"Patience is a virtue." Easier said than done. There are always moments when you get frustrated from waiting, whether it's waiting in line at the grocery store or waiting for a text from that special someone. Sometimes it feels easier to just give up and start afresh. But wait if you had just waited out a little longer? What if you missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime? What if not waiting was going to be one of the biggest regrets in your life? But what if it's time to move on? Where is the line between stubborn and stupidity? Ah, the never ending questions in my head.
I think everyone is guilty of saying "empty words" at one point in their life. In my case, I apologize a lot for things that aren't even my fault. Like if someone tells me, "I got a ticket before headed over here." My automatic response would be, "Oh, I'm so sorry!". "I know that might be how most people would reply in that situation. However, if you think about it, aren't you apologizing for something unrelated to you? It's so easy to sympathize with someone and apologize for whatever misfortunes have fallen upon them. However, when it really counts, can any of us proudly and bravely apologize when we need to? I know I'm still learning how to...
I'm guilty of being slow to realize things. Sometimes when I do come to a realization, feelings have already been hurt or things are then out of my control. I go through life trying to be good as I can, trying to bring happiness to as many people as I can. But the truth is there are going to be people that you hurt, whether it is intentional or not. And as much as you try to fix it, some things just can't be fixed. Some things you will just learn to live with. Some things you sleep and forget about the next day.
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Insomnia strikes again. I used to have really bad insomnia in college. But after working two jobs and going to school, I wore myself out so much that I was thankful to go to bed. But it seems like my insomnia has returned. Maybe it's the coffee I had hours ago. Or maybe I just have too many thoughts in my head. Today, I thought about how fast this year has gone by. Looking back at this same day last year, things have changed so much. Last year, I was headed on the trip of a lifetime. I was on a mission trip out of the country and it was the most inspirational and amazing thing I have done thus far. Never would I have thought I would be able to last that long overseas and in those conditions I had to go through. But that was nothing. It was nothing compared to all that I saw, the things I was able to experience, the people I had met. Besides the things overseas, things at home were also completely different. Family and friends were all well, relationships with everyone were good. This year, things are a bit strained and it really bothers me that I can't fix it. Maybe it's because I lacked the courage that I had so much of last year. Or maybe it's how it's supposed to be for now. Maybe this is a lesson in life. Or maybe I should just roll to the other side of the bed and count sheep.
"It takes both sides to build a bridge." But does it only take one side to burn it down?
Sometimes you have to distance yourself from someone, to provide them the space they need. This space – you thought it was what they deserved.
So you wait. And wait.
But you also long to hear from them. For things to be okay again. For everything to go back to the way it was.
But at this point in time, it hasn’t. And it kills you. And it’s your fault.
Can’t you hear my thoughts? I wish I could hear yours. To see if I even cross your mind.
I know you crossed my mind a million times today.