Greetings. It Has Been Quite Some Time Since I've Documented My Experiences, And I Believe A Full Explanation

Would I be forgiven for including homestuck music in my upbeat "I love being you" playlist

I was initially going to drop a kin playlist, but as I've become a lot more comfortable with my identity I've been making a second and third playlist for various emotions I've been feeling and wonder, would there be any interest in seeing 3 separate kin playlists?

Thinking very much about wanting to do at least one nice thing for myself every day. Use a body spray or light a candle or some incense, really engage in sensory things in a way I know makes me happy. Use some of my colored light projectors, keep it a little dimmer yet colorful. Break down my meals into simpler components, even if it doesn't feel like a "real" dinner, I'm still eating and that's the most important part.

I don't want to feel like it takes any extra amount of energy to be kind to myself, to make life and my immediate space feel welcoming for me.

To use the candles, to burn the incense, have the food, to merely take up the space I occupy. It isn't a very lofty wish, and it's something I hope I can make a reality in the immediate future.

🦋

Hello all. You may call me Shai; I am 24, use he/him pronouns, and am aromantic and asexual.

I've been identifying with the kin community for roughly two years now, and have designated this blog as a space for me to explore my thoughts and feelings a bit more fully, in a judgment-free space. This blog is also where I'll collect imagery and posts that I identify with. I may occasionally post my own art as well. Some other things you may like to know about me include:

✨️ Psychological and spiritual kin - my identity as fictionkin developed as a method of processing grief and trauma, but I have leaned into the spiritual aspect as well as I find it comforting.

✨️ I am being led to believe that my kin identity is also a result of dissociation, specifically that my kintype constitutes a dissociative fragment.

✨️ Only one kin - Sh.aiapouf from H.unter x Hu.nter.

✨️ Chronically ill - I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and, interestingly enough, I use it to connect with my kintype. This condition is genetic and affects all systems in my body, so this is something I will continually discuss here.

✨️ This is a sideblog, my main I follow back and interact from is @/ad.hd-sh.aiapouf

While I am a bit more quiet on this blog, I am online quite frequently and am open for any type of conversation or discussion; in spite of the formality, I swear I'm friendly 💖

Tags for reference:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> talk tag

👑 -> interior architecture for royal buildings and things that remind me of the past

❤️ -> imagery falling under the lovecore aesthetic

Hello all!

I've found that my experiences with kin don't quite seem to align with a lot of other people's, and, while I know that this is a subjective experience, I was wondering if detailing my experiences might help to elucidate what is going on for me. Even if there isn't a label, I'm still comfortable under the otherkin and alterhuman umbrellas ✨️

I don't quite feel the same level of identification that others feel with their kintype. I don't see him and feel a response of recognition - it feels less that I am him, but more that he is me. My kin is primarily psychological, and I later adopted the more spiritual side of the beliefs here. I do possess memories, but they are very brief snapshots in time of events - walking down a hallway and trailing my fingers along the wall, vague recollections of what flight felt like, nothing highly specific. I do have a sense of longing for the location he lived in, but not for anyone he knew (with the homesickness of sorts being attributed to a personal trauma response as I've discussed this in therapy, but it feels worthwhile to mention in this discussion).

Something also worth mentioning - while I do not have DID, I did (and potentially still do?) experience dissociation. The very first experiences I had were quite intense and I likened them to feeling possessed, though with less loss of control and more experiencing thoughts and emotions that did not belong to me. As time went on, I became more acquainted with this part of myself and the episodes became a lot less distressing as time went on. My analogy is that, if I were driving a car, the first episodes felt like me controlling the gas and brakes while someone else tried to take the wheel from me, while now they feel like I'm taking driving directions from a trusted friend.

At some point in the turmoil, I recognized the bundle of thoughts and feelings as the kintype I currently identify with (as?). I use his name offline in my life and feel a euphoria I cannot fully name when I am in full cosplay as him. He has insect characteristics (antennae and butterfly wings) and I notice a lot of the euphoria fades when I'm not wearing them, though in canon he was certainly nothing short of a misanthrope who took great pride in his insect nature.

It also feels worth mentioning, I am a semi-active member of the self ship community, and had been shipping with my kintype (as the human I currently am) for what had initially been coping purposes.

I suppose I feel less personal recognition, and almost as though I possess two souls, his and my own. What I had later called kinshifts had been so clearly delineated to me at first, but now I feel a sort of harmony with this.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm open for questions, if need be.

Other traditions have their symbols on necklaces, and I think that's what my butterfly choker is akin to

Evening on the Garden   -   Olga Kvasha , 2016

Ukrainian,b.1976 -

Oil on canvas, 75 x 85 

Hilariously, every time I do something that makes me question my kin (would he really like or do xyz?), the very act of questioning or loosely policing myself is exactly what he would have done

Honestly, it's been such a joy to see him having come back; I love him, and he loves me. I'm believing he was responsive to my stress and came back specifically to tell me that (we're) better than this, that (we) deserve more than this. He's egging me on in making actual choices that feel extreme to me but are probably average or on par with how other people would respond. He's angry and rightfully so! He's pushing me to act, to not acknowledge the situation and choose to do nothing.

Seeing him again feels like seeing an old friend again, and part of me really hopes to keep him, even knowing that when life begins to smooth out again, he'll probably go back into dormancy. Truthfully, I thought we'd integrated until he came rushing out of the depths of my psyche again. It was surprising, but I'm not upset. I'm so much more comfortable with him being around and helping me along. It really all does feel like a massive act of love.

Being able to give him more leeway because I'm not afraid anymore means I'm getting to see some of his quirks come through, we made tea and are leaning more towards having some kind of drink for breakfast as opposed to solid food. It's only been a few days since he's returned, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm looking forward to seeing what else we'll do before he inevitably gets quieter before vanishing entirely for however long again.

Maxfield Parish (United States 1870-1966). Lull Brook /Winter Peace at Twilight 1945.

Night Scene at Sumida River   -    Kobayashi Kiyochika , 1930.

Japanese ,  1847-1915

Woodblock, 10 1/8 x 7 ½ in.