There Are Fanfics You Will Recommend To Your Friends With Enthusiasm And Then There Are Fanfics That

The signs as shit I said at work this morning

Aries: who the fuck needs 30 pounds of chicken tenders at 10 am?

Taurus: (to rotisserie chicken) the boys are back in town.

Gemini: *drops entire pan of gravy *

Cancer: that looks horrible, this is horrible.

Leo: Every time there is a call off, someone from management owes me 3$

Virgo: imagine muenser cheese, but the rind is neon blue.

Sagittarius: *to my boss* please for the love of GOD, fire me.

Libra: Sorry I’m late guys, I didn’t want to come back.

Scorpio: Yeah, I gave that homie the wrong brand of Colby, but nothing really matters, anyway.

Capricorn: its time for Captain Spock to take command for me. I am unfit to run this ship

Aquarius: Raw chicken or Cancer– we are all dying anyway, who gives a shit.

Pisces: Every time a customer complains I grow a little bit stronger, if this keeps up I’ll be deli manager in 2 months

Meliodas, addressing everybody in the morning : Alright, listen up you little shits.

Meliodas: Not you, Elizabeth. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

Maybe I should kill myself.

Awolnation (via unkaputtbarxo)

TW Don’t kill yourself today

Don’t kill yourself today

Because your Netflix trial still has a week left

Don’t kill yourself today

Because no one else will finish off the chicken in the fridge

Don’t kill yourself today

Because I know for a fact that Starbucks is releasing a new Frappuccino sometime next month

Yes, your mother will miss you

Yes your bully will make a sappy Facebook post about how what a a wonderful person you were

And yes

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

You know that

You’ve known that

Everyone and anyone has been shoving that down your throat since they first learned what the word suicide meant

So don’t kill yourself

Until you finish your shampoo and conditioner at the same time

Don’t kill yourself

Until Doctor Who is finally cancelled

Don’t kill yourself

Until you tell someone your best pasta recipe 

Don’t kill yourself 

Because I will keep coming up with reasons for you not to

And I need you

To hear all of them

Don’t kill yourself

I love you

You’re important

It’s a bad day

Not a bad life

There is more to this

The world will keep spinning on its axis without you

But

Think of all the sunrises you’d miss

I know this sounds pointless

But when you’re sitting in front of everything deadly you own

Revising your goodbyes

There will be too much darkness 

To see anything else

But this is not about seeing anything else

This is about turning off the lights

This is about finding the bed instead of the noose

This is about giving yourself one more day

Even if it takes ten thousand of those

One more morning’s

Until

“I can’t wait for tomorrow”

This is about staying alive

Because there’s gonna be a new Marvel movie

No one should miss that

This is about staying alive

Because the future is coming 

And it’s ready for you

I don’ t need you to see it

I just need you to believe you can make it 

Until then

- Hannah Dains

when will people use the anon function to send passionate, homosexual anonymous love letters

Capricorn Gryffindor

Out of curiosity people, I’m conducting a survey:

Reblog this and tag your star sign and hogwarts house

I’m a Sagittarius Slytherin

im crying

I mean, I am german and even in germany we have this joke “Deutsche Sprache, schwere Sprache” which means “the german language is a difficult language” But even we dont do shit like this. Sure we have like complicated formal and informal forms and like hella big words and stuff But come on we dont say “I am sleeping” we say “Ich schlafe” > “I sleep” This -ing form is driving me mad since 2012 (5th grade), nowadays i get it but its useless

English is such a dumb language like why the fuck do I have to be sleeping

you can't be a verb lmao fuckin clowns

Batfamily damn good ao3 tags pt.2

This is part two of my list of ao3 tags about the Batfamily that I think should be used more. As always, semi-serious list.

Canon tags:

• Demon Damian Wayne (makes the nickname "demon brat" accurate, I love it >>>>) • Selectively Mute Cassandra Cain (I'm really fond of it and would like to see more.) • Tim Drake Being Smart But Dumb (one of the best canon tags about Tim) • Jason Todd Has a Crime Alley | Park Row Accent (I'm weak for accents) • Bruce Wayne Faces Consequences (There are many fanfics for Jason but few for Bruce dealing with the consequences of his actions/choices. But, hey! There is the tag) • Author Duke Thomas (I like all the Batkids hobby tags but Duke's is so underused :( ) • Autistic Bruce Wayne (I like all the neurodivergence tags but this one in particular because Bruce is on the autism spectrum even in canon) • Hacker Barbara Gordon (the number of stories with this tag is less than the number of fingers on one hand. Let's fix that, NOW) • Dick Grayson Can't Cook (I just like to make fun of Dick) • Jason Todd Loves Jane Austen (I said it: I love batkids hobby tags) • Cheerleader Dick Grayson (I just love that this tag hesitates (reminder: boys can be cheerleaders too))

Fanon/not yet canon:

• Tim Drake Writes Fanfiction (If you don't want this to be a canonical tag, you're not a chaos lover enough) • Jason names his guns after Austen characters (I BEG YOU TO MAKE THIS A TAG) • Cassandra Cain Has Eldest Daughter Syndrome (Dick has this tag but I think it fits Cass well too) • Insecure Barbara Gordon (let's give the girl permission to feel emotions) • Damian Wayne Runs Away (The potential >>>>)