Rockstar!eddie Munson - Blog Posts

apocalypse

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Model! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

events of upside never happened.

The first time Ethel saw Eddie perform live, it was from backstage, tucked in the shadows where no one could see her. The energy of the crowd was electric, a thousand voices screaming his name, hands reaching, desperate for even the smallest piece of him. But he was untouchable, all sweat and leather and raw power, his guitar a weapon, his voice a battle cry.

She should have expected it, but still, it knocked the breath out of her.

She wasn’t the only one watching. There were others—groupies, roadies, industry people—but none of them saw him the way she did. None of them knew the boy beneath the stage lights, the one who got nervous before every show, who doodled in the margins of hotel notepads, who laughed until he was breathless over the dumbest jokes.

When the set ended, when the last chord rang out and the lights dimmed, he practically ran offstage, his chest heaving, hair wild with sweat. And the second he saw her, standing there with her arms crossed and that half-smile he was starting to crave, he grinned.

“How’d I do?” he asked, voice rough, still caught in the adrenaline.

She took a step closer, trailing a fingertip down the collar of his leather jacket. “You were alright.”

He scoffed, pulling her in by the waist, pressing his lips to hers. “Liar.”

She laughed, and then he was kissing her, his hands slipping beneath the thin fabric of her dress, fingertips pressing into her skin like he was afraid she’d disappear. The noise of the venue faded, drowned out by the pounding of their hearts. It was reckless. Addictive.

Later that night, curled up in the dim glow of his hotel room, she traced lazy patterns on his bare chest, the sound of his slowed breathing filling the silence. “You’re kind of unreal, you know that?” she murmured.

He caught her hand, pressing a kiss to her wrist. “You make me feel real.”

And just like that, she was his favorite addiction.

Tejano Blue

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Model! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

events of upside never happened.

They didn’t plan on seeing each other again.

But a week later, Eddie was in a different city, a different hotel, the air thick with cigarette smoke and the hum of a mixtape playing from his Walkman, when his hotel phone buzzed.

Ethel: you left your lighter in my coat. guess that means you owe me another late night.

He grinned at the note, thumbing the paper before grabbing the rotary phone beside his bed and dialing the number scrawled at the bottom.

“Hello?” Her voice was warm, like honey melting in tea.

“Guess I do,” he said, smirking into the receiver.

The next time they met, it was on the rooftop of some high-rise, the city stretched out beneath them like spilled ink. She was wrapped in a leather jacket way too big for her, one of his, even though she swore she wasn’t cold. Eddie watched as she lit a cigarette with the stolen lighter, the flame flickering against her face.

“You stole that,” he said, watching her take a slow drag.

She exhaled smoke into the night, eyes glinting. “Finders keepers.”

He laughed, shaking his head, then tugged her closer by the lapels of his own damn jacket. “Gonna have to take it back, then.”

She let him kiss her. Let him press his hands to her waist, fingertips tracing the silk beneath the leather. Let him memorize the taste of nicotine and something honey-sweet on her lips.

They sat on the edge of the building, the city sprawling beneath them like a glittering ocean. He played a song on his acoustic guitar, one he hadn’t finished yet, and she hummed along, swaying lightly, her bare knee pressed against his. When the night deepened, she fell asleep on his shoulder, and Eddie just sat there, staring at the skyline, knowing he was in deeper than he’d meant to be.

Eddie thought maybe, just maybe, he was in trouble.

Champanges Coast

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Model! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

events of upside never happened.

Eddie Munson was a rockstar now. The kind who had stadiums chanting his name, who grinned from magazine covers with rings on every finger and a cigarette hanging from his lips. But some things never changed—he still played his guitar like he was exorcising ghosts, still laughed too loud, still never really believed any of this was real.

Then he met Ethel.

She was the kind of beautiful that felt like an accident, something effortless and wild, like ink bleeding into water. An up-and-coming supermodel, fresh off the Paris runways, with sleepy eyes and a voice like a sigh. They met at some party neither of them wanted to be at—dim lights, neon flickering against velvet walls, the smell of expensive perfume and liquor hanging in the air. Eddie had been lingering by the bar, nursing a whiskey on the rocks, when she walked past him, draped in something silk and barely-there, and smirked like she knew a secret he didn’t.

“Not your scene?” she asked, leaning beside him, her presence electric.

He snorted. “What gave it away?”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her cocktail. “You look like you’d rather be anywhere else.”

“Not anywhere,” he said, and he didn’t know why he said it, but the way she looked at him made him feel like maybe he meant it.

They ended up sneaking out together. Ditching the party for the city streets, where the air was cold and sharp, where they could breathe again. The neon signs buzzed above them, painting their skin in flickers of pink and blue. They walked with no real direction, just the sound of their footsteps on wet pavement and the occasional flicker of a passing car. Eddie told her about the first time he played in front of a crowd, how he was shaking so bad he thought he’d drop his guitar. She told him about the first time she walked a runway, how the lights were so blinding she felt like she was floating.

“Still get nervous?” she asked, her voice soft.

“Every damn time.”

She grinned. “Me too.”

They ended up in some tiny 24-hour diner, sharing a plate of fries, Blondie playing softly on the jukebox. She slipped off her heels, stretching her legs across the cracked vinyl booth, her bare foot nudging against his under the table. He could still smell her perfume, something floral and sweet, and when she laughed, it curled around him like cigarette smoke.

“You’re not what I expected,” she said, tilting her head, watching him like she was trying to figure him out.

“Oh yeah? What’d you expect?”

She smirked. “More… rockstar.”

He scoffed. “Trust me, sweetheart, I’m plenty rockstar.”

“Mm.” She pretended to consider. “I don’t know… I think you might just be a boy with a guitar.”

Eddie leaned in, smirking right back. “Lucky for you, I’m both.”

And maybe it was the late hour, or the cheap diner coffee, or the way her eyes held the city lights in them, but when she reached across the table, lacing her fingers through his, Eddie Munson, rockstar, completely forgot about the rest of the world.

Hate myself for loving you!

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar! Reader

warning: language and adult themes

enemies to lovers (slow burn)

events of upside never happened.

face claims for Miranda and Mark are Maryl streep and robert di naro

border/lace credit to @benkeibear

the songs mentioned and lyrics are current songs. they ARE NOT MINE. i will be listing the songs in a separate post. but imagine whatever song in a rock/metal sound.

1989!

“absolutely fucking not.” Eddie scoffed as he glared and Mark, Corroded Coffins manager. The rest of the guys stayed absolutely quiet. “and why not Munson? mind you ever since you two started out they’ve always been on top of us no matter what! so what could possibly make you not want to make a song together! you both play the same genre so what the fuck is the problem now Munson?” Mark said as he glared at Eddie. “Problem is they are a fucking disgrace to rock music! simple.” Eddie said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“fuck no!” y/n said as she stared at Stacey in complete disgust, The girls looking over at y/n knowing the exact reason for her outburst. “and why not?” Miranda asked raising her eyebrows at y/n which wasn’t a good sign. “because… we always top their songs on the charts! we’d be doing them a favour if anything.” y/n said as she crossed her hands over her chest. Miranda wasn’t convinced. she knew there was a reason. but she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

“he threw a whole tantrum, said that he refused to sing with a bunch of disgraces to the rock world as he put it” Mark said over the phone as Miranda walked down the halls of their record label, walking back to her office as her assistant followed her. “threatening wouldn’t work….” Miranda mumbled as she moved to sit on her chair, behind her desk “i’m all out of ideas Miranda.” Robert huffed as Miranda rubbed the bridge of her nose “i’ll call you back Mark” Miranda said as she ended the call and stared at the frame on her desk. a picture of all the girls when they won their first grammy.

Eddie walked out the building and rolled his eyes as their cameras began flashing. it was a well known fact all over the world that Eddie munsons biggest enemy was paparazzi. they annoyed him too much. he put his glasses on before walking over to his car, pushing through the large crowd as he made it inside his car and drove off, not giving a fuck who was where. he just wanted to go home and relax. he took a glance at his glove box. knowing exactly what he’d hid in there. when he moved to open it he took a glance back at the street only to press on the break

1986!

Eddie ran through the hallways of hawkins, in his first, was a paper. hes going to graduate. the most important thing right now was to find her and tell her that he’d done it. that he’d passed. he’d gotten to her locker right when she did, he wrapped his arms around her and spun her around before slamming his lips against hers as she let out a fit of giggles. once he put her down he looked at her as he wore the biggest smile she’d ever seen on his face. “what?” y/n giggled as she licked her lips, wiping off her red lipstick from Eddie’s face.

“i’m fucking graduating. i passed!” Eddie smiled as he handed y/n the paper, she grabbed it her smile soon after copying the same one he had on his face. “you did it! i’m so proud of you!” she smiled as she hugged him tightly. Eddie wrapped his arms around her waist again as he felt her arms around his neck. he took in her scent as he kissed the side of her head. “and since i did, i’m taking you out for dinner and then a lovely two course desert back at my place” he teased as he bumped their noses, causing y/n to smile as she gave him a peck “i’m not apposed to the idea” she smiled before watching as Dustin ran over to the two

“watch it ya fucking asshole!” y/n yelled as she had pulled Robin back from getting run over, therefore their coffee landing all over the road. the girls were too caught up in making sure they were ok that they hadn’t noticed who the driver was. Eddie had noticed who he almost ran over, his face fell for a moment before he hit the gas and sped off. y/n glared at the car from the back cursing under her breath “i hate new yorkers.” y/n said as Robin chuckled “if you haven’t realised we are new yorkers” Robin said to which y/n rolled her eyes

“you wanna get another coffee?” Robin asked as y/n shrugged “sure, the asshole ruined mine anyway” she said as she put her hands back into her leather coats jacket as she and robin walked back into the store. Eddie gulped as he’d realised who he almost ran over, he rubbed his chest as he felt it tighten. their time together bringing tears to his eyes. it was all his fault. she hated him and it was his fault. she would never believe him. he missed her. ached for her. Eddie turned the radio on in hopes of it changing his mood. but he was met with her voice booming through the stereo. it was the song that made Glass Army the band that it is today. the song came out right after Corroded coffin released their first single, Vampire. which was dedicated to y/n. “up next! Glass Army’s hit song, I don’t care!” the radio host said as the song started.

Eddie remembers vividly the first time he heard the song. the hurt in y/n’s voice in the recording. which was kept in. it was her response to Vampire and Eddie knew it, because the cover of Vampire was a polaroid of y/n’s hand on Eddie’s guitar. her face didn’t show, it was just her hands around the neck of his guitar. they took the picture after y/n jokingly got long nails with bats on them for their prom. they looked great and that’s why Eddie took the picture, she had slipped on all his rings too. but the cover image to i don’t care was a bunch of polaroids, on fire. one of the polaroids were of Eddie’s old van and their tree carvings. of course, the E in the picture was burnt out but Eddie knew.

1986!

y/n giggled as Eddie inspected each nail “that’s so fucking cool baby” Eddie chuckled as y/n smiled, moving to peck his lips before grabbing his hands and slipping his rings off, if this was in any other instance with someone else, Eddie would’ve caused a scene at his rings being taken, but it was y/n. he’d give her his soul and organs if she asked. y/n laid on Eddie’s bed as she grabbed sweetheart from next to her, placing it on her as she wrapped her hands on its neck in a way to show off her nails, Eddie grabbed his camera and snapped a bunch of pictures.

Wayne smiled as he heard their giggles through the walls. Eddie put the guitar and camera aside before he climbed on top of y/n, his hands on either side of her head, his lips ghosting hers as she stared into his eyes. their lips connected as they moved to the rythme of ‘still loving you’ by the scorpions in the back. “you know i love you?” Eddie muttered against her lips as her lipstick smeared off, she nodded kissing him again as she wrapped her arms around his neck to keep him close “i know ed’s…i know.” she muttered back

Okay. So I’m not a fic writer but I have this idea for a Rockstar!Eddie fic. I’m debating on if I should go through with the idea. I probably wouldn’t publish it on here but on my second account. (SourCandy007 for those who are curious)

I’m hoping some other writers see this and could drop me some advice.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Modern AU.

Steve is a bit clueless about social media. He had been on it for a few years but realized it was detrimental for his mental health and went on a much needed cleanse. And besides, he would get anything truly important from Robin, and anything not so important from Dustin.

And really, Dustin is the one blamed for this whole mess. It started with a clock sounding app that Steve kind of brushed off until it was everywhere. TikTok.

He didn’t download it because he heard several rants from Robin about how she swore she was going to spend ten minutes on it before suddenly realizing hours had passed. And Steve felt glad that that wasn’t him.

But soon enough, TikTok would get a little too involved in Steve’s life.

See, unbeknownst to him, Steve was getting a little famous on the app because of Dustin Henderson. The kid had posted some video of Steve giving him a lecture about the importance of calling and texting when he gets home that had gone a bit viral.

And it wasn’t because people were agreeing with what Steve was saying. They just thought he was hot.

And Dustin thought it wouldn’t hurt if Steve just… didn’t really know about the small fame he was racking up. He worked from home anyways, and he didn’t go out in public too much to be recognized. So Dustin kept up with the videos until Steve noticed one day that his phone was pointed at him.

“I’m just saying… Dude, are you filming me?”

In the video, the phone is put down and the screen goes black before some muffled arguing is heard in the background and the phone is picked up, showing Dustin shrieking while being held back. The camera flips to reveal Steve staring at it confused. “What the hell? Is this that Tiktok app you’re talking about?”

The video cuts itself off after reaching the time limit Dustin had set. But Steve is still confused and presses on a bit about it until Dustin confesses he has a bit of a fan following. Steve is now way more than confused until Dustin shows him all the videos and comments.

Of course, that leads to another lecture that has Dustin willingly admitting to being in the wrong. But Steve, as always, gives in a little and tells the kid that if he wants to keep filming then it’s fine, “But don’t post that video.”

“I won’t. I won’t. Jeez,” Dustin promises before going to his drafts and uploading the video.

And Steve thinks that maybe that’ll be the end to it. Maybe the people won’t like him now that he’s noticed the camera.

And that is definitely not the case.

The video goes very viral because not only does it show Steve closer up, but Eddie Munson, the up and coming artist, comments on it “👀”.

And fans kind of blow up over the comment, and they beg Dustin to ask him what he thinks of Eddie and his music. Of course, Dustin is more than willingly to comply.

He goes over to Steve’s and starts filming as Steve is putting the finishing touches on a homemade pizza, so he’s a bit distracted to notice. Dustin asks Alexa to play one of Eddie’s older song that’s been climbing the charts as Eddie’s name has become more well known. Steve kind of smiles and sings the words under his breath.

“So, Steve, you like this song?”

Steve rolls his eyes as he slides the pizza into the oven replying, “You know it’s my favorite.” Then he turns to Dustin and gives him a look before saying, “I told you, if you’re filming you have to tell me-”

The video cuts off and is posted with the caption @ eddiethefreakmunson this is for you.

And Steve goes on with his life without knowing anything about the way the internet is blowing up when Eddie comments, “Please tell me he’s single.”

And Dustin, being as sneaky and subtle as he can, brings up Eddie Munson that night after seeing the comment that is posted quickly after the post - he even follows Dustin, and it takes all his willpower not to freak out in front of Steve. But Steve just shakes his head and says he has no idea who Eddie is which doesn’t surprise Dustin much. Steve was never one to really look into bands.

Dustin calmly suggests, “So, I was wondering… there’s this like thing on TikTok where people are asking their parents and grandparents to rank celebrities that they don’t know. And I thought it would maybe be cool if we made a video of that.”

Steve looks at him for a few moments and thinks about it. It’s not like anything will happen if he voices his opinions about random famous people, right?

Wrong.

He just kind of shrugs, and Dustin asks to use his phone. Steve hands it over, and Dustin quickly unlocks it.

He sets up his camera and starts recording.

“Hey, you guys know Steve here. He’s agreed to rate some celebrities today, and we’re going to start with Eddie Munson. Steve, did you know that he sings one of your favorite songs?”

Steve eyes the camera uneasily and replies, “No?”

Dustin smiles. “The one I played earlier. Your favorite.”

“Oh,” Steve replies and just shrugs. “I just know it’s by Corroded Coffin or something.”

Dustin grin gets wider. “And have you ever seen a picture of the lead singer from the band?”

Steve looks at the camera again and back at Dustin. “No? But you know this. I’m not really too big on social media.”

“Alright, so can you close your eyes while I pull up a picture of Eddie Munson?”

Steve’s eyes narrow at Dustin. “I really don’t trust you but sure.” He sighs and puts his hands over his eyes not sure how he got here.

He assumes Dustin is talking to the camera as he says, “So, this is the picture I’m going to… Focus. Come on. Damn it-”

“Language,” Steve lectures with his hands still over his eyes.

“See what I have to put up with?” Dustin asks and Steve scoffs. “Oh, finally it’s focused. It’s this picture if you’re wondering.” There’s a bit of a clatter on the table below Steve before Dustin continues, “Now, Steve, you can open your eyes.”

Steve’s hands fall down dramatically as he glares at Dustin. He can see his phone is laying on the table in front of him. “Now was that really neces…” he trails off as he looks down and slowly finishes, “sary… Woah.”

On his phone is a picture of a guy with longer hair, holding a guitar, and grinning at the camera in a genuine way that tugs at Steve’s heart. He realizes Dustin typed the name into Google and just went to images, so he swipes to look at more. He smiles and even laughs at the more ridiculous images with him sticking out his tongue and making little horns with his fingers and even one where he’s completely mid air wiping out on a small stage.

“Steve’s scrolling through all the pictures you find when you search for ‘Eddie Munson’ on Google if you were wondering what he’s looking at.”

The voice snaps Steve back to reality and he slightly startles as he looks at the camera. He feels a blush rise on his face as he asks, “Is it still recording?”

“Yes it is,” Dustin says sounding a little too proud of himself. “And Steve, what would you rate this man on a scale of one to ten?”

Steve glances back down at the picture and smiles. “This is the one who sings my favorite song?”

“Yep!”

Steve looks at the camera and says, “He deserves way more than a scale from one to ten but even then he’s always going to be off the charts.”

“So a ten out of ten.”

Steve scoffs, “An eleven at least.”

“And Steve, one last question.”

He hums in response slightly confused.

“Are you single?”

“Dude, you know I’m single. Why are you asking?”

Dustin smiles. “And that’ll do for this video!” He giggles as he ends it and types up something before posting it.

Steve feels like he’s out of the loop about something, but he’s not sure what. He decides it’s better not to ask. “No more TikTok for the rest of your visit, okay?”

“More than okay,” Dustin says with a smile before launching into the latest drama in his life. Steve settles in and listens while the pizza cooks.

Eddie has already commented, “Marry me?”

-:-:-:-:-:-

The next day, Steve wakes up to his phone blowing up with notifications, but what worries him the most is the twelve missed calls from Robin. He calls her and she immediately answers, “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Eddie Munson?!”

“I’m what?” Steve says groan and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Your name is everywhere, dingus, talking about how you’re Eddie’s TikTok boyfriend!” Robin yells.

“I thought you offloaded TikTok,” Steve replies confused.

“Oh my gosh, that is not what you should be worried about right now. Stop dodging my question!”

Steve grunts as he gets out of bed and makes his way to his coffeemaker. “Robin, don’t you think if I were dating some famous dude that I would’ve told you, my best friend?”

There’s a huff on the other line. “Well when you put it like that…”

Steve can’t help but laugh.

“Just, these sources are really convincing! Especially with all his comments on Dustin’s TikToks about you.”

Steve freezes. “He’s commented on those?”

“Yeah, dude. It’s all over how he recently commented on all videos that Dustin posted in the past few weeks saying stuff like ‘mine.’ and ‘Gareth is about to steal my phone because I can’t stop gushing over Steve.’ And blah blah blah Steve this Steve that.”

“Who’s Gareth?” Steve can’t help but ask as a bit of jealousy twists in his stomach.

“Oh my god! You cannot be jealous because of a stranger!”

“He’s a hot stranger who sings my favorite song!”

Robin laughs hard on the other line, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I can’t either,” Steve says with a laugh, fully in disbelief about it all. He almost expects Robin to tell him it’s a joke, but he puts her on speaker so he can scroll through his notifications all about Eddie Munson. He takes a deep breath and decides to Google Eddie again except this time one of the top search results is “Eddie Munson and TikTok Steve.” He clicks on it and feels his heart pound at the stupid articles that claim they’ve been dating for years and his “Marry me” comment was an actual marriage proposal.

“Oh, that is not a flattering picture of me,” Steve groans and keeps scrolls. “Shit! Robin, there’s a picture of you and me here!”

“No shit!” Robin shrieks.

Steve looks at the article and laughs, “They think that I’m straight and you’re my girlfriend.”

“No way!” Robin yells laughing. “Life cannot be real right now.”

Steve keeps scrolling until he suddenly closes out of the tab. Life really can’t be real. He takes a moment to settle in it. He’s probably going to be recognized a bit now until this whole thing dies down, and shit, they might try to dig into his personal life. Will this effect his job? His reputation? What are people going to find? Are they going to make crazy shit up about him?

Steve lets out a deep breath and runs his hands over his face. Some of the internet thinks he’s dating Eddie Munson. He scoffs at the idea but thinks about how Eddie has somehow commented on all these videos about him. But maybe he was drunk or something. Robin’s right. He doesn’t know the man.

“I’m in some deep shit, aren’t I?” Steve asks.

“We’re in this together, you know,” Robin replies. Then there’s a clattering sound and some freaking out on the other line.

“Robin?! Are you okay??” Steve yells into the phone.

“Yes! Yes! Sorry. Yes. It’s just…” she takes a deep breath. “Eddie Munson followed me on Instagram. And he messaged me. Oh my god.”

“What does it say?” Steve asks, stomach fluttering with butterflies.

“Holy shit, he wants to know if he can get your number and understands if not, but he can’t find your social media anywhere and now he’s freaking out about asking if you’re straight but then taking it back saying he doesn’t want to out you or anything. And this is actually really funny he just keeps sending stuff, but holy shit Steve! What do I say?”

Steve takes a moment to think about it. If he says no, the whole buzz will kind of die down, and his life might return back to normal. He could get Dustin to delete the videos, and maybe it would bruise Eddie’s ego but maybe the sources would just assume Steve was straight, it was some publicity stunt, or thing just didn’t work out. Everything would go back to normal, and he wouldn’t have to think about Eddie and the way some of his songs have gotten him through shit, or how his smile is easily the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen.

He takes a deep breath and replies, “Okay. Uh, give him my number.” His eyes widen. This is happening.

Robin replies, “Sent! Oh my god. This is the coolest moment of my entire life.”

There’s a notification from a new number that appears on Steve’s phone soon after that says, hi uh this is Eddie :P

“He texted me,” Steve breathes out and shakily types out Hello, I’m Steve :). “And I replied.”

There’s already the bubbles that appear as Eddie types something else before they disappear and reappear and disappear again before reappearing. A message finally appears.

How do you feel about FaceTime?

Steve stares at the message and says, “Robin, I’m going to have to call you back. I’m about to FaceTime Eddie Munson.”

Life is not real.

when the world stops turning (my heart stops beating) - pt. 4

hello yes i know it's been a while. this part has been a pain in my ass for months. i needed to get it just right and rewrote this thing so many times it's not even funny. and now, after editing it five times over the last two days, i'm just posting it. what's done is done. if i came back to it again i would have rewritten and i don't wanna do that. so here it is at least. there is also going to be at least one more part. i'm shooting for two more hopefully but i make no promises. the next part could very well be the last. i hope you enjoy :)

ao3 pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4

cw: hospitals, dissociation, mentions of overdose, addiction, sobriety, and relapse

Eddie couldn’t move. His body was fighting against every instinct he should have in the moment. Someone could throw something directly at his head, and he wouldn’t react. The buzzing voices around him faded in and out as he stared at a chip in the wood of the table in front of him.

One of Steve’s doctors had finally come to speak with them. They couldn’t say anything for certain at the moment, but he was alive, and that’s all Eddie heard before his head went fuzzy again. His mind was still reeling, caught on the fact that he should have seen this. He should have noticed. He should have been able to help Steve. He failed the only person who’d ever loved him like that, the only one who ever would love Eddie like that. Because Steve was it for him. He’d always known that. No one else would even come close. No one could ever compare to Steve Harrington.

Not only had he failed Steve, but he’d failed Robin too. He was supposed to keep Steve safe. Robin couldn’t lose her best friend; Eddie knew that. He’d promised to take care of him. He couldn’t even do that one thing right. God, what was he going to tell Robin?

They didn’t want Steve to have visitors yet. Eddie managed to gather that much at least. It was still touch and go. He wasn’t awake. They weren’t sure if he ever would be. They’re flushing his system, but it’s really just a game of wait and see. They might be able to see him in the morning, but the doctor wasn’t making any promises. It all depended on how the rest of the night went. If he made it through. They couldn’t say anything else for certain. There had been a lot of drugs in his system. He’d been deprived of oxygen for a long time. There was no way to be sure what would happen next. That was all up to Steve now.

Eddie sat there in that uncomfortable waiting room chair for hours. He didn’t move. He didn’t eat or drink. He didn’t even get up to go to the bathroom. He just sat there, staring at the same chip in the wooden table. His friends all tried their best to get through to him. They tried to coax him into eating or drinking something, but their efforts were unsuccessful. No one could get through to him, and he preferred it that way. He deserved to sit in his own silence, letting his brain run reckless and spiral to the depths of his fears and anxiety. He had failed.

He noticed that the more time seemed to pass, the antsier his bandmates got. Though, he couldn’t be exactly sure that’s what was happening. Time escaped him.

Time was such a funny thing, wasn’t it? It can feel like it speeds up, slows down, or stops entirely, but it never changes. It’s always the same. It’s all in the imagination. Eddie was never that good at telling time as a child. Even as he grew older, he found it difficult to keep track. As he sat in that hospital, his entire life on the brink of falling apart at the seams, time was nowhere to be found. Nothing made sense. He just sat silently, staring. People moved around him, time passed, but Eddie didn’t move. He was trapped. His body was at the hospital, but his mind kept bouncing around. From his mom, to Wayne, to Steve on the bathroom floor. An endless cycle. Eddie was hanging on by a single thread: the only thread of life left in Steve.

Eddie would never survive if Steve didn’t make it out alive.

Eddie was aware that a long time had passed only by the ache in his joints and the dryness of his mouth. He also sort of needed to pee, but that wasn’t important. At least, not important enough to warrant getting up. He couldn't move. He needed to stay right in that spot. Nothing was more important than that.

“Come on, Ed,” Wayne’s gruff voice said from somewhere behind him. Eddie stayed rooted to the spot. “It’s time to go, kid. We’ve gotta get to the reception.”

Eddie stood silently, staring straight ahead at the marble headstone. His mother’s name was engraved with curly letters. Eddie hadn’t known that was possible. There were piles of flowers that he knew wouldn’t be there next week. He didn’t speak. His feet were glued to the soft ground beneath him. His suit was itchy and his worn dress shoes were a size too small. The tie around his neck was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe.

He broke down right there, tears rolling down his cheeks and gasping sobs bursting from his chest. He sank down to the ground at the foot of his mother’s fresh grave, clawing at the stupid red tie that his mother had bought him two years prior and the collar of his white dress shirt. Wayne sighed softly and sat down beside him, gently pulling his hands away and shushing Eddie as he loosened the tie. He let him collapse against his chest, tie almost completely off and the first two buttons of his shirt undone. Wayne held him through each wracking sob and stuttering breath, murmuring comfort until he’d gotten it all out.

“I couldn’t do it, Uncle Wayne,” Eddie whispered hoarsely. “Why couldn’t I do it?”

“Do what, Ed?”

“Save her.”

Why couldn't he do it?

“Eddie, seriously, you need to eat something,” Jeff said, holding out a bag of chips from the vending machine. Eddie stared blankly at the bag, seeing but not really. He heard the words coming from Jeff’s mouth, but his body refused to respond. He couldn’t quite fully process what he was saying. It slipped out of his head before he got the chance, replaced with his mother’s voice, or Steve promising he was fine. He was fine. There was nothing wrong. It was just weed. Nothing more. He was fine.

He lied.

What else had Steve lied about? What else was he keeping from Eddie? Every time Steve came home late, claiming some generic excuse about work or traffic or whatever else it may have been, how often had those been lies? What had he been doing instead? Getting high? Shooting up in a parking garage somewhere? Was he ever with someone else? Someone who wasn’t Eddie?

Steve would never cheat. Eddie had to remind himself of that over and over again. Repeat it on a loop in his head. Anything to get it to stay there.

He would not cheat. He would not cheat. He would not cheat.

But he would lie.

Eddie has never been insecure about their relationship before. He loved Steve more than anything. He always knew Steve felt the same. Steve loved him. No questions asked. Eddie knew. He didn't need to be told that Steve loved him. It was just obvious. Now, though, Eddie was second guessing everything. Why would he lie? If Steve could lie so easily about something like this, what else had he lied about? Had their whole relationship been a lie? Has Steve ever told him the truth about anything?

His brain swirled with more thoughts, more insecurities. He stared at the chip in the table as he spiraled. His fingers and toes were tingling. This couldn’t be real. It had to be a dream, a nightmare. Any minute now, he was going to wake up. Everything would be fine. It was just one big nightmare. He would be laying in bed next to Steve, who would be snoring softly. He would roll over and tuck his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. He could hold him tight, bury his nose in the back of Steve’s neck and breathe in the scent of his shampoo. He could fall back into a peaceful sleep with Steve in his arms, safe and sound.

Except he wasn't waking up. No matter how much he tried, no matter how hard he willed his eyes to open, it didn't happen. He was trapped. There was no escape. Steve wasn't there. He may never be there again. This was all Eddie’s fault. If only he’d noticed. If only he cared enough. None of it was enough. Eddie wasn’t enough. He never should have expected to be enough for Steve. Steve deserved better.

Eddie never should have asked him to come on tour with them.

If Eddie hadn’t asked him to go, this never would have happened. Steve would be at home, in their apartment with Robin, probably sleeping in her room every night. He hated sleeping alone. He’d be sitting on the couch, wrapped up in one of Eddie’s hoodies and the threadbare blue blanket they took from the trailer when they moved, watching movies with Robin and a bowl of popcorn. He wouldn’t be dying in a hospital in New York. He’d be happy and safe. Eddie would miss him like hell, but at least he would be safe.

The sun was shining, blindingly bright, through the tall windows on the far wall of the waiting room when the doctor finally came back. Eddie’s knee had taken to bouncing anxiously a while ago, maybe an hour, maybe more. He can’t be sure. His brain had mostly come back online, but he still felt a little foggy. Untethered. His world was unbalanced. His ears were still ringing even as the doctor started talking. He barely heard a single word. Snippets of information filtered through the fog. Stable. Made it through the night. Up to Steve now. ICU. Visitors. The next thing he knows, Jeff is leading him through the halls with the doctor. It’s just the three of them. Other doctors and nurses bustled around them.

They finally crossed the double doors into the ICU. Eddie’s heart pounded as the doctor led them over to one of the sliding doors. She opened it, and Eddie couldn't move. He could hear the machines inside, see the edge of the hospital bed. If he turned his head a little, he knew he would see Steve. The doctor walked in and picked up the chart at the foot of the bed. She flipped it open and clicked her pen, writing things down and glancing at monitors.

“Eddie, why don't we go inside?” Jeff suggested softly, his hand on Eddie’s arm. “Steve needs you right now.”

Eddie's feet moved of their own accord, taking slow steps into the room. Jeff followed behind him, closing the door once they were both in the room. He carefully led Eddie over to the chair, giving him a light push on the shoulder to sit him down. As soon as he was close enough, Eddie grabbed Steve’s hand. An instinct he would probably always have. It didn't matter what was going on in his brain. If Steve’s hand was there, Eddie was holding it.

“Is he okay?” the doctor asked gently, nodding to Eddie.

Jeff sighed. “I hope so. This is all really hard on him.”

“How long have they been together?”

Jeff looked up, a little startled. It may have been New York, and queer relationships were a little more accepted than they were just a few years ago, but Steve and Eddie had always been careful. Cautious. They all had. But she was quick to respond before Jeff could even think to redirect.

“It’s okay, really. I know what love looks like. I would look at my partner the same way if something like this ever happened to her.”

“Oh.” Jeff glanced at Eddie, who had his eyes glued to Steve’s hand in his. “Um… it’s been almost eight years now. They’ve been through a lot together.”

She closed the chart and put it back at the end of the bed. She nodded a few times, watching the machines that beeped rhythmically. “I’m going to hold on to hope,” she said softly. “For them. For everyone like us. I can’t say anything for certain; this is all up to Steve. We’re doing everything we can. But I’m holding on to hope.”

“I guess that’s all any of us can do now, isn’t it?”

“I think so.” She cleared her throat and took a step back from the bed, turning to Jeff. “I have other patients to round on, but I’ll be back to check up on everything in a couple of hours. If you guys need anything, just let one of the nurses know.”

“Thank you.”

Silence fell through the room as the doctor left. Jeff took the chair in the corner, letting Eddie have whatever time he needed. He was mostly there for Eddie’s sake; someone had to make sure he would be okay until Wayne got there. Truthfully, they were all out of their depths here. No one really understood what was happening in Eddie’s brain. Not even close to the way Wayne would.

They sat there in total silence for a long time. It's unclear to Eddie just how long, but long enough that Jeff had gotten up four times. Once to get food, once for the bathroom, and twice to hit vending machines and coffee. Not that Eddie accepted anything Jeff offered him. His body still felt wildly disconnected from his brain. His limbs were heavy. He also knows it's been long enough that nurses have come in to check on Steve eight times, and his doctor has been back once. It seems the only thing Eddie’s mind can keep track of is how many times someone has entered or exited Steve’s room in the ICU.

Jeff gets up for a fifth time. Another bathroom break, from the few words Eddie managed to retain. The door slid shut behind him, and Eddie was alone again. He squeezed Steve’s hand three times, desperate for any sign that he's still there. That he's fighting for Eddie. Nothing happens. The machines beep. His chest rises and falls rhythmically with the calculated breaths of the ventilator. Steve’s eyes shift beneath his eyelids, but they don't open. They won't open. The door slid open again, and Eddie assumed Jeff was back, though it seemed like he wasn't gone very long. And then he hears it.

“Oh, God.”

Eddie’s head shot up at the sound of Robin’s shaky voice behind him. She looked wrecked. Her face was blotchy, her eyes puffy and red. There were tear tracks down her cheeks. Wayne was standing beside her, looking somber. He watched her take a rattled breath, crossing the room slowly. Her eyes don't leave Steve. Wayne followed a few moments later, coming to stand behind Eddie and put a hand on his shoulder. Eddie wanted to break. As if he hadn't been slowly breaking this whole time.

“They- they said it was an overdose?” Robin asked softly, her voice cracking at the end. Eddie merely nodded, still trying to find his voice. “What- what happened, Eddie? Was it- was he drugged? How- how did this- did he relapse?”

“Relapse?” Eddie croaked, his voice hoarse from disuse. That didn't make any sense. For Steve to relapse, he would have to be…. “He- he was clean?”

Robin frowned, and her gaze finally found Eddie. “What do you mean he was clean? He's been clean since ‘85, Eddie. I- I helped him, after Starcourt.”

All the air left Eddie’s lungs in an instant. This was all his fault. Steve was- he was clean. Sober. And Eddie ruined that. He gave Steve weed. He brought him on tour. He took him to parties full of temptation. He killed Steve.

“This is all my fault,” he whispered.

“Eddie, you have to tell me what's going on,” Robin begged. “When did he relapse? Why didn't he call me? He promised he would talk to me if he wanted to get high again.”

“I- Oh, God. I didn't know. He- he didn't tell me.” Eddie couldn't breathe. His heart squeezed in his chest, and his lungs pushed the air from his body until there was nothing left. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't get it back. He was already hyperventilating. “This is all my fault. Oh my god, it's all my fault.” He was distantly aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks again.

Wayne stepped between Eddie and Robin, crouching down to look up into his nephew's face. His hands were solid against Eddie’s skin, just like they always were. “Ed, you need to talk to me. Take a breath, kid. I'm right here, but you have to tell me what's going on.”

Eddie’s breath stuttered halfway through his chest. “I didn't know, Wayne.”

“What didn't you know, Eddie?”

“I didn't- I didn't know he was sober. I- I thought I- I was just trying to help. I- I gave him weed. I did this.”

Robin’s expression hardened. “You did this to him?”

“I'm so sorry,” Eddie choked out between sobs. “I didn't- I didn't know. I was just trying to help. And- and then he- I knew he wasn't telling me something, but- but he promised it was just weed.”

“Get out.” Robin’s voice was firm, but he could hear the trembling fear behind it.

“What? I-”

“Get out. Get out, right now. You did this, Eddie. He was doing so good until he met you! And now he's dying! So get the hell out, before I make you!"

It was at this moment that the door opened for Jeff’s return. He paused just inside the doorway. Wayne stood up, facing Robin.

“Now, Robin, I think-”

“I don't care!” Robin’s hands were shaking. “This is his fault! I want him out, right now! Or I swear to God, Wayne, I'm going to kill him.”

Wayne glanced back at Jeff, who was the perfect picture of confusion. “Jeff, take Eddie into the hall.”

“What-”

“Don't ask questions right now,” Wayne said sternly with a shake of his head. “Just take him to the hall. I'll be out in a moment.”

As soon as the door shut behind them, and Jeff had led Eddie a little ways from the room, he finally snapped. His knees gave out from underneath him, and Jeff was the only thing holding him up as he sobbed.

This was all his fault. He killed Steve.

First his mom, now the love of his life. It was all his fault.

-----

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