HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR MOSS!!!!!!! UR AN OLD MAN NOW!! I Hope U Have A Fantastic Wonderful Day Bc U Deserve

Anakin: I have a plan!

Feemor: No, we're not going to explode anything.

Anakin: I don't have a plan.

Xanatos: Well, I do have one.

Feemor: No, we're not going to kill people.

Xanatos: Man, you have to consider it!

Obi-Wan: *raises his hand*

Feemor: Sure, tell us, dear. We're listening.

Anakin and Xanatos: Injustice!

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

I tried to scroll past this. I really did

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DYING AT OBI-WAN ROASTING THE SITH THE JEDI ONLY USE LIGHTSABERS BECAUSE OF WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT WHO THEY ARE AS A PEOPLE “BUT THE SITH USE THEM AS WELL?” “WELL THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE OBSESSED WITH US.” AND LIKE HE’S NOT WRONG. THE SITH ARE PRETTY OBSESSED WITH THE JEDI AND I’M JUST LOSING IT BECAUSE OBI-WAN CALLING THE SITH A BUNCH OF OBSESSED LOSERS IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE FUNNIEST THING

plot twist in star wars where anakin has his kids during the clone wars- as in, before palpatien can even grasp onto the fact that anakin has a wife

basically everyone notices anakin's entire person do a backflip- mentally. suddenly hes being late, going missing, sometimes he falls asleep on rex's shoulder when they're flying out to an active warzone and then one day he'll completely skip everything and come back the next day looking like he actually slept

now palpatine- being a sith- immediately finds out what happened and now he is pissed off. how is he supposed to get daddy anakin the chosen one to turn dark side now? he has a family!

well, now palpatine uses an even more cunning tactic- he gives anakin dreams of his kids dying. and it explodes into anakin's anxiety and depression skyrocketing, which is basically a one way ticket to the dark side. so he reveals himself to anakin, anakin's confused, but then anakin is smart for once and puts two and two together about the dreams, and leaves. palpatine is like 99 percent sure anakin is going to go dark side but what he poorly underestimated was the fact that the entire 501st knows about anakin's children so as palpatine is about to execute order 66 the entire clone battalion enters the office from every side and beats palpatine up and hangs him upside down off the side of the building while anakin sits on the roof ledge next to the office with luke and leia watching everything play out

Can time travel AUs finally give Obi-Wan that therapy????? He has PTSD and deserves a Service Boga thanks. I’m aching

Another attack this time on @mothsmeadow ! He looks like he’d tear up a dance club lol. Hope you like it!

I am so surprised at how well this came out. Trash can was surprisingly easy to work with.

Obi-Wan sometimes forgets that Anakin and Ahsoka are not younglings anymore.

Like, during the war, when it just started and he and Anakin were only getting used to it, Anakin would often fall asleep while he was writing reports. And Obi-Wan would just pick him up to carry him to his room and Anakin would wrap all his limbs around him and cling to him like a monkey.

When Obi-Wan picks up Ahsoka for the first time, she sprawls all over him and snores into his neck.

And he gets some side-looks at first, the clones are surprised to see such displays between their Jedi. But Obi-Wan just smiles and keeps going, shifting Anakin a little so his neck won't hurt when he wakes up.

And then he starts doing it to the clones as well.

One day he randomly found a clone sleeping in the hall and picked him up, armor and weapons and all, and brought him to the barracks. The men who were there at the time almost fainted when their General strolled in casually and asked where was their brother's bunk.

No one believes them then they later speak about it in the mess hall.

Cody almost has a heart attack the first time he sees it happen. Like, this is his superior officer, his General, the High General of the GAR and the member of the Jedi Council carrying one of his man bridal stile!

It was pretty early into the war and Cody was serving under Obi-Wan's command for only a couple of months, so he was absolutely certain he would hear at least some comment or even an order to punish the man. After all, he must have fallen asleep on duty.

But there's nothing.

Obi-Wan didn't even mention it. He just smiled at the clone the next time he saw him and asked if he was getting enough sleep now.

It just keeps happening. The war is ruthless, after all.

Obi-Wan carries Anakin, Ahsoka and the clones all around the ship to get them to comfortable sleeping places. Everyone get used to it fast. Some clones even make it a competition to fall asleep in the weirdest places to see if Obi-Wan would find them.

He does, every time.

The clones get comfortable around Obi-Wan very fast, seeing that he's not exactly what the Kaminoans promised them the Jedi would be. Sure, he's calm and wise and very nice and absolutely terrifying with his lightsaber but he's also kind and warm and friendly. They joke with him, even tease him. He smiles and returns the favor. And then Wooley accidently calls Obi-Wan 'Dad' after receiving an order.

Anakin thinks it's hilarious and teases them both. Until Obi-Wan reminds him how he called Master Yoda 'Grandpa'.

That shuts him up.

But soon after, Obi-Wan randomly drops adoption papers on the table in the middle of the briefing and says that he signed them already and everyone who wants can do the same, they just need to write their name in and it's done.

That's how he adopts the whole 212th except Cody, who looks him dead in the eye and asks him out.

He says yes.

And since the 212th now are considered Stewjoni, the rest of the clones get the citizenship automatically as they're all family.

Anakin sulks and doesn't talk to Obi-Wan for a week until a very confused Ahsoka asks him why.

"No, I'm very glad that our men have rights now, but he didn't even ask me if I wanted to be adopted too! I didn't even know the Jedi were allowed to do it."

"But he adopted you like, ten years ago?"

"WHAT"

"Oh, he asked me a few weeks after I became your Padawan if I wanted to become your sister too. I said yes, by the way."

Which leads to this-

"Why didn't you tell me you adopted me!"

"But I told you, remember, after our second swimming lesson?"

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING"

Animagus AU again

Rex: *standing there with adolescent monkey Ahsoka on his shoulder, quietly grooming his non existent hair*

Anakin: *comes over and looks at everyone for a long moment* Why is Echo crying?

Echo: *feeding bat Fives some watermelon*

Fives: *wrapped up like a burrito in a soft bat blankie while monching and cronching his noms*

Rex: Have you SEEN Fives eat watermelon? It’s cute. I cry sometimes too.

Anakin: *goes over to watch Fives eat his noms* Oh… oh no… they’re right…

Anakin: *turns back to look at Ahsoka* Hey! Why aren’t you cute like that? I watched you shove an entire banana in your mouth this morning, that wasn’t cute! Be cute!

Ahsoka: *fake sadness, hiding her laughing little monkey face in Rex’s neck*

Rex, upon mistaking that for real sadness: *holding her little body close, very protective* First of all, how DARE you-

Humans are eldritch. They can sing a thousand voices, and they only started space exploration after more than two hundred years of trying to fix their own sick planet. They are guilt-driven, reckless and incredibly terrifying. They scare themselves for fun, they have deadly sports, and they are willing to almost die just to see if something can work.

No other intelligent species we know does that. No one almost killed their entire planet for the sake of profits, and no one discovered they could sing it back to life. No one is fascinated by unknown and terrific creatures that would certainly destroy everything and everyone, much less create art about the mere idea of it. No one dedicates so much of their craft for incomprehensible arts that can only be felt.

The entire universe’s medicine has changed since they arrived. We had to discover ways of erasing memory, of calming someone in the blink of an eye, because human art can make someone so sick they might never recover from it. Rumours spread, and humans were now feared. Everything about them became something terrific.

We knew they felt guilty, from almost killing their homeplanet, but that? That art, those hundreds of thousands of ideas of things that could never be, but still could be thought about? Those hands, smudged with toxic paint and oils, used to create imaginary things that looked too real to be imaginary? Their bodies, almost fragile almost strong bodies, that adapted to everything and could be broken down for the sake of things they deemed as beautiful? That did not came from guilt. It came within their own terrifying natures, along their hundred voices that could heal, along their silence that could destroy, along everything they ever created.

But still, when everyone feared them, humans did not try to attack. They did not try to cover themselves once again with blood. They did not do anything with violence. Despite everything, humanity was kind.

They helped with medicine, with their vaccines. They helped with technology, with their reckless nature of wanting to see if something can explode. They helped with art, by showing their own, and admiring ours.

They helped with history, for their obsession with the past did not allow them to not want to know more. They helped with restauration, for their guilt made them want to stop anyone from making mistakes similar to theirs. They helped with war, for not doing it. They helped with the universe, for despite everything, they still loved.

Humans are eldritch, for everything was set so they could once again use violence, but they did not. Humans are eldritch, because they themselves think they are evil, but still, they do not commit to it. Humans are eldritch, and they will help you out when you need it - just ignore their pets, for they have an obsession with befriending any and all creatures.

edit: hi so this is gaining traction again! i’m a college student who does writing commissions, so feel free to check it out! have a nice day byeee