Only Friends Sandray - Blog Posts

Sand and his generosity.

Sand is a great character and I find it interesting that even though he did a crime, is actively doing another crime the majority of the fandom is behind him being such a good guy, and he is. But it got me thinking. Why is he so generous towards ray?

Now 14 yr old me would have instantly said true love but now I know a lot more. Something about his care for ray feel so familiar. Like he knows exactly what to do with someone like ray, on the verge of an alcoholic spiral 24/7.

The first few episodes we see them connecting but even if they did connect more then the other couples, there was something huge missing. Sand didn't know the extend of rays addiction. And then we see sand processing it and then top comes barging in and derails him and the entire trainwreck that resulted and sand had understood just how gone ray is. That boy needs rehab asap.

But sand goes after him, he saves him, he takes care of him, he bends to his every whim and is happy to do so, only to be tossed aside. And it's in the way he takes care of him. He knows how to take care of a drunk person , he knows how to be gentle with them , he knows how to scold them without coming across as demeaning or prejudice. He has the patience of someone who's already dealt with circumstances like these. Of taking care of a loved one who is an addict.

You can see it in the way he doesn't bring up the outburst. He bought up the drunk driving because it has the potential to cause lasting harm. But an outburst in a bar will be just that an outburst. Sand doesn't know that ray had told mew about topton, but he doesn't give the outburst much thought when ray had attacked him directly. And that's where I think he knows what to except from an outburst from an addict and is choosing to not take it personally. And that level of insight is not typical in a 20 something college kid , even if the college kid works in a bar , because ray targeted him specially. Nobody would have blamed him if he didn't go, heck rays friends who he have known for years didn't go but sand a recent acquaintance went.

Now it can be said that sand has seen the good side of ray, and he has. When it comes with dealing with addicts most people focus on changing the bad side and forget about the good side. But sand didn't , he saw the good side, liked it and is trying to get that back. That smile in the bathtub, he thought he was getting it back. But then he saw raymew dancing and that look is so interesting. Because there's no anger, there's sadness, and heartbreak and disappointed. And there's resignation. He predicted it would happen and it did.

He wasn't disappointed with ray, he was disappointed in himself. He was dealing with an addict, trying to save him when the person doesn't want to be saved. Something he has done before. Something he so familiar with he was anticipating the heartbreak when he and ray had hooked up. It's exactly like playing with fire.

So why did he jump right in when he knows the pain, because it's familiar to him.

So who's this person who has given sand the experience with working with addicts . Either his mom who's the closest person we have seen to him or his ex.

Imagine if it was his ex , someone he loved , cared for and has helped with a recovery process but then top comes and takes him away. By using drugs.

Which would explain why sand is so mad at him , why he insisted that top stole him.

Sand saw the good side with his ex , helped him get back and all that was tossed away for the next fix that top had with him. And he fought tooth and nails for him , but the ex chose his next fix and not him.

Then his eyes fell on a boy similar to his ex , who's also going through addiction and sand wants to help him since it's so familiar. And he knows it's a bad idea and he is watching the exact same thing happen away and this time he's so resigned and too tired too fight.

His generosity is not just because he's a good person , it's because he's used to it, it's because it's familiar to him.

Sandray and why they are the The good thing at the wrong time, or the right person at the wrong time.

So i have read a lot of amazing meta on this series, especially the ephemarilty squad and it has made the viewer experience so much better. A big thank you to those people.

This post is technically not a meta nor am I claiming this is something groundbreaking. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.

Only friends has been an experience and my favourite couple is sandray. I know it will only give me pain but i am a masochist.

After episode five, I have seen a lot of people start to put blame on either sand or ray or Boston ( who is at 80% fault). But in this series we can't just easily put them in a blame box. It's way to complicated for that, as emotions are.

Ep 5 is from the perspective of sand while ep 4 was from ray, from these two eps we realise how different they are, how different their experiences are.

Ray is not exactly a mature person or even a put together person like sand. And we know why, he has self esteem issues, depression and is an alcoholic due to childhood circumstances. And he does not have a supportive network. And we can't blame the friends group because they are twenty something college kids who have no idea of the seriousness. Case in point, how they wave off rays talks of being a burden and continues to enable his bad habits. He is an incredibly messy character, with clear trauma and we have given enough points, explicitly told through the narrative. We are supposed to feel sympathy for him, we are supposed to feel empathy for him. We should root for him to become better.

Compare that with Boston. Boston has been given implied issues, acted out brilliantly by neo. Now whether they are some deep rooted issues from his childhood or parents or others, we dont know. Cause we are not explicitly told. We are supposed to be see him as the antagonist.

In the case of ray, we have given reason to believe that mew is not a great friend to ray as he claims to be. So we are not supposed to root for them so then who should we root for.

Enter sand, who's practically perfect, put together, mature and hot. But the problem is sand is not a put together person, at all.

Sand juggles between jobs, he takes care of the debt of his mother and is a good son. But he's in need of money and he has told that he will do anything to get more money. Aka his illegal plum business.

Ep 5 gives us mote depth of his character. And from the outside he looks cool, calm and collected, inwardly sand is an emotional person, who's driven by his emotions. Now from the first eps we were led to believe that ray is the emotional drunkard looking for trouble. He's not. Ray is driven by his trauma, his addiction, his thoughts, not his emotions.

Sand on the other hand is quick to anger, sarcastic to the point that someone has probably tried to punch him and has a rigid moral sense. And he wants to take care of stuff. And he falls fast. But he doesn't know how to deal with them.

Sand has gotten hurt before by way of top. And he keeps his emotional walls up. Ray is lonely, he wants to connect. And a lot of people have said that he doesn't know to connect but he does. Everything he does with sand is that, he's forging a connection.

Ray was the one who initiated every one of their interactions, even if it was done in an annoying manner. And sand doesn't give a rigid boundary he immediately gives into ray.

And this connection has already been formed, entirely initiated by ray and its strong. To the point that sand has fallen hard and has already given a designated time for ray.

But they are not in the same page. Sand has told ray that he wants to just be FWB and ray has agreed to that. And while we have seen clear signs from both of then that they like each other, I don't thing they are getting it. There understanding level is clearly marred with their issues, sand with being a second choice and ray with everything.

But they have shown that they can communicate. So why are they not communicating now. Because sand has put up the boundary of FWB. No amount of mooning and looking sad is going to tell ray that he wants to be boyfriends. He has to be explicitly told and sand has to do that.

Ray should also be clear with want he wants. Verbally. But both of them are not in a place of mind to do that. And that is surprising, because we could have expected that from the put together one. Expect sand is dealing with his issues and is unwilling to try , because of the threat of heartbreak and is letting his emotions get the better of him.

On the contrary, in rp 5 , ray seems more calm. He is actually trying, he's connecting with sand with doing the things that he loves. He's falling for sand and I think he does know.

Even after being drunk and high he has the werewithal to open up a conversation, he gave the chance to sand to try. But sand rejected it. That was a big chance and if sand had taken that chance, they could have talked about their current situation. That's what's so heartbreaking about it, because the possibility was there. I mean look at him here.

He clearly wanted him to talk to him.

Expect sand didn't take it, his problems prevented him from doing it, his emotions which were going overbroad prevented him from thinking rationally.

And ray took that rejection, personally. We can easily infer what went through his mind from what we already know ," I am a burden, I am a jinx". "I have tried my best but it's not working, So why should I try more", aka the devastating happy birthday.

Ray was rational at that moment, and dare I say mature, especially considering the scene that happened just before that. Ray was able to think above his emotions and give a rational way out of that predicament. But sand rejection triggered his trauma and he went back to square one.

There was a beautiful post about different types of understanding in this series. That's what is happening here, different types of understanding. But I can't find that post.

At that point both needed to understand the other but there individual issues left them unable to do it. And it's not anyone's fault. It's not a blame game. It's the reality of trauma situations.

How trauma and mental health issues can create problems, can make situations seem bigger then they actually are. How it made two people who are compatible with each other be reluctant to go further.

They can be the perfect couple the audience want them to be. But at this point of time , they are the right person at the wrong time archetype.

And they will remain if they don't communicate. Let's hope by the end of the messiness they both have some clarity on how to go further. And give the audience an emotionally charged story.