Batfam Quotes As Things My Family Has Said

Don't we all love some chaotic siblings shenanigans at the gala?

Ah! The annual Wayne gala...

Every year, Bruce Wayne attempts to throw a normal gala.

You, know. The kind every other billionaire throws.

But somehow

Somehow

Something weird happens.

Whether Damian lets Batcow into the ballroom, or Steph sets off the sprinkler system, or (God forbid) Jason mixes laxatives into the cake; something always goes wrong.

And. It. Is. Always. His. Kids'. Fault.

It's become a running joke in the media!

"The Wayne Kids at it again!!! Read their latest gala antics below!"

Bruce just wants to jump into that bottomless pit in the Batcave...

Why WHY are his... lovely children like this? Can't they just give him some peace.

Of course not, Dick is sitting on the chandelier and everyone is staring.

Dick waves at him.

He can only stare blankly until Tim comes over and hands him a cup of coffee, Tim holding one himself.

Not really a typical gala drink, but he deserves it. Takes a big drink and almost spits it out. He give Tim and incredulous look.

The coffee is spiked.

He can't tell if it has monster, whisky, or a fucking 5 hour energy in it though.

Tim just shrugs and takes the cup back.

"More for me"

Cass walks over and gives him a pity pat on the shoulder.

God help him.

He loves these kids.

But God help him...

You know what!!! Fuck having to be traumatized/mentally ill in order to see how the world "really" is!!! Yes the world is cruel as FUCK, but to hell with believing that the world is beautiful is a sign of being naive!! It's not correct that the world is terrible, nor is it correct that the world is fantastic!!!¡¡!! Nothing is black and white, so don't yall come at me and say that I'm naive/dumb/not struggling w life/ been brainwashed by the government when I say that

The world is fucking beautiful!!!

And I WILL continue to say that it is, and if yall don't vibe, then that is valid too! It's a matter of perspective, and since there is no "right" perspective, then this is what I choose to believe.

Ok, but like...

Damian being a stabby murder baby, BUT ALSO the quirky art kid.

Everyone at his school (he goes to in-person school, sue me) is TERRIFIED of him, and rightfully so.

One time he stabbed a classmate with a paintbrush after they knocked into his art table and spilled his paint across his canvas. Do you know how hard it is to stab someone with s paintbrush?

NO ONE goes into Damian’s art studio (except for Alfred because he runs the manor). Tim goes looking for the belongings that Damian steals from him in the studio. He comes out with nasty bruises every time.

But the thing is, Damian creates the most beautiful things! The rest family is astounded by what can create. How can Mr.Iwillstabyouifyoulookatmewrong paint such an elegant recreation of Titus' face!?

Everyone eventually stops questioning it.

Batfam quotes as things my family has said

Dick: *walks outside without a coat in the middle of winter* oshabooshabrrrrr

Tim: did you just... what the hell was that?

Dick: it's cold...

Tim: and your first reaction is "oshabooshabrrr"?

These designs are so cool! Tim's is the best though.

Batman fan art - Classic Korean style 2

peepaw’s got MAD KICKS!!!!

my human ver of omo!Leo bc turtle hard to draw </3 (and don’t forget to check out the reblogs for the close ups I posted!! there’s som nice texture :) )

(you can read Odd Man Out here by @threestripeslider !!)

Batfam quotes as things my family has said

Okay, so this one is long. Legit this happened yesterday.

*whole family is going out for dinner*

Tim: *locks the door before leaving the manor* okay, everyone ready to go? I'm starving.

Bruce: Alfred, did you get the house key?

Alfred: ... no master Bruce. You grabbed the car keys, I assumed you grabbed the house keys.

Bruce: oh... well... oops?

Jason: You, Bruce Wayne, Batman, "world's greatest detective", have locked yourself out of your own manor.

Bruce: ...

Jason: *wheeze*

Damian: Drake, look what you did. Not only did you lock us out of the manor, but you have humiliated father!

Tim: wtf, how is this MY fault!?

Damian: tt useless.

Tim:... you little-

Dick: whoa! Let's all calm down! We're all a little hangry and not thinking straight.

Steph: yo, I didn't get my phone. It's in the kitchen.

...

Bruce: *sigh* let me get a sledgehammer.

Alfred: master Bruce, there must be a less destructive way to enter the manor.

Bruce: Alfred, I've spent millions of dollars on our security system. This is the least destructive method.

*leaves to get the sledgehammer*

*a couple minutes later.*

Bruce: how... how did you?

*Cass standing next to the open door*

Cass: credit card!

Jason: million dollar security system my ass.

On one hand, I have Jazz. On the other hand I have Prowl.. 🤨🤔

Here! Why don’t you have both ^u^7✨

FT: My brain, ✨Mistakes on Mistakes Until✨ moments, and that Tf One au Keferon made a while back 😌🫶

Cows and Licorice

Ameice (America × Iceland)

Rating: Everyone

Prompt: Language

Wrote this for day 1 of rare pair week! @aphrarepairweek2021

There wasn’t a day that went by that Emil wasn’t amazed by his boyfriend. Between his charisma, intellect, and ability to do and say the most random things, there was never a boring day. For example, Alfred built a replica of the white house out of waffles last Wednesday. Emil was too impressed to be upset about the mess Alfred made in the kitchen. 

    One of Alfred’s coolest tricks is his knack for languages. English, French, Spanish, Portugese, you name it. He can speak it. Except for Icelandic…

    Emil doesn’t mind translating for Alfred, he actually quite enjoys it. There’s this satisfaction that he gets from having this ‘one up’ on his boyfriend. But of course, Emil acts like a moody teenager constantly. At this point it’s involuntary, he just approaches every situation with sarcasm. And so, to avoid “annoying you my dude” Alfred set out to learn Icelandic…

“... and after we come back from the restaurant and the carnival, I’ll give him the big surprise!” Alfred took a big breath. “So, what do you think?” Matthew sighed on the other end of the phone, “I think it’s sweet, but it seems like a lot of work. Also, Emil isn't really a “big plans” type of person. Don’t you think he’d just like to spend an evening in?” True, Emil doesn’t really like people. But he would love this surprise. “Aw come on Matt! He’ll love it!” Alfred was beaming. He really out did himself this time, this is going to be the best anniversary yet!. 

    Emil had on a pair of black slacks and a gray button down. Alfred had told him to wear something nice. He looked at himself in the mirror, “This is nice enough, right?” He shrugged, it doesn't matter what he wears as long as he thinks he looks good. 

    He heads downstairs. “Hey good lookin’! I haven’t seen you bust out the slacks in a while.” Emil blushes slightly. “You told me to look nice… wait… are you wearing that fancy cologne that Francis got you for Christmas?” It was Alfred’s turn to blush. “Yeah, I was saving it for special occasions.”

    The two headed out to this fancy restaurant downtown. It was nice and quiet, which Emil liked. On the way home, the pair stopped for ice cream. Alfred got some rainbow sugar-sugar ice cream, Emil got black licorice. It was late by the time they got back home. The two settled in to watch one of those cheesy Hallmark movies.

    When the movie ended, Alfred pulls Emil onto the back porch. “You have more planned?” He asks. Alfred flashes him that brilliant smile, “Of course! This is our fifth anniversary!” Emil smils, he loves this dorky man. “Close your eyes!” Emil closes his eyes. 

“Okay, you can open them.”

Emil gasps, Alfred to standing there with a bouquet of flowers. But they're not real flowers. Each flower is made of black licorice twisted and shaped into a flower. It's personal and sweet. Only Alfred and his family would do something like this for him. "I love it Alfred." Alfred smiles. 

Then, he says three words in Icelandic. Emil stops in his tracks and just stares at Alfred for a moment. "What?" Alfred repeats the phrase. It starts as a chuckle and escalates into loud, belly laughter. Alfred looks very offended and confused by Emil's reaction. Emil finally caught his breath enough to reply to Alfred. "Do… do you know what you just said" Alfred huffs, "yes! I said that I love you!" Emil laughs harder, "No Al, you just called me a cow." Alfred looks mortified, "what...I…I didn't mean too! Matthias told me that is how you say I love you." Emil smirks, "He lied." Alfred runs a hand down his face. "I'm so sorry Emil. I messed it all up." Emil put his hands on the side of Alfred face. " you didn't mess anything up. You planned a wonderful evening. This gift was so thoughtful, doesn't matter is Matthias who I am going to strangle later messed it up. I love all of it, just like I love you."

They kissed.

FUCK YOU GUYS

i might disregard this but it'll give me an idea of what way to go in ALSO don't even fucking WORRY about it ITS FINE.