you’re always afraid to say the wrong things. The slightest thing sets fire to a normal, yet controversial topic between my parents and I. Its crazy to think about really. There is no day passing by without one of us getting annoyed at the other. What is there to do? Why can’t we be straight with one another? Life is complicated enough to keep grudges and all sorts of arguments to let happen at home. Home is where the heart is! I will live by this quote forever. I love my family. I would do anything for each one of them! Yet it is never simple to get along. 

I am a family person and always will be. Everybody is deep down. I can only speak for myself of course but people seem to always make out that family is such a bad thing! I don’t know, maybe at the age of 20 I don’t meet kind people enough. I always say that if you can live happily with your family then you will always have a kind heart. Of course this is biased but I have not met anyone who is a spiteful-happy family member! However, when I say family I only mean exclusive family members only aka mother,father and siblings if present! Anything outside of this “golden” circle mean nothing to me. Yes I will call them aunt and uncle and cousin but I do not and will not call them family. 

So, ending this blog on a happy note: I probably had the best day by far since a very long time with my parents! And I would do it over and over again whenever I get the chance to. 

I love you mum,dad& sisters <3 

xoxo

It’s 2:06am and I’m awake with nothing but the thought of you and I. You keep me up at night which is ironic because during the day the thought of you does nothing but make me want to sleep so I can forget about you for a little while.

B.L letters I never sent (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

My days and nights since last week!