Queer Identity - Blog Posts

The love that this post is getting makes me so happy and proud! I love all of you and I’m so happy that we are spreading the positivity!😊

I feel like we can all agree that labels can either bring people comfort or make people feel like they are being put into boxes. So on that note, I wish you all a good day, and I hope you find comfort with yourselves whether or not you identify with a label.

Listen Up YouTube!

Please👏

Stop👏

Show👏

-Ing👏

Me👏

Trans👏

-Phobic👏

Content👏

Thank you and good night😌🌙

I wish all trans people a lovely day/night, and don’t let transphobes get you down! They don’t even know you! How are they supposed to know whether or not you are trans!?

I feel like we can all agree that labels can either bring people comfort or make people feel like they are being put into boxes. So on that note, I wish you all a good day, and I hope you find comfort with yourselves whether or not you identify with a label.

When Pran said "You've got to stop doing this to me. We are not a thing" on the rooftop, I found the English translation a little confusing. The first sentence makes it sound like Pran is asking Pat to stop being clearly romantic with him because it's hurting him, but the second sentence makes it sound like he's telling Pat to stop being clearly romantic because it's not appropriate to the kind of relationship they have, without any romantic feelings on Pran's part. Can you shed any light on what exactly Pran was trying to communicate?

Oh certainly.

This was one of my favorite parts because they used super subtle language rather than the usual Thai words for couple (which I can't spell but can now recognize) or faen.

The first bit is Pran saying basically:

"I've had enough. Stop jerking me around, emotionally. You've been flirting on and off with me for years and it's not fair. Because i know what's going on and how I feel about you. And I kind of always have since the pond incident."

The second bit is:

"It's not fair of you, Pat, to do these kind of things to me (possession, jealousy, casual affection, flirting) without you, Pat, having actual romantic feels for me. (And acknowledging them.)"

Pran thinks Pat is being casual with him. But Pran is not a casual person. This is about sincerity. 

I think Pran also thinks that Pat hasn't acknowledged his own feelings to himself yet. Remember, they have known each other a very long time. And Pran is a lot more self aware than Pat is (and he also knows that). I think he realizes that Pat is a little in love with him but Pran believes that Pat will never come to place where he can admit that to HIMSELF.

Thus the kiss is a real shocker to Pran, because he didn't think it would ever happen. And it's not that he thought Pat didn't have the guts, or wasn't action orientated, it's just that he didn't think Pat would ever have the level of self awareness required.

Pat grew up in the course of one episode, if I were Pran, I'd be surprised too.

----

As an IRL example, it's not quite the same thing but...

You ever have that friend who is clearly queer but just isn't yet?

So they aren't pretending, it's not even self delusion, because they just don't realize it. Sometimes it's family background, but sometimes it's just that they are too emotionally young. They haven't figured themselves out. How can they when they haven't had the right life experiences yet? They aren't to be blamed or pushed because of this. It's a void not a wound.

As friends (or sometimes family members) I think we often see queerness in the people we love before they see it in themselves. (Especially if we are a little older and already out.)

Because we, personally, aren't dealing with the guilt, shame, fear, loss, and rebuilding of identity that society's expectations place on our friend's way of thinking about themself. (Even if we've been through it, it's different for everyone, and we can easily forget because we want to.)

Even if the friendship group or family is accepting, it can be super hard. Because then there is a whole new set of expectations to come up against.

When analyzing Color Rush, I mentioned that no one really talks about how first love as a queer person is also a grieving process. (And anger: why must we grieve as we experience passion for the first time when the hets don't have to?)

Because as we open the closet door and walk into a queer identity we mourn the dead straight identity we left behind.

----

Which is a long way of saying, what we see on this rooftop with Pat & Pran is first love and new passion, but it is also grief.

short story? (fictional..I guess)

Tuesday, 1:45 pm

Today was a windy day on the East bay. My feet are crunching the blank ground beneath my feet. I’m wearing a jacket but it’s so cold! The wool socks I’m wearing are a bit wet, and that was when I remembered I had hot chocolate at home. As I was on my way home, I see these to people close together. What are they doing? Why are they kissing? Aren’t they a bit close? Are they friends? I don’t know what to think.

I spot someone else across the street, and I could sense their jealousy of the close two. Then I heard the the two say, “I love you, my sweet sunshine!”, at the same time, but it wasn’t exact.

They’re in love. Love! What utter bullshit. 

I hurried along the snow, almost frustrated. Okay, not almost, I was frustrated. I AM FRUSTRATED! Why am I so frustrated?! Oh I’m home. Great.

My stiff discolored hands reach for the doorknob. It’s so cold and metallic. As I open the oak doors to my home, I close it just as quickly. 

SIGH

My mind is carrying a weight that I don’t to be true. I can’t fall in love. Well, at least, I don’t think so. Oh how I wish I could feel those wonderful feelings.

I enter my disheveled room, not prepared for anything, so I collapse onto my bed in all my warm clothes. 

Wednesday, 3 am

I’m hungry. My eyes are a bit blurry, so I rub them, so I can see once again. It’s 3 AM!! My stomach hurts, so I go to the kitchen, and look at my fridge.

It’s empty. Great! Just great.

I spot a remote to left and pick it to turn on my tv, then I hear my ringer go off. It’s my best friend, Jean. Well, I have a few best friends, and I love them so much. It’s not romantic...is there a word for that? ...I mean there can’t be...can there?

I pick up my phone and this is how the conversation goes:

Me: Fitz?! Isn’t it a bit late?

Fitz: lol Jet lol, why r u up at this time?

Me: I...I couldn’t sleep. 

Fitz: lol same.

Me: Fitz, I need help? 

Fitz: okay bestie! what u need help with?

Me: Well...I think I’m broken?!

Fitz: WOAH THERE!!! Who are you and what did you do to my bestie?!

Me: pfft...OH GOD it’s 4 am already!!!

Fitz: 9 pm over here baBY!

Me: I can’t fall in love...is that bad?

Fitz: Bro...why’d u thing it was wrong?

Me: because I’ve been told that I’ll fall in love with somebody, but it is yet to happen.

Fitz: u could be...aromantic? #noromo

Me: I’ve gotta feel a little attraction...right?

Fitz: Mate, calm ya tits, and look the damn thing up!

Me: okay okay...I WILL :{

.....

...

Fitz: Good night Jet, you’re an amazing friend :O

Me: Thanks, gn

Fitz: ‘night

12 hours later

OH shit...I fell asleep with the tv on! And yesterday...oh GOD!!! I miss Fitz. They were such a good friend...and I guess I’ll take their advice...not that I want to. I open up my computer and start typing in “Signs I might be aromantic?” and “What does it mean to be aromantic?”, and lastly “Am I aro?”. I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole, but OOO!

Th-that’s me...THAT’S ME!! Fitz was right...I am aromantic.... Wait there’s other like me. THere’s a whole spectrum?! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!! WHY aren’t we taught this earlier?! If only I found out sooner...then everything would have hurt less. Well, it’s not like I can change much, so I guess I’m glad I came to this strange conclusion?

So yeah yesterday was cold, but now I feel a bit warmer knowing a bit more about myself. So HAH! Take that world! I’m gonna soar beyond and create my own path because I don’t need to fall in love to be human. Why is it shown so much though? The media is weird. Okay....a lot of things are weird.