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We don't talk enough about the implications of the annual Thanksgiving presidential turkey pardon
The thing that the turkey is getting pardoned /from/ is being Thanksgiving dinner, the thing the turkey is being pardoned for is a mystery. What are turkeys' crime that gives them the death penalty unless pardoned mr president? Is being a turkey an inherent crime? They were nearly the national bird!
Also, after a turkey attacked a president during the pardon ceremony, the turkeys that will be pardoned in the future are bred and raised to be docile and calm in front of large crowds and next to the potus, indicating that birds can be artificially selected to be genetically capable of being legally freed from their original sin of being born a turkey