I Believe Everybody Else Is Unreasonably Indifferent About Plant Nurseries, Actually

Hey just pretend this post was really smart and funny okay

Guys I just wanna be evil

I'm too busy tho :<

Today I nutted in girlfriend, today was a good day.

“there is no platonic explanation for this” yes there is actually! it’s called “being friends”

Aight Imma start calling you (yes, YOU) chat. Saying hey guys at the start of each post does not hit as hard

Friendly reminder to check your child's Halloween candy this year, I just found an endless labyrinth of physically-impossible tunnels reflecting the descent into madness of multiple unreliable narrators, each with their own obsessive goal that they pursue to the point of harming themselves inside of a snickers bar

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

Gets a job as a therapist but as my patients tell me about their awful lives I just sit there going "oh mood" and "meeee"

Trying to hold my laughter in chemistry

reddit is having a glitch where it puts the wrong captions over photos and it’s the only thing i care about right now