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this is now canon for me. i have decided.
Not to Voyage Home post… but I do think that Spock’s refusal to call Kirk “Jim” throughout the film—when we had seen him remember that name already, in tsfs—is down to his wariness surrounding their intimacy
He doesn’t know who he himself is, or how to parse his own current emotions, so how can he possibly contextualize twenty years worth of feelings for Jim?
He remembers falling in love with him, the slow yearning of their five year mission spent in that strange place between best friends and lovers; he remembers the decision to go to Gol, to excise those feelings, and the failure there that drove him back into Jim’s waiting arms; he remembers the decade since then spent wrapped up in each other, a life full of warm affection and love. Love. He remembers being in love. T’hy’la, ashayam, I shall always be yours kind of love.
But that can’t be right, can it? Can it? Can he take that risk again? Does he even still want to? What does he want? What is wanting? And how is he supposed to figure it out when every time Jim smiles at him, he recalls another memory of the two of them together?
What right does he have to claim this man? He barely knows him, compared to the self from his memories who considered Jim his other half.
It doesn’t feel right to call him “Jim”, not when he’s not sure how he feels. It feels too much like giving both of them false hope.