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The conflicting feeling has returned.
You've been terrible to me and I want you to face consequences.
But you're in danger and I don't want anything awful happening to you.
But you've done so much to hurt me over the years.
But you've also done so much to help me.
You were apathetic towards my plight and my cries often fell on deaf ears.
I would help you if I could but my untreated and undiagnosed disorders and years of abuse have led me to a terrible mental state and I have no funds to help you.
My abuser needs to go to the hospital. They refuse. Their ailment could get worse. I have no car, nor license, nor insurance, nor funds and I cannot help them.
I would like to show just the smallest bit of mercy to my abuser, despite how often they refused to show me even a grain of it, but we are both helpless for the time being....
People keep telling me my job is supposedly easy, but it's not to me. It's so hard every damn day. and I feel guilty because I'm making more money than plenty of people who have it way worse, but I've gotten so depressed. I don't feel like it's worth it most of the time. I'm off 2 days a week, the building has air conditioning, and we get an hour for lunch, which is more than most people, but I'm still so upset all the time. And being so guilty about it is even worse.