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CW: Religious Abuse
Hey, it's my time to vent to the void called the internet. So I'm a pimo exjw and it sucks. Only recently did I realize I was in a cult but now I just feel stuck. I am forced to feign faith, hide my activities, and process alone. If I don't I will be shunned and possibly kicked out with no support.
The cult raised me with the idea that obedience was my whole worth, so my mom found me and the rest of my family easy to abuse. I can't stand having to pretend to worship the god that wanted me to let her hurt me. Even after I set boundries and shook up the status quo, my father let's her hurt him because he knows he will never be able to divorce her and wants to fix her.
I also get torn up when I think about how much being queer in that environment fucked with me. I wanted so bad to be 'normal', and tried to 'fix' myself. I was told your environment and bad habits make you lgbt and that it would probably be a phase. But then time based while I tried to be as perfect as possible. It wouldn't change. I told my parents thinking it would be a phase, who despite saying 'only acting on your feelings is bad', told me to keep it secret to avoid harrassment from other people in the cult. I was regularly exposed to anti-LGBT rhetoric and hate speech from the people closest to me.
Despite all this I wanted so bad to be good for my parents. I cringe thinking of all the things I did in that aim. Who I treated unfairly or had to abandon because they were "bad association". My experience is by no means the worst you will hear, but its telling. I've been taking a lot of comfort in the exjw community and hope this can at least validate someone else.
(no not religious texts, like stories where religion is kinda a main theme)
This is just a vent, if you’re not interested then you can ignore it.
Why do parents think it’s okay to use fear and religion to control your LGBT kid? My Mom is a Seven-Day Adventist, Dad is Catholic. Sister is still questioning religion and I’m Atheist.(Religion Will Come Important Later)
I recently had all my technology(except for my Mac because I need it for school). It was all because my Mom’s thing called “bark” screenshotted me being myself as an LGBT, MtF Trans, ND and System. And labeled my entire identity as “Sexual Content”. After this my entire parents gave me a lecture why LGBT is a perversion to God’s perfect vision. My parents were all about how LGBT people are all pedophile, and how they were a perverted group of people who wanted to always rape children. Then my entire family attacked a couple of my older best friends on discord who were LGBT and kept calling them Pedophiles who wanted to harm me and stay me away from God.
Then came me being a system, I was outed by my sister and kept saying that I didn’t “Have a personality disorder” and was just a coping mechanism. She then outed me to my parents, and they were all on how I was going to the deep-end and betraying my entire families last name.
They also have such a huge history of ableism such as saying “Autistic People get nowhere in life” or “I’m just using my “Autism” as an excuse to commit crimes” and what not.
Why am I just so abused, and harmed by this family. They say they are trying to help me but in reality they were harming me. I just want a safe space.