Happiness Is Not For Me. I Don't Think I Will Ever Deserve It, To Be Honest. I Just Wish For One Day.

I cant believe I used to be 130 wishing to be 115.... now I'm 155 BEGGING to be 130 again

people don’t understand how mentally draining having an eating disorder is. they assume you just skip a meal a day and then boom you lose like 30 pounds then recover. they don’t realize that you lose all your energy and can barely even function. you lose friends over it, get horrible grades, have to stop working, lose interest & energy in pursuing passions and hobbies. it fucking sucks and they make it so obvious they don’t give a shit about us.

i dont want to live another year.

I swear I’m not a person anymore. I don’t laugh, I don’t feel joy or satisfaction or anything even remotely positive. I find sadness in literally everything. It’s like my brain isn’t capable of processing the good stuff anymore. I feel pain. I am pain. There’s nothing else. I don’t even have a personality anymore. All I am is pain.

“Having a soulmate is not always about love. You can find your soulmate in a friendship too.”

— Unknown

"I just want to be okay for a day. I want to wake up and be happy to be alive. I want to enjoy the company of people around me. I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I want to breathe the air freely and enjoy life."

— things people with mental illnesses wish they could do

well explain me then, if starving is bad for me why it feels like i became a god