Psych Survivor - Blog Posts

hey. got involuntarily admitted for 3 weeks. i won't touch much upon the hell i went through but let's just say i am extremely jaded and bitter and angry. i have a severe bruise on my leg from attacking objects, and some more bruises elsewhere. my knees are further fucked from medical neglect. i was threatened with restraint within hours of arriving. nothing feels real and i keep breaking down in tears.

i just got out today. my bestie picked me up, we hung out, it was cathartic. i was going to be put into inpatient rehab, then i realized i didn't want to be locked up and was just being manipulated. then i tried for respite and outpatient, but respite won't have a bed until after thanksgiving. i'm terrified to even go now because i want to keep what control of my life i have left.

so now i'm home. with my abusive family. no one has seemed happy to see me. only my mom visited me, when i asked her to bring something. my psychiatrist at the ward broke HIPPA and told my mom i'm an addict, who then told my aunt, and now my whole family knows. my father included. i have already abused drugs within half an hour of being home.

i don't even have the option of relaxing in my own room, which i had begun turning into a safe haven, because my family turned it into storage. there is virtually no walking room and it is a massive safety hazard to me. they also killed half my roses, and the others are barely alive. they said they'd take care fo them. fuck my life. fuck all of this.

why is everything i touch dying.

Literally me when a friend of mine starts wondering too deep in the rabbit hole and ask me what i know (Please dont fall in this with me):

“People only care about Lily because of her takes on Steven Universe!!”

Meanwhile, at one of my group ward recovery sessions…

Me: “So I found this video by someone called… Lily Orchard? Her friend was basically telling people to check themselves into the ward, like what the fuck?”

One of the other people there: