Fml

Adam Parrish was unknowable.

Hi Maggie, I'd really like to hear you say a bit more about why you wrote Adam trying to repair the relationship with his abusive parents in the Raven King. What is the merit in salvaging a relationship such as that, and do you think it is possible for Adam's parents to truly redeem themselves? P.S. Can't wait for Call Down The Hawk, hopefully by the time it comes out I'll quit accidentally calling it Call The Hawk Down (every time I do that I'm like SHIT...was that it? That wasn't it...)

Dear courageofhorses,

I have also seen CALM DOWN THE HAWK which is a perfectly appropriate title.

Following is spoilers for TRK

spoilers

spoilers

no seriously

spoilers

CAVEAT: I’m going to answer this with how I interpret Adam’s character, but in the end, the books live without me, so it’s what makes it on the page and into your interpretation that counts.

THAT SAID. I’m not sure I would call Adam’s final move in The Raven King an attempt to repair the relationship, because it’s not about his parents, it’s about him. It’s about what he needs to say and do in order to feel he has the moral high ground; it’s what he personally requires to allow himself freedom.

By the time we get to that final scene of his in TRK, he’s been living on his own for quite awhile, a high school senior who fled his childhood home under duress. In that time, he’s lived through a helluva lot of traumatic and brilliant events. He’s seen his mentor die, he’s fallen in love, he’s dreaded his best friend’s death, he’s learned that he can be a good friend. 

The only time he’s seen his father in that time is when he comes busting through the door of his apartment with violence and Cabeswater intervenes. 

Otherwise, it has been only Adam and his memories of his parents, and if there is anything Adam doesn’t trust throughout the series, it’s his own interpretation of events. He’s been trained his entire childhood to doubt himself. 

So him returning to TRK isn’t about him genuinely trying to repair a relationship, to accept his parents back into his life despite all the’ve done to him. Instead, it’s about him — for the first time, ever — walking back to the trailer he grew up in without fear. He’s just come from graduation, and he’s closing the books behind him. He’s choosing to be blunt with his parents, without fear, older, wiser, more powerful. He knows he can trust whatever he sees as he walks back through that door under his own steam. It will be the truth, not what his battered emotional thoughts whispered to him for 800 pages.

Adam returns to see if, now that he knows himself, these people he saw as monsters still look like monsters. He wants to see if he becomes monstrous in their presence. He wants to feel for the first time in his life the glorious glow of the absolutely certain high ground while looking at his father. 

He wants to exorcise the memory of a fearful man who controlled his life for 17 years by instead facing him with the full knowledge that he has no control over Adam whatsoever. 

And as to the rest: shit, man. Even if your parents beat the crap out of you, it can be hard to make the decision to walk away completely. The voices whisper that maybe it wasn’t that bad –

But Adam says what he came to say.

He came to see if he ever had parents. If, once he didn’t hate himself, they might be different. And guess what: he’s the only thing that changed. They didn’t. 

He fled that trailer last time he left. Like the scared kid he was. But now he just walks out, like the man he became.

So to me, that scene is about Adam coming back to the trailer to realize this about his past:

And this about his future:

And walking out as Adam Parrish, son of no one, only himself.

tl;dr: abuse is a complicated creature with many different roads to closure. Is what Adam does right? I can’t say that. Is what I think Adam did in that scene what you think he did in that scene? I can’t say that either.

But I reckon that’s what I was thinking when I walked him out that door for the last time.

urs,

Stiefvater

that one scene in the raven king where henry wants blue to go with him somewhere in a car but she's like "no i have a strong hating-rich-boys-especially-raven-ones reputation here and people are looking at me", so he's like "fair enough" and pretends to dramatically have a fight with her so her reputation upholds, and drives away. and then equally rich and equally raven boy gansey arrives and stops right next to her. easily top 10 funniest scenes in the entire series

Ok guys I’m gonna be honest there’s a LOT of Voltron but plz be aware I haven’t rlly used Tumblr

a break from my trc stuff, but jinx is so important to me 🫶🏻

So. I love every character in TRC, with all my heart and soul. And I love them with the understanding that these dynamics and nuances of their interactions speak to their larger character themes. All of the protagonists are teenagers who feel very out of control in their lives and utilize varying coping mechanisms to regain external control that compensates for their internalized panic. They are dumb and hormonal and they make stupid stupid decisions and they hurt each others feelings because they are seventeen and all of them are seriously traumatized and continue the trauma train through all books.

Now, this feels like a safe space for me to not only admit I love Adam (if you can't tell by now please inform me so I can rectify this immediately) and he could have become the villain like originally planned and I'd have been rooting for and justifying him the entire time. So take everything with a grain of salt that I'm someone who thinks all his actions track and make perfect sense, especially considering who he is how he was raised and how he internalizes the environment.

So when I say that I don't see much nuance in the Gansey vs Adam dynamic when it comes directly to money and Adam's home life I mean it. Like I can understand that Gansey is coming from a good place, he doesn't mean to be condescending, and in his head he just wants to protect and love his friends. And we can tell that Adam positively adores Gansey, like an outrageous amount. Multiple times Adam has cited he's incapable of saying no to him. So when he does that should matter.

A constant theme of Gansey's character, especially early on, is the idea he can't speak without offending others. He's quick to make a verbal misstep. He doesn't think all his words through and he easily hurts others. This isn't even about the "repugnant" scene (that alone would have been enough for me cut someone off, especially considering Adam had just lost his hearing because of his abuser), or about Gansey saying Adam is just as bad as his mother, or any other time Gansey makes a particularly cruel jab about Adam's abuse. There is nuance to it, and I'll never ever say I hate Gansey because you know it's all about intention and Adam responds because he isn't used to people caring for him or how to not take it as pity.

But how many times do we see Adam calmly explain (and less calmly as the point continues to be pushed) why he can't accept Gansey's assistance or his money? Multiple times to Gansey, by the way, and more to others. It's implied it's an ongoing conversation. And Gansey steps over the line several times. He does what he can get away with and then pushes over and over. And I fully understand the intention, I cannot stress that enough, and I know it's because Gansey loves him so so much. But even if you boil it down to money, I truly think that if someone says "hey don't do [this thing] it pushes my boundaries and I need to handle my life in my own way on my own terms.' then it should be respected. And Gansey tends to push these lines and assume he knows how to handle situations better than his friends because Gansey is a very rich teenager who makes poor decisions, especially regarding money. He does it with Ronan, too. And you can have all the good intention in the world and still do something shitty in the eyes of another person. I see a lot of people say Gansey did nothing wrong and Adam is being an asshole and that fundamentally makes no sense to me. Not even counting the shit Gansey says to him, but the general attitude towards money and the disregard for Adam's very clear boundaries are an issue. I'm surprised they're defending because "Gansey just wants to help!" I'm very weird about money and favours myself and have a hard time viewing acts of kindness as something I need to repay (I got in a fight with a friend for buying me a present when I explicitly said not to get me one, I have a list of drinks or snacks friends have gotten me so I can repay them, etc.) and when my friends cross those boundaries I get pissed. And my friends and I are in the same tax bracket. Blue behaves in a similar manner to Adam surrounding money, and doesn't get nearly as much vitriol over it (Blue in general gets overlooked by fans but I digress.) Nevermind that Adam is a person who thrives on the ability to make his own choices, and his agency and sense of control is vital for his survival.

I think every character is deeply flawed. Every one of them. Gansey's flaws are a huge part of his story, his constant need for control (all of their needs for control) and his tendency to try and fix other people's problems to distract from his own. And it's difficult to criticize because it comes from a good place. If it was anyone else, it'd be unforgivable. But it's Gansey. And he truly doesn't consider this condescending or disrespectful. But when it's regularly laid out and explained to him it's hard to give him a pass. He speaks on how he doesn't want to be judged for his money, but he will use his money when he needs to solve a problem. (He will hate himself for it, of course. But nonetheless.) Because it's the environment he was raised in and its hard to put himself in a place where he understands why that can be inappropriate.

This isn't like... a major hate train on Gansey. I love Gansey. I really do. But pretending like the dynamic between him and Adam isn't as equally (if not more so?) influenced by Gansey's pushing of those boundaries is a huge misreading and a disregard for how beautifully complex Gansey is written. This primarily springs from my own TRC annotations and some posts I've seen swirling around.

The Fibonacci sequence was developed by the Italian mathematician, Leonardo Fibonacci, in the 13th century. The sequence of numbers, starting with zero and one, is a steadily increasing series where each number is equal to the sum of the preceding two numbers. This sequence can be seen in many natural patterns.

since yall LOVED blue in strawberry dress so much here's another silly outfit raven cycle doodle for yall 😌 let's just pretend i didn't forget to add blue's eccentric earrings and just focus on ronan being silly goofy

hear me out hear me out…

Sapphic Pynch

phoebe bridgers i have $4 and a few jolly ranchers can i pay you to go to the studio phoebe bridgers please