Femenism - Blog Posts

A war I didn't sign up for.

We're teenage girls, me and my friends. In every sense of the word.

We've got one who loves k-dramas, Tom Holland and makes great almond cake, we've got a tiny one who's sarcasm mutes me every time (to her great delight) and loves anime, we've got one who's the light and laughter of any party, who's soft safety and recently was diagnosed with depression, and we've got a childish and dreaming one who's beautiful, stunning. Everyone tells her. It frightens her.

I haven't seen my friends in a while.

No one's fault, just life. School, tests, a pandemic. So imagine my happiness! Our excitement! When a friend's friend invited us to a party, and we found time to meet up beforehand, to talk! Laugh! Eat pizza!

My friends came. And we laughed. I told them I've never been to a party, that I was pretty nervous. Soft And Safe grinned at me, told me it was fine, the boys that invited us were nice. And guess what? She had kissed one of them!! A drunken make-out, wasn't that cool??!

Then she stopped. Her smile slipped a little

Well, not that cool. She started, sitting there beside my bed.

Not all of it.

And sentence for sentence, Soft And Safe, who I grew up with, who I'd known like the other girls since I was ten, new in town and was adopted into their little group, hesitantly told me a story I'll never forget. Because it taught me life.

Because the boy she made out with was nice.

Until he asked her to kiss him on the cheek for a picture and she felt too uncomfortable and drunk to say no.

Until, when they were kissing alone in a room, he kept trying to put his hand under her shirt, even when she pushed it away.

Until he pulled her onto his lap, crotch pushed uncomfortably against her jeans, and held her waist down.

Until he barked at the girl checking up on Soft And Safe to get out.

Until he put his hand into her pants, and answered "everything is fine, relax", when she told him she didn't like that.

Until he pushed her over the sink.

Until, when she said she didn't want that and that they should go back downstairs, he got back claps and fist bumps from the other boys.

She got her best friend, whom she had rejected a week earlier, call her a slut. He said he could never see her the same way again.

We thought it wouldn't happen to us. But as we sat there in my room, staring at her forced smile, eyes frantic, we realised how she had done everything right.

And it had still happened.

It had happened to me three weeks earlier, at my gym.

And we realised

It wouldn't stop. We wouldn't grow out of it.

Being a woman would be a war we hadn't signed up for.

We went to the party. I saw him. I didn't deck him like I had planned. Because everyone would think I'm the one out of line.

Hey bitches bros and nonbinary hoes. Guess who saw another movie? You don’t have to guess it’s me, it’s always me. Anywho Wicked was great 7.4/10, not my normal type of movie (Musical) but incredible if you know anything about Oz and the Wicked universe. Fantastic sets and songs and acting, Ariana Grande does look a bit anorexic and her acting makes her feel punchable in a good way- it is the first half of the play and runs a good 2 hours 40 minutes but it doesn’t feel that long. Lots of relevance to today and metaphors reflecting politics and society. Made my sister cry, can’t wait for part 2.

A while back, I saw a post about how 'women starving themselves and being fake by wearing makeup or plastic surgery was not feminist' and I'd like to talk about it.

Firstly, yes, women starving themselves is not 'feminist', and as a feminist myself, I would never tell another woman to starve herself, however, that does not mean that going on a diet is wrong or somehow wrong. If you are doing it for yourself, than it is your decision and yours alone.

Secondly, I disagree with the point that wearing makeup or having plastic surgery is not feminist. Feminism is about choice, liberty and bodily autonomy, so if someone wants to wear makeup and get surgery, then that is their decision, if it makes them happy, they should not be shamed for doing that. Of course, we should not be forcing women to wear makeup and get surgery to fit a beauty standard, however if they themselves wish to do so for their own enjoyment, it is wrong to shame them. Some people, like myself, enjoy wearing makeup, we can still be feminists, because to me, femenism is about bodily autonomy and choice.

Therefore, 'being fake' as OP put it, is a very harmful way to view the conversation, makeup and plastic surgery can make someone happy, that does not make them a bad person, everyone is different. Some people want to be a tomboy, some want to be girly, there is no right or wrong.