Unworthy

i found this image to be quite inspirational, thus i wish to share it. you don't have to make something phenomenal much less rather something exceptional. you must first put it out there and tweak things later because you cannot build off of something you put nothing into. some day you'll regret never putting yourself out there.

create beautiful, wonderful things.

~ m.n.

Porcelain

i often stare at the work of others wondering whether or not my products will ever be as good. will my wobbly, thin walls of my pottery ever be as perfect and smooth as the girl's who's is showcased with blinding lights? will my art ever look and feel the way i had always hoped? will myself ever be the way i dreamed it'd be? i know people always crave what they don't have most, yet i crave for everything i already do. despite having talent i still believe i'll never be good enough because i, myself, know it is not talent. people worship for things they could only dream for, lacking any sense of what one went through to get to where they're at. i, myself, don't disregard such hardships, rather i envy them. i stare at myself within the reflection and believe i have done nothing of worth. everything i have, i do not have because i am simply never good enough.

~ m.n.

Rejected

opened letter,

my name printed on the soft white envelope,

someone already knew of my failure before i was even to lay my eyes upon the words,

my delicate fingers grasp the letter that disapprove of all of what i had done,

i hadn't been enough. the letter crinkles as my eyes glaze over,

who will take me seriously now?

~ m.n.

White, Green Season

i am typically what one would call a therapy friend. i listen. i hear the person out. i give advice if they wish for it. such is such. it repeats often. many people need a shoulder to keel over on or an outside ear to listen in.

i don't mind, infact i'm honored they trust me enough to say what troubles them. i see people constantly mull over the same issues and i help them in a different way every time. i don't get bored, rather i let them talk, rant, let it out.

it's nice to let it go. to feel your shoulders be relieved of the tension that had pent up. not many people offer me a shoulder, but i don't mind.

it feels intimate or personal knowing ones struggles and seeing them prosper. it gives the crinkle to my eyes as i smile softly to myself within my dimly lit room. atleast i was able to make someone feel better.

it's like seeing the green after a harsh winter. spring had always been my favorite season for a reason.

~ m.n.

Loved

i want you, i need you. infact, i can't live without you. i crave your touch that i never got to experience. i want your lips on mine, a comforting notation to our love.

until

everything turned from present to past.

i wanted you, i needed you. infact, i couldn't live without you. i craved your touch that i never got to experience. i wanted your lips on mine, a comforting notation to our love.

you didn't love me, you kept up the act well though. in the end you didn't try hard to keep me, in fact i believe you wanted to get rid of me as soon as you realized how boring i was. as in boring i mean, pushing you to be better, pushing you to reach out, allowing you to cry and having me listen to your weeps.

i think you loved me, but not enough.

~ m.n.

Birthday

it's my birthday, but i feel no older. i always have had the privilege to have a party with love filled to the brim every year. albeit, i remember feeling unexcited for the one day written towards me. my one special day and yet i felt empty. why is that so? as i grow older i realize how foolish i was to wish to grow older quickly. i thought being older would mean that i have more control over my life, yet i feel that's still untrue.

i never took anything for granite. i opened every card slowly just only hoping for the handwritten "we love you, happy birthday." if there was anything extra i appreciated everything so much. i took every present i received and kept it, it'll remain by my side until the day i die.

~ m.n.

Happy Holidays 🎄🎁

i hope you all have a wonderful holiday today, whether you celebrate something or not !

~ m.n.

What Would They Do?

i tend to wonder what people would do once im gone.

would they cry?

would they be angry?

would they feel no remorse?

would they feel absolutely nothing?

i cannot say, but i hope they don't cry. if they were to shed a tear i, myself, would hurt despite not being here. i would hope they mourn me, but in their own ways like humans do.

on another note, i often hoped something bad would happen to me just so that i could feel some sort of attention. i have much of it, yet at the same time i feel like im invisible.

~ m.n.

My Dear

she and i are artists. we may never feel the same page of paper or draw the same stroke, but we are two halves bound together.

i do not know her name. i only know the name she wishes to be called and i am fine with it so.

"i've decided to romanticise hands. i refuse to feel such disgust, allowing my world to rot."

she had shown me one of her enlightening drawings. her work never ceased to amaze me.

her words flowed like a river, forming into an edible desire i craved. the way she spoke lured me in. her thoughts, desires, morals i wanted to hear them all. they were a sustainable fuel.

"very beautifully said."

my voice said aloud as her eyes bore into mine. the way her eyes looked into mine was intangible; every fiber of my being was being strangled to its end.

her angelic voice was music to my ears. it was like a heavenly rainfall after a year long drought. something one yearns to hear.

"you're very beautifully born."

as she spoke i felt my body stiffen. i still couldn't understand what she saw within me. she was a dear. she was a splendid gut wrenching feeling. she was the reason i could smile, my reason i still have feeling at the tips of my fingers.

i never understood what she saw in me. she was too considerate, too loving, i soaked all of it in like a sponge. she was... is a darling friend. the kindling that starts the fire.

~ m.n.

Hope you have a lovely day! 🎉🎉

this is a very sweet message, thank you so much ! didn't know how much i needed this, i hope your day is filled with lots of love as well. 💗