Gsfjsgsh - Blog Posts

Instead of a confession Edwin came out to Charles on the staircase

~O~0~o~0~O~

“I’ve never actually really thought about it until you asked me,” Edwin said into the quiet air, pulling Charles back from his own thoughts.

“Huh?” Charles asked.

“What it’s like.” Edwin said. “Being in love.”

“Oh.”

“It’s like- no words can describe it, right? But at the same time, I feel like I could use every word in every language, and it would still never be enough.”

Charles didn’t say anything. What was he supposed to say to that?

“Honestly I feel like I could probably talk forever about it.” He seemed to realize what he was saying and looked over at Charles. “It’s not like I could ever talk to our friends about it though. I mean- not that I don’t trust them. It’s just not really the kind of thing you tell them.” Charles got it. If Edwin ever brought anything like that up to Crystal and Nico, he would never ever hear the end of it.

“You can talk to me,” he offered, his voice more of a whisper than he meant it to be.

Edwin looked at him a minute, his expression unreadable. “Thanks,” he said finally.

“Yeah,” Charles said softly and his heart rate sped up, just a little. Silence fell between them again. …

“You really want to hear about it?” Edwin asked later that night.

“If you want to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to feel like I’m just making you listen to me talk.”

Charles shrugged. “I like listening to you talk.” That seemed to be enough to assure him.

Edwin thought for a moment. “It is,” he said, “the most amazing and terrifying feeling I have ever known, at the same time.” He closed his eyes as if trying to picture it. “It feels almost- almost unreal,” he said once he opened them again. “Like maybe I’m just imagining everything and I’m going to wake up at any minute. And yet it’s like the most sure thing I have ever known. It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff, and someone is supposed to be at the bottom to break the landing, but I’ve already jumped off before checking if they’re there. Every time I see him, it’s like the breath has been stolen from my lungs, and my whole world has been turned upside down. And yet- he makes everything fall into place. And it’s breathtaking. Like when we’re together, everything is how it’s meant to be. Like right there, in that moment, everything is right. Like nothing else matters when I’m with him. And then I look at him and… Looking at him is like looking at forever.”

“Oh,” Charles said, because what else could he say?

“It’s everything,” Edwin said softly, looking over at Charles. “He’s everything.”

Charles caught his gaze and his smile was breathtaking. And oh. Because that’s how Edwin had described it. Breathtaking. But Edwin was talking about the boy who held his future. And this was just Edwin. His best friend. So maybe it didn’t have to be the love of his life to find someone breathtaking. Maybe best friends can be breathtaking too, he decided.

Charles flopped back onto the couch, letting his head fall against the arm. “Tell me about him?” he asked.

“Okay,” Edwin agreed, then paused. “I’m not very good at describing people,” he said.

“Tell me anyway.”

Edwin was quiet a moment, like he was trying to gather up the courage to speak. “He has the prettiest brown eyes that light up when he talks about something he loves, and the most charismatic smile you’ve ever seen. He’s kind and he’s smart, even if he doesn’t think he is. He’s brave and compassionate and spontaneous…” his voice trailed off. “And he’s perfect,” he said. “I wish he could see that.”

“You could tell him,” Charles suggested, but when Edwin smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes.

“He wouldn’t listen,” he said quietly.