Lesbophobia - Blog Posts

We talk a lot about how it’s homophobic to tell lesbians that they need to be open to dating males.

But by focusing on on how harmful this is to lesbians, we leave bisexuals behind.

Many trans people have an attitude of “If lesbians/gay men don’t want me, at least bisexuals do.” And that’s just not true, and not fair to bisexuals. It leads to a culture of expecting bisexual women to be okay with any configuration of biological sex, hormonal status, and body parts.

Bisexuals are therefore framed as a group of women who are supposed to be available as a potential partner for anyone who wants them.

So it’s not just homophobic, it’s part of rape culture. Because it aims to teach (mostly) women that they’re not allowed to form their own feelings about their sexuality and their attraction. It teaches women that their sexuality isn’t for them. Their sexuality is a political statement, and there is a right and wrong statement to make.

The fact of the matter is that no one has to date someone they’re not attracted to. No one has to try to develop attraction for someone they’re not innately interested in. No one has to “examine their preferences” when it comes to who they want in their bed. This includes bisexuals.

Yes, women standing up for ourselves does lead to a lot of lonely mtfs who can’t get dates. No, that is not women’s problem.

This affects all of us, but it affects bisexuals in a unique way that’s worth talking more about.

one thing i dont think we talk enough about is how pretty much every sex ed resource for lesbian teens tells them they should be open to sex with male partners

i remember being 14/15 and googling how lesbian sex worked and just being confronted with site after site telling me that lesbian sex sometimes includes a penis and it was uninclusive and closed minded to think otherwise :)))

i guarantee you no girl or woman searching for lesbian sex ed resources is looking for advice on how to blow a guy or have piv intercourse, theyre looking for advice about sexual relationships between biologically female partners

i think people underestimate how ashamed and broken it made me and other lesbians feel to read that over and over. after reading those resources i felt so hopeless that i tried to force myself to be asexual because it was the only socially acceptable way to rule out having a male partner

constantly adding these ~helpful reminders~ is like telling lesbians that they just haven't met the right guy yet, and there is no context in which they should forget it

some of these were government affiliated websites insisting that exclusive homosexuality didnt exist, or at the very least that it was unthinkable and unpeakable

its a very impactful and insidious form of homophobia

What really gets to me though is that they’re using ‘men/man’ as the default. It puts men on a pedestal and makes anyone else (WOMEN) out to be lesser ie ‘non-men’.

If this happened in any other context people would rightly be furious.

If we started describing people of colour as ‘non-whites’ there would be an outcry and rightly so, because it 1) frames whiteness as the default and therefore superior, and 2) it would be a huge step back in terms of social progress.

People of colour fought long and hard to be recognised as equal citizens, and so to call them ‘non-whites’ and make them othered would be an insult to the progress made.

Equally women have fought long and hard to be recognised as equal citizens, white women have only had the right to vote for about a century, women of colour have had that right for even less time. So to now start referring to women as ‘non-men’ (ie not the default. and therefore lesser) is a frankly massive insult to the generations of women who fought long and hard for women to be seen as equal entities.

So let’s not mince words; Lesbians are WOMEN who love WOMEN, end of discussion.

If you can't find what's wrong with this definition your are homophobic and sexist. This loser used the word male/men 4 times and female/women 0 to describe BEING A LESBIAN.