I Am Tired And Sick And Sore, And I Know I Don't Deserve This, But I Know I Have To Get Through It Anyway.

reblog and put in the tags if you’re a ‘whoa’ or a ‘woah’ person

tw// suicidal(?) thoughts mention

God okay I just need to say this somewhere

My love (r <3) continues to save my life every time with no hesitation

The number of times I have had to call them and say "hey, I'm very likely to do something idiotic rn" and their response is "do you need to call?"

I was on the other side of the fence yesterday, looking down, and thinking "it's not that high, I'll survive it" and they literally brought me back from the edge by talking about their game and encouraging me to do something I enjoy instead (by giving examples and ideas because all I wanted to do was step off that ledge and see what would happen)

I love this person with my entire body, mind, and soul, and I am so grateful to have them in my life.

there are very few ancient artifacts that make me more emotional than roman tombstones that thank the reader for stopping by and wish them well. there's simply something so sweet and gentle to me about imagining a traveler stopping along the road to read someone's final dedication and being sent away with the blessings of a thankful ghost

Accepting myself, even the parts that hurt me, has been a struggle. But I'm trying.

thinking about the five guys post ❤

Quote otd

"No thoughts, brain absolutely empty, only Hotondo homes"

no context

The Mentally Ill Checklist of Why Do I Feel Bad

1. Look at your pill organizer. Did you take last night’s pills? That’s why.

2. Did you get a full night’s sleep last night? No. That’s why. Get some melatonin and Sleepytime Tea and knock yourself out. A 90 minute nap will unfuck you. 

3. Did you eat? That’s why. Carbs even me out the quickest, then I eat something with fiber and protein. Ideally I also eat a fruit or vegetable. 

4. Has your behavior seemed more disordered lately? Time to call your med doctor. You might need a lithium level or a med adjustment.

5. Have you been dealing with more stress or overworking at school or work? That’s why. Work on a list of coping mechanisms during this time. Breathing, self care, cooking meals, full nights sleep, media distractions, venting to a friend, group therapy or support groups, mindful meditation, grounding exercises. Take a ten minute break to sit in the hallway outside your workstation and relax your breathing. Don’t self judge. It’s going to be okay.

6. Do you have a uterus? Has it been 25-35 days? That’s why. 

7. Have you been consuming an unusual amount of caffeine, sugar, drugs, or alcohol? That’s why.

8. Have you noticed psychotic symptoms getting worse? For me, this means obsessing over my zodiac, the radio, spotify playlists, and social media for hidden signs. It’s referential delusions. When things start to feel too “spooky”, I challenge those thoughts by asking how logical they are. 

9. Have you made yourself unhappy by looking at your triggers? That’s why. Self control is an art form.

10. Are you judging yourself for your coping mechanisms? We’re all out here trying to survive. Unhealthy coping mechanisms are coping mechanism that are hurting you. Excessive use of coping mechanisms is what is bad. Spending A LITTLE money or eating A LITTLE junk food or having ONE DRINK is okay. You don’t have to call yourself fat as some sort of self shaming ritual every time you relapse and eat some Doritos. Even if you’re already fat. You gotta say to yourself “Is this that dangerous? Is this becoming a bad habit? Is this a big deal?” If not, do you what you need to do. 

11. Are you ruminating a lot before bed and during your idle time? Ask yourself “Is this thought helping me or ruining my mood?” Allow yourself a little time, but too much world-building or catastrophizing or fetishizing the past is bad. Recognize when you’re doing it.

12. Have you felt unloved or ignored by your friends? Reach out to them yourself. Call in your B list friends if you need to. Yeah we all have those friends, and they might be happy to hear from you. Worst case scenario, call the Suicide Hotline. 

13. Are you spending a lot of time hating on other people or fixating on conflicts in your personal life? Is this actually helping you? Release that anger. Find a way to channel it into something. Angrily walk around the block. Rage clean your house. There is a recycling plant in my town that has a big glass bottle sorting area. Throwing glass as hard as I can into a big pit? Bliss. 

14. Spend your money on something healthy instead of the BS. I love spending money on dumb shit and I will buy the whole mall if the check allows it. But my car needed front wheels. And gas. And I needed to mealprep. My cat needed vitamins. I need Therapy to keep myself healthy. Even putting a chapstick in your car when you constantly need it and forget to get one will elevate your life. Where are you spending that money? What’s going to protect you? 

15. Are you feeling disconnected from the world and other people? Go to the library, turn off your phone, and just look around. Let it be a quiet time. 

(okay to reblog and add your own)

Chronic pain + intermittent tremors got me feeling 106 😭

A belated happy pride month to all the small people in my phone ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤