Zhou Shu Yi - Blog Posts

Can you talk more about “I don’t want to fall for a man” because I am curious about your thoughts!

OOooh YES I CAN!

So I am an out and proud bi woman, and I grew up in a household where my parents (even my terrible one) told me it was okay to be gay. 

BUT I also grew up in a conservative town full of anti-gay rhetoric and lots of conservative ideas, so no matter how much my mum told me “it’s okay if you like girls” everything outside the walls of my house told me that that wasn’t true. 

I didn’t hate gay people, I wasn’t outwardly homophobic, in fact I outwardly was very supportive of the lgbt+ community, but the internal homophobia was VERY real. I convinced myself that everyone looked at girls like that, that even if you’re not gay, everyone knows that girls are just attractive, that’s just a fact. In my defence, it is, but I digress. 

There’s an annoying trope that comes up in so many Thai BLs like “I’m not gay I just like [INSERT NAME HERE]” because as everybody knows, you’re 100% straight if you are in love with, live with, marry and grow old with another man. These are indisputable facts. 

Almost none of them ever say they are bi or demi or pan, it’s pretty much always “not gay just you” or “oh I’m gay now, weird that” despite expressing interest in only women before that, and firstly that’s a massive amount of biphobia so jot that down. Secondly, it’s an incredibly heterosexual way to portray lgbt+ stories, and it’s honestly just boring to see at this point, like I had such high hopes for Tonhon Chonlattee and then it played itself out in the straightest way possible and I was just sort of baffled? by the time it finished. 

But Zhou Shu Yi doesn’t say “I’m not gay” he says “I don’t want to fall for a man”. When he tells Gao Shi De he has feelings for him, he doesn’t say “I’m not gay I just like you” he says “Because it’s you. I have no choice.” and those are VERY VERY different things. 

“I don’t want to fall for a man” is the kind of phrase that I think almost everyone in the lgbt+ community has thought some variation of. It’s something I thought a lot growing up - “I don’t want to like girls” “I don’t want to be a lesbian” “I don’t want to have a crush on [insert name here]”. I imagine - although I can’t confirm this - that it is NOT a phrase that straight people would be so intimately familiar with. For straight people who never question their sexuality, the statement would be “I’m not gay” not “I don’t want to be gay”. 

Why would you worry about wanting something if you know you don’t?

It’s a fear response to knowing you have those feelings but not wanting to address it: “I don’t want to feel that way because if I admit that I do, then it’s admitting that I’m different and that my life is going to change.”

And when Gao Shi De says “I thought you didn’t like boys” Shu Yi doesn’t say “I don’t, I just like you” he says “Because it’s you.” It’s not a dismissal of queer feelings or people, it’s an admittance that Gao Shi De is the thing that makes him stop wanting to suppress the thought of falling for a man, that he’s already fallen so there’s no point trying to run away from it anymore. 

Honestly it’s some of the best bisexual/demisexual representation I’ve ever seen? On this tiny Taiwanese BL with nowhere a big enough fanbase that deserves WAY more? and I just… It made me feel SO seen, it acknowledged a part of queer culture that I don’t often see on TV, even in BLs and I think that’s beautiful.