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Therapist, on a meeting with Reid : And what do we do when we are sad ?
Reid : Get a new PhD.
Therapist : No-
Morgan : Flirt with cute girls.
Therapist : ...What ? Wait, where did you come from ?
Garcia : Buy way too much cute stuff to forget.
Hotch : Work way too much.
Rossi : Hyper focus and be paranoid about killers.
Therapist, clearly not ready for this, or for people popping out of nowhere : Wait-
Emily : Fake death while getting high.
JJ : Close up and be completely silent.
Therapist :
Therapist, throwing their files on the ground : ...Nope. I quit.
Hotch : Do you want to talk about your mental state, Prentiss ?
Emily : No.
Reid, spinning around in his chair to face them : I do !
Hotch, sighing : I know, Reid.
Reid : I'm sad !
Hotch : I know, Reid...
Reid : I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let's go for 12 more.
Garcia : ...Hun, that's a coma.
Reid : Fancy name for a nap.
Morgan : You know what sucks ?
Reid, without looking up from his chess game : Vacuum.
Morgan : No- In a metaphorical sense ?
Reid : Black hole.
Morgan :
Morgan : You know what isn't cool ?
Reid : Lava.
Morgan : ...I swear there's a special place in hell for you. Smartass.
The rest of the team in the jet : giggles, Hotch fist-bumping Reid.
Garcia, pouring honey into her tea : hell yeah get into that leaf juice you sexy bee sauce
Reid : ...Do you take constructive criticism on your sentences
Garcia : No.
Reid : Remember when "A series of unfortunate events" was a book series and not my life ? Because I don't.
Rossi, finding Reid laying face down on the floor : You okay ?
Reid : I'm depressed
Rossi : Lol me too
Rossi : Wait no, hi depressed, I'm dad.
Rossi : No- What's wrong ??
Reid : Affection is DISGUSTING.
Reid : Drown me in it
Rossi, first day with the team, witnessing the fire goblin (Emily), the muscular only boy (Morgan), the emotional support baby (Garcia), the fucked up mentally baby (Reid), the mom (JJ) and the dad (Hotch).
Rossi :
Rossi : What, from the bottom of my heart, the FUCK.
Morgan : Change is inedible.
Reid : Don't you mean inevitable ?
Morgan, spitting out a bunch of pennies : I do not.
Reid : So, you all talk about "top or bottom" all the time, so I did some research, and I want to know what you guys are, top or bottom ?
Morgan and JJ, confused
Reid : Personally, I prefer the top bunk. I'm scared of it falling on me when I sleep on the bottom.
Morgan : ...I'm gonna tell him.
JJ, grabbing his arm : Don't you dare.
Reid : Will I end this case or will this case ends me ? Stay tuned
Reid : Does something stupid
JJ : What an absolute fucking idiot
JJ : Can't believe I'd die for him
Reid : My bones are almost clean
Hotch : Huh ??
Reid : Wait, did I not tell you guys about the bones ??
Morgan : What does that even mean ?
Emily : And you guys are calling ME the insane one.
Strauss : So, did none of you noticed that it was a bad idea ?
Rossi : Oh, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway.
Morgan : What's the word for when hands are bisexual ?
Reid : ...Do you mean ambidextrous ?
Reid : I would die for you
JJ : Yeah but, you want to die everyday so that doesn't mean much
Reid :
Reid : I would live for you
JJ, gasping : You would WHAT
JJ : Fuck
Hotch : Language !
Spencer : Shit
Hotch : Language !
Emily : Who the fuck do you think you're calling a bitch, you ass ?
Hotch : Language !
Morgan : Now that's one crazy motherfucker
Hotch : Language !
Garcia : What the frick frack tickity tic tac snik snak bro ?
Hotch :
Hotch : What the fuck ?
Reid : You have to learn to love yourself.
JJ : Don't you like, hate yourself ?
Reid : Yes, but we're talking about you, focus.
Reid : Life is just like a game of chess.
Morgan : I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY CHESS
Reid : Do you ever get water hungry ?
Hotch : ...Thirsty ?
Reid, nodding : Water hungry.
Emily : What will you do if I was kidnapped ?
Hotch : I'll let them keep you.
Reid : And me ?
Hotch : Nothing. I'll wait 30 minutes until they let you go voluntarily.
Emily : Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve
Reid : You mean cards ?
Emily, slowly sliding a knife out of her sleeve : No, I do not.
Reid : I am smartest, wisest person of this group.
Rossi : Kid, is your hand stuck in this vending machine ?
Reid : I paid for my bag of candy, I'm getting my bag of candy.
Rossi : Here's another one, what does "take out" mean ?
JJ : Food.
Morgan : Dating.
Reid : Murder.
Emily : All three if you're not a coward.
Rossi : If we put Reid and Emily in a room, who would come out crying first ?
Hotch : The room.
Reid : WELCOME TO APPLEBEE'S, DO YOU WANT APPLES OR BEES ?
Morgan : What.. Bees ??
Reid : HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES
Morgan : No it wasn't-
Reid, approaching while violently shaking a jar full of bees
Morgan : WAIT-
Reid : There's nothing worse than someone using big words that they don't understand just to look smart.
Morgan, nodding : I photosynthesize with this.
Garcia, aggressively throwing bottles at the team : HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE
Morgan : What's up with her ?
Garcia : I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU, YOU ALL DESERVE LOVE
JJ : She's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Reid, crying : ᴵᵗ'ˢ ʷᵒʳᵏᶦⁿᵍ
JJ : Spence why are you putting Garcia on a lock down ?
Reid : Because her smile is contagious and I'm trying to be SAD HERE.