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Im Hurtin - Blog Posts
Secret.
it is time for me to open up with you. Seriously.
I’m destroyed, fully. I know that it breaks your heart, when I cry again, instead of being honest with myself; but I can’t stop. That’s so much more to my soul that you haven’t seen yet, and I’m hating myself because I haven’t even tried showing it to you.
I wanna be with you, in a way that you will never understand; I was brought up by two morally and emotionally diverse parents: one was too affectionate and oblivious to the world, and the other one was too cold and overprotective, so both of them never realised how toxic it became.
And you do it so well. You’re so understanding. You’re there for me. You’re my other half. That part which I’ve been missing for a lot of time. You stare at me and to me, that, that is the sun. The sun looking at me, admiring me but never blinding my eyes or burning my skin. Because you know exactly what I need.
You’re the moon to my inner stars. You complete me entirely.
And there’s a whole lot of baggage that you can’t see because i’ve been hiding it to you. Will I ever feel the need to show you where I’m hurting?
I know you hear me when I cry. It hurts you. But I can’t stop.
If you were anybody else, you’d leave me in my own torment. But, you're not and I don't know idf that makes me feel any better.
It breaks your heart. Leaving me.
So why are you leaving me?
It’s the fact that I’ll never get over the bbc Merlin final
Your reason to be
Grass will grow and vines will spread
Everybody will forget
What happened that far gone night
Beneath moons silvery, calming light
You and I alone in peace
Thoughts making you want to cease
Quit what you build this whole life
In your shivering hand the knife
I didn‘t say a word, just starred
You knew I really wasn‘t prepared
And who could blame me for not knowing
Just my ignorance was showing
I‘d never thought you‘d do it
Thought you‘d give it time to sit
Before making decisions
couldnt wait for more revision
Eyes filled with deep desparation looking at me
Trying to find reason to continue to be
But back starred fear and helplessnes and teary looks
Mind racing searchings for answers not found in books
And so you just stopped, halt in your way
me struggeling to find words to say
Letting the weapon fall to the ground
and then accepting you still were bound
You cried and pulled me into a warm embrace
Putting an end to my minds struggeling race
Hugging me tight, seeming to never let go
Both of us falling to the ground below
And I thought that was it, one night never again
But the next night, At eight or nine I‘d thought then
Moons white beams lighting our way to your end once more
The day making you question what this all was for
In the forest there we stood
Repeating what never should
Deathly thoughts turning to hope
Pulled you back up the rope
I remember thinking this surely must be it
This time the solutions must be a final fit
Of course it wasn‘t, I was too childish too naive
Little me on forests ground thinking you wouldnt leave
Every night and night again I was disproven
In situaions i‘d never hoped to have been
And slowly the knife ceased from your hand
But appeared where I would always stand
You took me down with you, now I finally see
Do you know what that even did to little me?
No, because why would you, it never was your fault
Your innocence lies in my wounds like burning salt
The memories will never be erased
They are my dreams, I‘m being chased
But at least you still are here with me
Because once I was your reason to be
I lost my sister a year ago to cancer. I have always been a lover for sunsets & nature. Ever since her passing, when I come across a beautiful picture of the sky it draws my attention 100 times more.. I could stare into the night skies for hours, so much beauty is there!!! I know my sister is watching over me, while she reminds me of her existence 🥺🙏🥺
SOTR/THG Fanfiction Idea:
Haymitch succeeded in pushing everyone away after the incident with his family, worried he'd put his friend's lives in danger. Not even able to tell them why he's pushing them away, and watching everyone slowly leave his side. Finally content (and so very lonely) about how they can't be hurt because of him. He thinks he made the right decision.
A year passes, and he goes on with life begrudgingly, learning how to be a mentor, so he can at least try to give these kids (most of which are around HIS age if not his age) a fighting chance. Working sponsorships, galas, etc. Crumbling at his first lost tributes. Knowing he'll be doing this every year unless he gets a victor and trying to cope with it.
Then another year later, it's his birthday again. But someone must truly hate him. For it's Burdock Everdeen's name that gets picked for the games while he's 18 (his last chance of even being able to be picked) alongside a girl, and Haymitch is now forced to mentor his ex-best friend and get him through the arena, working under the Capitol's gaze. All the while still learning how to be a mentor period. (and feel the everlasting guilt that he didn't push Burdock far enough and he got picked because of Haymitch - Whether or not this is true).
A friendship reunion except it's in a way literally no one asked for.
The sheer lack of Haymitch & Burdock Everdeen fanfictions is genuinely depressing :(
Someone, please write a fix-it fic where Haymitch doesn't push Burdock and Blair away and they stay friends PLEASE. A hurt/comfort fic, I need it rn. Haymitch stays away from alcohol and becomes Katniss and Prim's uncle god PLEASE.
Don't make me cry and start writing it myself 😭.
I’m falling again
I’m falling again
I’m falling again
Where do I go?
Where do I stand?
I find it hard to convey how I feel till this day
I can't think without thinking of you
You’re so hard to understand
Can’t begin to comprehend
What I’d do to have you
Pain is so easy to feel
Just bite your tongue
And don't spill the truth that burdens you
cries you to sleep
Just don’t let the blood seep
through your teeth when you smile
Hopeless romantic girlies ✨
Crashing parties but all I’m crashing is my soul
I lie to myself and say that I’m doing fine but in reality, I’d kill myself to hold you one more time
Where did all the time go?
Morning to night I'm locked up in my room far from life
I feel so alone out here
I feel so alone out here
Without you
But there’s no way to reach you
So I go back to our home that never was
I still call you home
Cause you were the only one I could tell I hurt
You were the only one that could put me to sleep like a baby
You made me feel so safe
I've never felt such a level of love before
More than I ever got from those I call family
Am I no good?
Do I not deserve your love?
Then why can't you be mine cause I'll be yours till the end of time and thereafter
Can I be yours?
Please tell me I'm yours
I'm tired
Lonely
In love
Drunk in my love
For you, my love.
If you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first whoever did.
I KNOW CHRISTMAS IS OVER BUT HERE BRUCE AND JASON ANGST RAHHHHHH
in my heart it is not dark
the rain is pouring and shattering on the floor
like glas
bursting into million pieces
pain freezing like ice
but burning myself
fading away
The houses we walk by seem to be creatures, watching us on our stroll through the streets, staring, seeing, following us and our broken relationship.
Their glowing eyes burn on my skin, your hand burns my fingers, I want to run, run, far away, to another version of you and me.
The trees seem to have eyes, watching us on our walk underneath their canopy of leaves, staring, seeing, growing through us and our broken relationship.
Their glittering eyes freeze my bones, your hand freezes my flesh, I want to run, run far away, to another version of you and me.
It hurts, I want to, have to run, to leave, to get away from this freezing warmth, from this burning cold,
but through it all, even if it hurts, I stay with you.
Better leave me undescribed,
stare at me,
and like a flower,
pluck what you want
and leave me to bloom for others.
Isn’t this what the world has become?
Is it human to destroy hearts in the seek for love ? Why isn’t it immoral not to love as you are loved ?
In this decorated room, my soul murmurs a prayer that at least this time, this manufactured happiness can last more than just a nights sleep and that I can forget all of myself without coming back the next day for another glassed antidote.
