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Wordsandallfeelings - Blog Posts
It’s suffocating,
loud and exhausting.
It’s a downward spiral
And I let myself fall
In the rabbit hole.
A space of my heart,
Locked away.
For oh so long.
You knew about it
And you question
The small confine
Where you belong.
You hold the power
Over me
No one ever had,
Will ever have.
Am I just
Punishing myself?
Not making peace
With the choice
I’ve made.
How come
You don’t want me
In your life?
When I will
Welcome you
In my arms
A thousand times.
I am a bus stop, so you weren’t supposed to stay.
Whispered goodbyes,
with a promise to meet
The day came,
along with cold feet
I see your smile,
not reaching your eyes.
With a heavy heart,
this is where we part.
I hope you never think of me.
You know what’s the worst of crying?
It’s when you try to steady your breath, a tear escapes your eyes and suddenly you are a god damn waterfall.
It’s when a sound must escape your chest and you have this urge to stop it in your throat.
It’s when you can’t breathe out loud cause you know you’re gonna be on full bawling.
It’s when you have to put a hand over your mouth or bite something just to suppress everything and hope that if something else hurts you won’t notice the pain eating you inside.
It’s when your head starts to ache and hope you just fall asleep while holding tightly to your pillow or a blanket.
It’s when the world is quiet and the only noise you hear is coming out of you.
It’s when you thought you already healed and you remember the pain you’ve already forgotten.
It’s the worst of crying because while you want to release everything you can’t go looking at the past like it’s not affecting your present.
It’s the worst because no one can know. Not that you’re being stubborn or putting a brave face, it’s the worst because you chose to do it alone. Because you actually know what to do, you just don’t know how.
Tonight’s drama is on me. I dwell on it and guess whose heart hurts now? 🤷🏽♀️
A gentle reminder of us
“I would’ve love you for the wrong reasons, and I would’ve love you more for the right reasons. But one thing is for sure, we will tear and break each other apart.”
You are always at the back of my mind. Like a flicker of light I can’t seem to fix.
Is this still a part of moving on or I’m still a fool for you
Anguish cry and silent sobs,
With a heavy chest,
And I silently pray.
Are You gonna take me away?
And I say,
Please not today.
I’m not okay.
But I’m here to stay.
Wrote this in seconds for the worst breakdowns I had this weekend. I’m not getting any better. I’m sure of that. It’s hard to stay on both feet when I don’t even know where this is all coming from. So please, if you know someone with struggles. Don’t invalidate them with mocks and taunts. You help in any way you can. We’d appreciate that.
More willing to let go than hold your hand.
Had to give myself a chance to live without you
“I never really stopped. You know? Loving you. It’s just... I’m better off without you.”
If she ever asks when I stopped loving her
“But you’re allowed to be you, to be spontaneous.” And still I wonder why I sought for your approval.
I am allowed to be me. Never again should I allow you to enter my state of mind. You aren’t the boss of me.
And suddenly you can’t run from it anymore. You face it not to just overcome it, you face it just to end a suffering.
I still don’t know what my “it” is
Sober enough to check up on them at 4 in the morning.
The detachment that comes with love is unimaginable.
It’s what after of the aftermath of falling out. I wish it wasn’t with you.
Do you ever get the feeling of “on the verge of being distant” to a person you’ve become so closed with and the anticipation it comes with kills you and you feel heavy inside
It happened too soon when it shouldn’t.
There was a reason why I stayed silent over the past few months. I know that when I open up and speak, I’d only tell stories of you. That’s not part of my moving on.
It’s part of I’m falling into you all over again, I’m afraid there’s no getting up.
2017 thoughts written on December 1: It’s the kind of happy - or maybe maybe not happy. But just feeling. All feeling. The feeling where you feel relieved that you are in the moment. Alive and breathing and fighting.
2018 thoughts written on February 1: Breathe. Free trial of 2018 just ended. You’re gonna be in for a year of self love and drive yourself to be better.
How did 2017 break me though
It’s okay that I am alone. I am free and I get to own my freedom. I admit, it feels lonely sometimes. But, I get to know myself a little better and I get to grow on my own. This is an achievement for me, really. To know and focus my value without someone else’s help.
It came up to my mind when people around me talks about wanting to be in a relationship. I mean, we gotta love ourselves before we love someone else, right?
There’s something I have to write using my thoughts.
If you ever find yourself unable to get up in the morning, catch yourself lying on your bed or staring at the ceiling for hours, I am here to tell you that it’s okay. The world may have already begun but even the sun take its time to rise. Take your time. Gather yourself. Close your eyes. Breathe.
Why is it not easy in the morning?
After all these years,
I still yearn for you.
And after all these years,
Hope you brought a part of me
Even at the end of our story.
Whole world out there, but still I want one with you in it
I promise you, I won’t be far from where you left me.
I just hope you find me
See? The thing about you is you never really left. You have given me more than just a scar and I wish you didn’t.
Isitjustme
Dreaming about you made my mind not to wake up from it.
It was a moment between the day and night, In between lunch and dinner time, It comes when you least expect it. But you just had to know, You have to keep going ;
“You are more than enough and so much more.”
Words you need to hear coming from your own mouth
We were shadows in the dark, Full of life and so in love. But, why do we part at day? Tell me, love, why can’t you stay.