I Made A Uquiz For Billy Bitches Only!

The Shadow fangirlies have BEEN served and will CONTINUE to be served GOOD food in this holy year of 2024

I was planning to take a small social media break but I saw the amazing headcanon that Argyle and Billy might have been friends in California! It such a sweet idea that I just had to draw something with that :) There’s something so special about childhood friendships and having seen someone through everything including growth spurts and the preteen awkward phase! And in a scenario where Billy lived, seeing that pizza van would be like some sort of miracle after everything he’s endured.

Friendly reminder that if you shit on Barron Trump just because he’s Donald Trump’s son, you’re a shit person.

Billy adopting Eleven as a second little sister.

Billy chauffeuring Eleven and Max to school every day acting like it’s the biggest burden and his greatest annoyance in life yet always interjecting whenever he hears them talking about boy troubles or bully troubles to offer (sometimes questionable) advice because he loves them and he’ll be damned if anyone messes with his girls. It happens so often that whenever they’re having an issue, like dealing with a shitty teacher or figuring out the perfect way to get back at Dustin or Lucas or Mike during some prank war, they purposefully talk louder so that Billy will insert himself and offer his opinion.

Billy never shying away when Eleven asks him questions, even if she’s asking about uncomfortable topics like relationships and sex, because it’s honestly next to impossible to embarrass him and he’d rather she hear it straight than get confused by people’s gross innuendos. She feels safe asking him just about anything because she knows he won’t dance around the answers.

Billy waiving his rights to the radio and letting Max and Eleven pick the music whenever one of them is upset, keeping a stash of their favorite cassettes in the glove box just in case. He doesn’t dig their music, but he will dashboard drum and sing along to Madonna just to make them laugh. He also knows their order at all the local fast food joints, can swing through a drive-thru or pop into the ice cream shop and order for all three of them without asking what the girls want, and has been known to detour to their favorite spots when he thinks that one of them needs a pick-me-up.

Billy letting Eleven play with his hair products when he catches her watching him get ready for a date, taking the time to tell her what everything is for and showing her how to use it all. He even gets her some bottles of her own when she finds something that she likes.

Billy teaching Eleven and Max how to drive in an empty parking lot, surprisingly calm as he guides them through the motion. Max is a natural, though she’s definitely something of a speed demon. Eleven is much more cautious and is a little heavy on the brake, but Billy is shockingly patient (even if every rough stop has him wincing for his poor Camaro). Hopper is honestly too much of a nervous wreck to teach El himself, try as he might, so she’s pretty lucky to have Billy there to help her.

Billy being Max and Eleven’s emergency contact. They drank too much at a party? Call Billy. Some guy is making them feel unsafe? Call Billy. Their car broke down? Find a payphone and call Billy. He will drop everything to help them, no matter where he is or what he’s doing. He has held their hair back and made them greasy hangover food. He keeps all their secrets, covers for them if he has to, always makes sure that they are safe because, again, those are his girls.

Billy lowering his guard around Eleven and Max, trusting them more than he trusts anyone else because, time and time again, they’ve proven that they are one hundred percent in his corner. Sure, they bicker with him, pester him, push his buttons. But it’s because they love him, and they feel safe with him, and he feels safe with them, too.

Billy and his two kid sisters, Eleven and Max.

I want Joyce Byers to bitchsmack all the creepy Hawkins moms for having the damn nerves to ogle at Billy, a barely legally aged boy while he’s doing his job. Except for Karen.

I want her to throw a chair at her.

Professional Screw-Up

Describe your life in two words

I’m late

Seeing people hate on Argyle as I gather every scrap of positive Argyle fan content into my arms and cry over them

It's honestly so funny tho bc like other than El, Argyle was undoubtedly THE most useful member of the Cali Team in season 4.

Who saved the group from being shot at and helped them successfully escape in his pizza van?

Argyle

Who pointed out that the secret message pen was "broken"?

Argyle

Who found the track marks in the desert that they were otherwise lost in?

Argyle

Who not only thought up the pizza freezer bath solution but was able to actually get it for them?

Argyle

I JUST FIND IT SO FUNNY BC THERES SO MANY PEOPLE OUT HERE LIKE !!! EW STEROTYPICAL STUPID STONER BAD WHY IS HE EVEN HERE !!!!! AND ARGYLE IS OVER HERE SINGLEHANDEDLY CARRYING THE CALI TEAM TO NOT ONLY SURVIVAL BUT ALSO VICTORY

Also when he talks spanish it makes my stupid little latina brain happy

The way Stranger Things just ripped Argyle away from us is so cruel. It's not a complete friend group without 'The Stoner Who Has a Job and a Driver's License™️'

Nothing will get done w/o him.

So, basically Eddie is basically the Billy we wanted and wrote in fic…I see