Sp Cartman - Blog Posts

It Backfired

Cartman: Hey, Timmy. Who’s the first person that comes to mind when you hear the word gay?

Timmy: Timmy.

Cartman, laughing his ass off: Wow, I didn’t know you were so confident with your homosexuality! Good for you, fag!

Jimmy: Th-that’s not what he said.

Cartman: I’m pretty sure everyone here can vouch for me that he said his name.

Jimmy: Y-yeah, but he was talking ab-bout you, Eric.

Cartman: Yeah, right. As if Timmy would even consider me of all people to be-

Timmy: *smirks and points to Stan across the room*

Cartman, narrowing his eyes: Oh, you little shit.

My favourites - South Park

I know absolutely nobody asked for this but I’ve decided to expose myself so awaaaay we go!

Favourite kids:

5. Kenny

4. Stan

3. Craig

2. Jimmy

1. Timmy (Literal angel. Best boy)

Favourite Adult:

Miss Havisham (I know that she was only in that one episode about Pip but that was all it took for her to be my favourite)

Favourite Sibling:

Shelly

Some of My Favourite Episodes: (sorry I put so much)

The Jeffersons

Cartman Joins NAMBLA

Tweek vs. Craig

A History Channel Thanksgiving

Asspen

Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers

Helen Keller! The Musical

Pandemic Part 1 & 2 (counting it as one because I can)

Timmy 2000

Fourth Grade

Good Times With Weapons

I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining

Krazy Kripples

It’s Christmas In Canada (I fucking adore the Canadians)

Favourite Songs:

5. Why Can’t I Be Like All The Other Kids? (Token)

4. Put It Down (Craig, Tweek, other students)

3. Out Of My Shell (Larry)

2. Queef Free (Men of South Park)

1. Christmas Time In Hell (Satan)

Favourite Game:

The Fractured But Whole

Bonus~

Favourite Ships:

Stanman (Stan x Cartman)

Jyle (Jimmy x Kyle)

Creek (Craig x Tweek)

Clenny (Clyde x Kenny)

Special K (Mysterion x Dr. Timothy)

Pete x Michael

Once again, no one asked! I just wanted to say this! If you agree/disagree with any of these, let me know!

I never would of that I'd make... cartman angst?? But here I am, Cartman is a W character btw y'all but he's not angst material. Anyways R.I.P Chef 🙏🏽

What do y'all think cartman's favorite yaoi is?

good luck, jew!

It's fine, it's kewl

not over dramatic... ✨I DO WHAT I WANT✨

Art by me, originally posted on reddit

south park au design notes + headcanons hehe

Transfem Kyle hcs pt2 bc I need to talk man

I said in my previous post that she came out to Kenny first but I didn’t really elaborate on it dbbd

I think it was either during or after the sot saga

She was probably asking Kenny about how it felt being/playing a girl and the conversation evolved to her just saying smth like “doesn’t everyone want to be a girl sometimes?”

I don’t personally hold the genderfluid Kenny hc but it would fit here as well lol

She came out to Stan next then Ike, her parents and Stan probably just let it slip to cartman on accident

Maybe she went to talk with Wendy or smth but I can’t see it

The others probably found out when they started playing tfbw and cartman refused to let Kyle play

Stan maybe tried to be like “just let her play” and cartman was like “she’s a girl, I’m not letting her play”

They didn’t let Wendy play so I don’t see much of a difference here

Kyle just got tired of the in fighting and decided to not play, that’s probably when she started to hand out with the girls

Wendy definitely offered her a position as callgirls partner or smth

She didn’t want to tho bc she didn’t want to deal with cartmans shit lol

Im not a big style shipper (cough kyvid/k2 cough) but I do think cartman would up the dating jokes especially when Stan and Wendy are broken up

She plays volleyball bc I don’t see a universe where she’s a cheerleader

Also thank you for the support on these I genuinely didn’t expect any attention bdbd

If you have any questions about my hcs just ask and I’ll probably answer 🙏

South Park but it’s my very self indulgent au

Transfem Kyle hcs bc im insane about her

I think Ky would would either come out fairly soon or be in denial for a long ass time

I like the idea that she comes out before they start playing heroes, bc like… they can say she can’t play bc she’s a girl and she gets to be gender affirmed but also really mad

Ky never getting to know who Mysterion is bc she didn’t play heroes is funny to me so I just say she gave up eventually

I don’t see her suddenly becoming close with the girls but I do see some of the girls trying to befriend her

I think it would be cute if Bebe and Nicole were her friends tho… they could teach her to actually take care of her hair

I also think the girls tried to convince her to become a cheerleader but she went to the volleyball club instead

Maybe Stan tried to act overprotective over her when she came out but Ky probably shut it down very quickly dbbd

Ky coming out to Kenny on accident first bc she thought she thought everyone wanted to be a girl and told Kenny as much

Cartman rags on her but isn’t really actively transphobic or anything, she calls her by the correct pronouns and name

He probably goes “emm actually” on ppl who get her pronouns wrong to feel morally superior or smth

I think her and Wendy are probably friends, they probably talk about Stan a lot (not style)

I think the saddest thing is that the only one who remembers is fucking Cartman of all people who just doesn't care

Ha thinking about the time when Mysterion was trying to talk to his friends about him dying all the time and how during his emotional blowup he let's out "And it won't go away and nobody will believe me!"

Which kind of implies that Kenny has at one point or another tried to tell his friends or attempted to ask them or anyone if they remembered anything about him dying in front of them to which they either thought he was insane, joking, or he had to brush it off "…oh maybe it was just a really bad dream I had…forget it."

This poor cursed child needs somebody to relate/talk to.

I forgot that Cartman in canon just keeps a scrapbook full of all the ships he's forced together

AWWW🥹🥹🥹

i definitely agree with OP’s headcanon (IN TAGS) omgg. liane strikes me as having led a VERY lonely life and i think having her son was really the first time she didn’t feel so alone

i will never be normal about liane 😭

What else can you do when you have just discovered love?

got the goofiest ahh pipes today🥺

can't use em tho rip

How I feel when wearing glasses

Enjoy pookies

I love these little suckers sm

Day 43 🌸

Drawing south park side characters is so much fun

HERE YOUR DIPBERT REQUEST (I'm so tired and my hand in cramping)

A couple of sketches I made while watching South Park

It’s still pride month, right?

guys i actually love canon leslie/kyle so much I MEAN YES kyman is my only otp with kyle, but out of all his other love interests i think leslie is the most interesting one

MAYBE i’m a bit biased cuz i love leslie a lot, but, well… i just like how kyle literally ignores any common sense and goes against his bff cuz of leslie? like, i need a whole ass au where leslie doesn’t get killed and kyle is “dating” her, being torn apart by how he likes her and how he feels like she’s trying to hide who she really is AND AND AND…

idk it’s just kinda interesting to see kyle forgetting about his brutal logic and going against his friends because of love. i think it’s a pretty interesting side of kyle and we don’t get to see it much… (though we see some glimpses of it when he’s around cartman)

Choose and give me your reasons why.

cartman uses voice messages all of the time. sometimes kyle gets tons of notifications to see that cartman has sent him, like, twenty voice messages, each is at least two minutes long, and there’s literally ZERO useful or even remooootely informative in them

and yes, kyle hates it, but he always listens to them anyway, sometimes he even gets distracted and listens to cartman’s voice for an hour while cleaning up his room or doing homework. he chuckles when cartman there says something funny, and rolls his eyes every time cartman says something dumb, though he rarely actually says anything back.

sometimes cartman mentions something serious or genuine, and it catches kyle off guard literally every damn time. cartman is like

“*ten minutes of absolutely horrific fucked up shit* Btw u sounded pretty kewl at school today at the history lesson lol i guess sometimes ur nerdiness can be an advantage. You’re pretty smart, I mean… *another ten minutes of meaningless bs*

and every time kyle gets surprised like

k: did u just compliment me?

c: what no i didnt

k: no u totally did! 8:46 see?? i even re-listened it!

c: DID U LISTEN TO IT TWICE??

k: I HAD TO MAKE SURE.

that was a reallyyyyy long hiatus of mine. all i have is kyman styff sooo. :d

some panderverse some memes some other weird things sorry guys

i like how every time kyman are in a deadly serious situation cartman is always the one to be helpful, he’s willing to stop their fighting and he even lets himself say something nice and genuine.

and that makes me think that when they grow up and kyle eventually gets in a reaaaally shitty situation when he needs help, cartman will be the one to immediately get serious and help him with anything that’s possible. (if kyle accidentally fucked up and committed a crime, cartman would totally be the one to help him cover everything up)

he can be serious when he realises kyle actually needs his help (but of course he’ll laugh and mock him after taking care of everything, and maybe he’ll even ask for a payment just because he’s still an asshole lmao)

examples under the cut: imaginationland, bigger longer uncut, kenny dies, SMUG ALERT!!!!!

in addition: cartman, surprisingly, is very sentimental, and he was pretty open about his feelings in first seasons (bigger longer uncut, kenny dies, tourette syndrome, conjoined fetus lady, etc.) but none of the boys really appreciated it, always making fun of cartman’s genuine expression of his positive emotions, and it makes him bottle up those nice things he want to say.

the best proof of this theory is definitely “tourette syndrome” where he says all those sincere things to kyle (“i love you kyle, you must really care about me”) at the exact moment when he was physically unable of lying or hiding his true thoughts.

summing up, cartman thinks of his friends (and kyle especially) much more than he tries to show it and you all gotta admit it.

after watching new special for the second time and seeing kyle getting unreasonably mad at cartman all the time through the episode, i finally came to a conclusion that, if you think that kyle at that moment just started to understand his own feelings for cartman, it all starts to make sense.

the way he gets all angry at him for literally no reason (more than ever), how he doesn’t really mind hugging him, how it’s mostly him who’s against the “new cartman” cuz it’s not his normal cartman, and so on, so on.

maaaybe im being a bit delusional and digging into this way too much, but guys. from now on i can’t see the latest episodes as anything but “kyle finally having a moment of realisation”. it’s a new kyman arc <3

i can’t stop thinking that, as the series continues, we’re getting more and more kyle being really involved into everything that is related to cartman. remember the first, uh, i don’t know, ten seasons? what was the scheme? “cartman does something bad, kyle gets involved because of his sense of justice”, right?

but now cartman doesn’t even have to do ANYTHING bad for kyle to interfere like dude??? he was just talking with no harm caused WHY WOULD YOU GET SO MAD FOR NO REASON, KYLE

and i keep seeing this tendency especially strong ever since the season 20/21 when there was a heiman arc, and i LOVE it so much because it’s so funnier and kyman-like now im losing my mind

we’re getting obvious hints from mattrey guys mark my words

i have no idea if anyone remembers that kyman university au of mine but im still hyperfixating on it so just a smaaaall piece of a funny dialogue aka “everyone thinks kyle and cartman were dating”

***

"Dude, I'll beat you in every debate," Cartman chuckled smugly.

Kyle shook his head proudly, giving him a haughty look.

“You? Beating me? You must have forgotten that I was the head of the debate club at school”.

Cartman's eyes flashed with a predatory gleam, and he readily extended his hand to Broflovski, as if he had been waiting for that. The air between them seemed to sparkle with tension, and Kyle grabbed his palm defiantly.

"A bet, then?" Kyle nodded, and the audience – their classmates standing behind him — enthusiastically supported them.

“In case of loss, you suck my balls, Kaaahl”, Cartman smiled nastily, watching as Kyle nodded eagerly by inertia, and then, having realised the last remark, went furious, indignantly opening his mouth.

“What the fuck?! Do you think I'll fall for it again?”

The crowd behind him gasped in shock, and Kyle instantly blushed, turning to them in a mute attempt to defend himself. Rebecca squeaked "again?" in surprise, and Cartman, as if he knew that this would happen, sighed sympathetically:

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kyle... Sorry, guys, he doesn't really like to remember this episode of our life, you know?”

***

i LOVE that it’s pretty canon that because of kyle people usually think there’s something between him and cartman (“this two brave lovers…”, “oh, so you two are like this, huh?🤨” in the “Tonsil Trouble”) AND CARTMAN NEVER DENIES IT