I Can't Afford Therapy - Blog Posts

Oh to be loved.

A/n: Kind of a vent? Barely hanging on at the moment.

The room was dimly lit, the soft glow of the moon filtering in through the curtains, casting a silvery sheen on everything. You and Acronix were tangled up in the warmth of each other on the couch, the world outside forgotten. It was one of those rare, quiet moments when everything felt peaceful—or at least it should have.

You sat with him close, his body relaxed against yours. Your hands cupped his face gently, your thumbs stroking his cheekbones in a repetitive, soothing motion. Acronix closed his eyes, leaning into your touch with an almost boyish smile, clearly enjoying the attention. He looked so serene, so content, that it made your chest ache.

But something wasn’t right.

Under your hands, his face felt so solid, so real, but it was like your own skin betrayed you. The sensation was faint, dull, as if a barrier existed between you. Your fingers felt numb, your chest heavy. The thoughts crept in, unbidden and cruel.

Why am I even here? Why does he want me? He could have anyone, someone stronger, someone better.

You don't deserve him.

You blinked rapidly, trying to force the thoughts away, but they only grew louder, echoing in your mind. Your hands trembled slightly as you continued to hold him, desperate to cling to the moment even as the numbness spread through you like a poison.

Acronix, ever attuned to you, opened his eyes when he felt the subtle tremor in your touch. "Hey," he said softly, his voice laced with gentle concern. His hazel eyes searched your face, and he instantly noticed the tears slipping silently down your cheeks.

His brow furrowed as he straightened slightly, his hands moving to cover yours, holding them firmly against his face. "What’s wrong?" he asked, his tone urgent but tender. "Talk to me."

You tried to shake your head, to dismiss it, but the words spilled out before you could stop them. "I… I don’t deserve you," you whispered, your voice breaking. "Why would you choose me? I’m just—"

You felt unloved.

Why him? You don't deserve him, he deserves someone better, stronger, stronger than you, or better yet, It would've been solved if only you had just gone off of this world—

"Stop," Acronix interrupted firmly, his hands tightening around yours. He sat up fully now, his expression serious but soft, his gaze locking onto yours. "Don’t do that. Don’t talk about yourself like that."

You tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let you. "Hey," he said again, his voice gentler this time. "Look at me."

Reluctantly, you met his eyes, your vision blurred with tears. "I’m not enough," you admitted, your voice barely audible. "I’m not strong or reliable. I’m just… me."

For a moment, Acronix said nothing, his expression unreadable. Then, with deliberate care, he brought your hands down from his face and intertwined his fingers with yours. "Listen to me," he began, his voice steady. "You are more than enough. You’re not some ‘option’ I settled for. You’re the person I chose, the person I want, and I’ll keep choosing you every single time."

His words made your breath hitch, but the ache in your chest remained. He sighed softly, leaning forward to press a kiss to your forehead. "You’re not perfect," he continued, "and guess what? Neither am I. But that’s not what this is about. This—" he gestured between the two of you, "—is about being there for each other. And right now, I’m here for you, just like you’ve always been here for me."

Tears continued to stream down your face as he pulled you into his arms, holding you close against his chest. "You don’t have to be ‘strong’ all the time," he murmured, one hand running through your hair while the other rubbed soothing circles on your back. "And you’re not unreliable, okay? You’re human. You feel things. That’s what makes you… you. And that’s who I love."

His words finally broke through the wall of numbness, and you clung to him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder. Acronix didn’t let go, didn’t rush you. He just held you, letting you pour out every ounce of pain and insecurity.

It took a long hour before your sobs eventually subsided into quiet sniffles, he pulled back just enough to cup your face in his hands, mirroring the way you had held him earlier. "You’re not going to get rid of me that easily," he teased softly, his thumb brushing away a stray tear.

Despite everything, you managed a small, attempt wobbly smile, and he grinned in response. "There’s my favorite smile," he said, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of your lips.

He kept you close for the rest of the night, refusing to let you go back into those dark thoughts. Whenever you started to doubt yourself, he was there with a gentle reminder, a soft touch, a reassuring smile. And even though the ache in your chest didn’t disappear entirely, it was easier to bear with him by your side, holding you together when you couldn’t do it on your own.

He'll hold you as long as you wanted.

You can never be alone when you have him.

©leftalpacavoid 2025.